Here comes pmac droppin' knowledge on all you fools. I've always believed this. Even if I haven't always followed it. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. If you think there is no way you could ever be happy without another person, you have failed.
You are correct, Sir. Trust lost . . .can never truly be regained not easily anyway . . i'm talking years and years and years JuanV - Hanging out after work from 1am - 5am - What would you assume was going on? You sound like you got all the evidence but you want the confession *grin* Wise Man once said: Only thing open around that times are . . legs I keed I Keed But on the Real . . . Dude cry it out in the shower or what ever you have to do get your divorce and get the hell out of dodge I know it will hurt but as a wise man here said .. CUT BAIT! Rocket River " . . I haven't got time for the pain . . "
What kind of work does she do? I don't think it's very uncommon for coworkers to go out to drink after late shifts in some occupations. My wife used to work in a hotel kitchen where that was the norm (of course, working in restaurant kitchens is bad for marriages, which is partly why she isn't doing it anymore). Many seem to make the assumption that she decided to stay out late to spend time with this man, whereas I'm guessing she went out after work with coworkers (more or less innocently) and the Real World effect led to her wandering eye. Or, it could be both even.
I have to hand it to the hangout, it's definitely been very supportive when it comes to serious issues like these and for that reason alone there's no reason to feel that it's selfish to post topics like these. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Like others have said, the true positive is that you (I don't think) had any kids involved in this. Some have gone through the exact same thing, posted about it, and had kids involved which makes the situation even more complicated and distressing. In particular, the advice to not call her back up is very very spot on but extremely hard to do in the first few days, weeks, however long it lasts but IT WILL GET BETTER. Repeat that over and over no matter how much it sounds like a pseudo-positive psychology phrase. Good luck. Keep us posted too.
You should email Clutch and ask if he could put your username in italics too, that would make you stand out in the forum even more!
there is two things you should try to do here... 1. try your best to move on (easier said then done) 2. DO NOT TRY TO RECONCILE ... IT WILL END THE SAME WAY!
Again, I haven't been through anything remotely similar in my life, but as to the reconcile / don't reconcile opposing opinions... I still think you ahve to work on respecting and liking yourself more first. It sounds like even you recognize that you've been in a deep funk. Again, that is no reason for your wife to "cheat" on you, to leave you, to abandon you, etc. True love...that's when you pull together. But, that aside, it's clear you need some you-time to figure you out. Who are you? Do you even know? I don't think you do! Figure you out (or at least start), and then you can figure it out.
I don't have advice for you. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best. Spoiler But man I don't think I could take another man's schlong in my wife...kids or no kids. Call me old fashioned or sexist, but a woman cheating on a man is worse than a man cheating on a woman. Men don't cheat for emotional reasons. I think Oprah had an episode where she compared wives to mistresses...Oprah was shocked the mistresses were often fugly. No **** Oprah, the guy is effing around cause the sex is available...he doesn't care what she looks like and he isn't interested in leaving his wife or family.
QFT Sad thing is relationships are about leverage. Whomever wants/needs the other one most has the least leverage.
The correct term is the propinquity effect. Look it up and get a good understanding of it. It will help you not be the one to cheat and understand better those that do.
We both work at the same place, we work for a call center. The thing is thhough it wasnt drinks..both her and I dont drink to much... she was hanging with him in her car listening to music. Do i know that she was cheating on me.. no I don't but I do know that she refused to stop seeing him that late saying I could not tell her who to be friends with. I would give anything to have her again, Ive been with her for 7 years and she is all I know. Everything I do from watching the rockets to playing videogames has an "us" story involved and makes it hard to do (although I still watch the rockets).
iam guessin she was no latina next time get you a good loyal latina woman who will have your back and i dont mean the american wanna be latina types
If you ever get back together, tell her that you want to go too. For one thing you can stare down that slimebag (size him up for some potential ass kicking), and another you'd actually get to see another aspect of your wife that you don't normally see. If she objects, tell her how can she refuse spending more time with her husband or some other reply that brings up the marriage. Seeing another person of a different sex late night is suspicious as hell. I would've taken a stand if my girlfriend got defensive like that. Shoot, I'd threaten her that I'd go to strip bars while she's gone even if I didn't. (Don't follow that advice). The only reason I'm bringing this up is because you seem to be interested in being the only one to smooth things over. Just remember that she was responsible for breaking those promises you both made. So in the meantime, while focusing on some history can be productive (moderation), you'd be better served by building on yourself and making yourself stronger mentally and physically. If only to dangle a better bait should she come back.
I'm telling you, reading your posts is like looking back in a time portal at myself early this year. EVERYTHING had an "us" story. Hell, even going to Walmart to get dog food crushed me because I remembered all the times we went as a family. As lame as it sounds, it's the truth. Just like you, I hardly ate for weeks. I lost 20+ lbs. (but for me, that was a good thing. lol). I was just like you and posted on here right after I found out. Everything you have said sounds exactly like me. I did not want to believe she would do something so horrible and I thought all the advice and opinions I was getting were BS. It's hard, I know. You're crushed. You're world has now been flipped upside down. I hate to tell you, but you have a long road ahead whatever decision you make. The memories are going to haunt you. The thoughts of how this could happen when you had so many good times and for so long are going to eat at you. I'm telling you, whatever you do, YOU MUST DO WHAT YOU CAN TO BE STRONG AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. I'm finally turning the corner. I mentally just moved on and told myself, "I don't need her. I don't need anyone but myself to be happy." I've started playing ball every day, I've grown out my hair (was shaved) and styled it, got some new clothes and have tried to be as positive, happy and outgoing as I can every day. It's made a HUGE difference and I feel better about myself than I have in years. Trust me, it will get better. I'm living proof even after the literal hell I've been through. JUST BE AS STRONG AS YOU CAN BE. I'll pray for you.
Me and my ex said the same thing, but it is all just BS. It might hurt for a while, but you'll get over it, and don't bother calling or txting cause its over. It will just make you look like a loser.
What did YOU do to her? It takes two to tangle. A marriage doesn't go down the drain from an argument. It has to be something gradual. You said you weren't perfect, were you just being modest? I don't mean to rub salt on your wound, but maybe your mistake or mistakes have been too big or been draging on for too long. Maybe you already milked all her patience, and so your change was too late. And how long was the marriage? If you believe you haven't done her wrong (and only you know deep down), then believe she is not meant to be. Go pick up girls with your friends. I know you can't really just move on. It's hard as hell. And you can't really think it's her lost and that one day she'll regret if you become better than her. Once a woman is in love, she cares less about her ex and his success. All I can tell you is take a break from everything and travel (if you have the means to). That's what I did. Traveling will really distract you. Go to a foreign country. Go to Vietnam, those girls will love you long time. You will discover so many more beautiful girls. BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR NEXT GIRL!!! Reading this thread makes me appreciate my wife even more! She stuck around to help me change for the better! I used to treat her like crap, as in not respecting her at all. Too many problems made me unhappy and so I poured all my frustrations on her. What an ******* I was. But two years and it's still going strong.
