sorry man, i feel for you as everyone..or most of everyone is i say just live your life, and if she is worth it, she will be in your life also this is after she says sorry in every language and you two talk about everythin and fix things if it comes to this which im pretty sure you do bc i can see how you feelin for her but one song that will help you is this..and its not a joke or anythin..the lyrics are really good, and can fit your situation http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdF_aFkujZE
This song will help you more. <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Le1u6BTm0SQ&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Le1u6BTm0SQ&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
That song is probably the best song I've heard in all universe and the cosmos. Praise the Almighty Zeus (.com) for such great lyrics. Good lord. Thank you, sir.
Post of the year.......Good job Mogrod and sccdct34, thinks will get better. I can't even imagine what yall are going through. Been married for almost two years in March, and she is my world also. I'd probably by liable to kill someone.....but hey, we are all human and have permission to hurt. Keep Yo head up yo and remember, we always the rockets to lean on!!!
So she was "hanging with him" in the car every night/morning for 4 hours? Then when you called her on it, she got defensive and refused to stop? Yeah...that's not good at all. My advice to you is to listen to every word mogrod says. He's clearly been there and is clearly learning to move on. Pretty much every word he's said in this thread has been spot on. mogrod, do you ever think about doing this kind of thing for a living??
I went through the same things and had very similar experiences to what others are describing. Like everyone else said, it will get worse before it gets better. The very best thing that you can do is to cut off all contact with her and get a lawyer. Go ahead and file for divorce now. DO NOT DRAG THIS **** OUT ANY LONGER THAN IT HAS TOO. The hardest part is breaking that connection and refusing to contact her in anyway. Do any and everything you can to keep yourself busy. Probably the best thing you could do is workout. It helps with the stress. Also, get out there and start dating. You are damaged good but who cares. Start being around other women. It gets the stink off. This is going to be a long term project. It took me a good year before I was beginning to see that I was going to live without her. It didn't help that we had kids together so I had to see her all of the time. Your milage may vary. She left me for some dude that she was working with. The other night I went to do a My Guy and Me bowling night with my daughter and her Girl Scout troop. My ex wife was there because she was helping to coordinate. She started telling me how things were not working out with the dude she bailed on me for and that she is looking to move out. I told her that she should just get it over with because there is nothing worse than being miserable. Then she starts crying. After all of this time I thought that when this finally happened that I'd laugh in her face and tell her how she is getting exactly what she deserves but I didn't. I pitied her. Even though she is reaping what she sowed, I'm not bitter anymore and I actually felt bad for her. Now thinking back on it, the b**** had it coming. HA!
Female perspective here: No real advice to add, it just struck me how some of the responders talked about being strong and actually changing their outlook on life. Wouldn't it be great if this could happen without the pain of the divorce. My husband and I just celebrated our 23rd anniversary (we were babies when we got married) and I won't say the road has always been easy. One of my biggest frustrations is that we don't seem to have much to talk about anymore. If it wasn't for our kids, I don't know what we would talk about to each other. I have really struggled with this and worry about what happens when our youngest goes to college (4 years). This is something we have to communicate about and work on. I am making the commitment to do so, and thanks to the OP for making me think about this. People get dissatisfied and look elsewhere to quickly. It seems to me to be a bit of a "grass is greener" type of thing. Once she has been on the other side of the fence for a while, she may find it is no better there. This sounds like the case with Master Baiter's ex-wife. Best of luck to you and hopefully you will come out on the other side of this a stronger and wiser person.
Na, but I'm just happy I can help someone else in whatever way I can. Truth is, as early as it is for him, I would think he's scoffing at everything I'm saying. I mean, that's what I did but I guess it was just because I didn't want to believe all of it and didn't want to come to that realization. I mentioned in my first post in here that he should go to marriagebuilders.com. Their forums have a whole section on affairs. That site and those people are a godsend. sccdct34, I REALLY suggest you go over there and start a thread in the Just Found Out forums. You will learn SO MUCH about the situation and your wife's mindset. Hell, there hundreds of couples on there that went through that whole thing and reconciled only to be happier then ever 5, 10, 15+ years later. So, if that is what you really want, it can be done. Trust me, do it NOW!! Just remember, don't have too much pride not to lean on your family and friends or even random strangers on the internet in this time. That's one good thing that came out of my situation is that I have become a lot closer to my family. We're here for you, brotha.
Dude, I've been through something similar though with a girlfriend and we weren't together for as long as you. But I definitely understand what you are feeling/thinking. Thing is - the person you knew and loved is no longer there. At least the person she was with YOU. Those bonds are broken, they do not exist. You have to accept this. Let go of the "but we were together for so long, how can she do this?!" line of thinking. It hurts, trust me. I would spend my nights not understanding where the love of my life had gone, how it could be that this was how it was. Do NOT cry to her, saying that you had something so great, that you were meant to be, asking her how she could stop loving you, etc. She has made up her mind, at least for the moment. Showings like these will only make her feel those things more strongly. I cannot advise you on how to act in the long-term if you do want to try and get back together, but for me the advice above works for both 1) getting over it and potentially 2) getting back together. One thing that helped me was this guy's videos: http://www.vitalcoaching.com (no I don't work for this guy) Seems cheesy, but a lot of it makes sense and teaches you about the mentality you have after a break-up. I disagree with the guy's stance on many issues, but it did help me a lot. I think also just doing something pro active to move forward really did the trick...
I agree with this but here is a caveat. While the last thing I wanted was for us to not be together. It ended up being the best thing for me. When you are with someone, you have a certain level of comfort with that person regardless of how happy, or not, that you are. I was in a similar situation where my ex was all that I knew. I knew that things were not great. I knew that a lot of times I felt like I was missing something and that I wasn't happy. Regardless, I still loved her. Hell, I still love her today, I'm just not in love with her. What I didn't realize is how unhappy I really was and how it effected so much of my life. I would have never known this until I was with someone that truly made me happy. My wife supports me and stands behind every decision that I make, right or wrong. I know that I can go out on a limb sometimes and even if it blows up in my face, she is still going to love me and we will get through things. She makes me feel important. She does everything she can to take care of me and isn't selfish. I try to do the same things for her and it is easy to do that when someone reciprocates. I do not think it is a coincidence that I never saw real success with my business until after I was with my wife. The saying that behind every great man is a great woman is definitely the case with me. While I do the work, she supports me and takes care of me. She picks me up when I get overwhelmed and stressed out. It was never the case with my ex wife and I would have never known what a real relationship could be like had she not let the dude from HP pork her over and over. It ended up being the best thing that could have ever happened to me.
We've been married for 28 years and have been "empty-nesters" for a long while (8+ years). There are many times when there isn't anything to talk about, but it is a "comfortable silence". We don't feel the need to force conversation simply for the sake of talking about something. We do a lot together (trips, sports, exercise, hobbies) and we do a lot separately (trips, sports, exercise, hobbies) and things work out great.
Man, that's really a powerful story. Sounds like you are in a really good place right now. What's that old saying about the best revenge being to live a good life? Sounds like it couldn't be more true in this case. I think the OP can really learn something here. And props to you for taking the high road.
Awesome post, Master Baiter. I'm starting to feel the same way. Like I said, I'm feeling better about myself than I have for YEARS. It's still an ongoing process, but I'm wondering how much being comfortable in the marriage was "holding me back". Not to mention how grateful I am I know the exact type of woman she is now rather than much further down the road. sccdct34, another bit of advice. Just go out and do some things by yourself. Do things that you two did as a couple. Go out to eat, go see a movie or two at the theatre, do whatever. It's going to suck and be weird as hell. At the theatre, you're going to look at that empty seat next to you and you're going to want to break down. Trust me though, it's for the best. The more you can do and get through on your own, the more you'll break away from that, "I can't live without her" feeling. As much as it seems like it now, YOU DON'T NEED HER. The quicker you wrap your whole head around that, the better you're going to feel and be, even if you two do reconcile.
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OK, I actually thought it was some kind of joke. I actually only heard the first few seconds. I will give it another shot. Here is a breakup song that is more my style: <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/b4BhvynzIOA&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/b4BhvynzIOA&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
Bon Iver is amazing. I actually was at this show at the Bowery. I get to see him again on Dec. 10 at Town Hall. He had one of the best and most critically acclaimed albums of 2007.
hey, subjectivity, thank god for it. hound dogs, yes, aren't we all. ima, nothing against ben but he's too polished, too geeky for me. maybe we can meet in the middle: <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/91euERWH2M4&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/91euERWH2M4&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
