i'm not nearly as serious about my reply as it might seem reading it here. if i had said it in person, i think you would have seen that. i'm not the least bit surprised you posted something to that effect. but the point remains...you don't know what you're talking about....and you're lumping people in based on your assumption.
As a "younger" guy (27 yrs old), I am going through this and agree with the above completely. It's about time we take control of our relationships and not make the same mistakes twice. Seems like everyone here's giving you good advice and I hope it works out for you and everyone else who can learn from what they are reading in this thread.
actually, i would guess that more than an assumption, he's basing on his own inability to have a mature loving relationship.
I am going through this process as well. There is a thread on it from a few months back. Anyhow, another website that really helps you get a grasp of the current situation is survivinginfidelity.com. It is very helpful to learn from, and bounce ideas off, others in the same or similar situations. You'll never be the same after something like this...but that's not necessarily a dire statement...although you didn't make the fork in the road, you still have the power to decide which direction to follow. Take care of yourself.
divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have learned to really embrace being single. I can do what I want, when I want and don't have to worry about what anyone else thinks about it. And dating different girls is nice too. At first it seems horrible, but you will love it. Right now I couldn't imagine living with someone
Sorry to bump this thread again, I have read through it and it has some good advice in it. I found out yesterday that there is no hope of getting back together and her words were that if I thought there was any hope there was not. She is coming to get her stuff next week, which will be hard on me and I'm sure the divorse will be hard but hopefully another door will open somewhere for me.
Good to hear you on the mend. I would like to point out. . . it could be worse Exhibit A: http://bbs.clutchfans.net/showthread.php?t=158341 Rocket River
Well, I guess you better learn how to spell it. <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/S9J7XE-ctMU&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/S9J7XE-ctMU&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
Well she spelled it out for you in black and white man. Try not to be there when she picks up her stuff. It looks like you are on a long road to full recovery man. You are going to be fine......just watch.
At least now you know FOR SURE that there is no going back. This can actually be a very liberating epiphany, if you treat it as such. You don't have to torture yourself by wondering 'what if' anymore. There ARE no 'what ifs' anymore. You know. It's done. Time to move FOWARD, not backwards.
On the contrary, BE THERE when she picks her **** up. Get you 2 hookers, make sure you tell her that her stuff will be packed up in the bedroom. When she walks in, it will be pure greatness. Just make sure you and the 2 hookers are going at it, and make them high class hookers who don't look so much like hookers. Then when shes like WTF, say "oh man, these chicks are so much hotter than you" Or you could just not be there when she picks her stuff up, your call.
I'd pack up all her **** and have it sitting on the porch starting today. Then she can come get it whenever she wants. I'd change the locks and never let her ass in my house ever again. DO NOT LET HER IN YOUR HOUSE EVER AGAIN. Do not let her get her **** on her terms. If she wants it, it will be waiting for her. It shows her that if she doesn't want you, no ****ing problem, I don't want you or your **** in my house either. Make sure that you pack up EVERYTHING that belonged to the both of you. Make her keep it or throw it out. Every picture, every card or letter, every anniversary gift, every wedding gift and\or wedding crap you have left over, every everything.
I wouldnt have her stuff packed...I'd have it tossed all over the place and make her pick it up and put it together. Give her some labor. Having her pick up her stuff in neatly packed boxes is too easy.
This is really crappy advice. Depending on the circumstances, it could also be illegal. You are not allowed to lock somebody out of a house they have an ownership interest in or that they are on the lease for. That is what court orders are for at the beginning of the divorce. I would advise to see a family law attorney really fast. You WANT TO BE THE ONE THAT FILES. That way, YOU get to have your TRO put into effect. You start from a position of strength, not her. Trust me...it will be MUCH easier that way.
a great advice, i couldn't have said it better. be in control of the situation, time heals all wounds, there's nothing time and another woman can't do to help you get over the hump. good luck.
it sounds like he's with the other guy anyways, you can't take her back. move on. find a better woman, move on dude.
Is there anything that would really happen? Especially if you've given over everything that is hers? I'd bet you a million dollars it wouldn't be a big deal and the roles were reversed and it was a man that left and a woman that changed the locks. I do agree that he should see a family lawyer asap. There is no way I'd let her file first and they could definitely give better advice than a guy on a basketball forum named Master Baiter.
Absolutely correct. I decided to try to work out my situation, and my wife filed first, in another State, no less. I'm still being extremely screwed, almost to the point where I've given up. I still call my son once a week, but 3 out of 4 of those go to voicemail. I've spent well over 10 grand on it, and as I said, it has gotten to the point where I've had to stop caring that much about it.
My ex wife filed in another state and I fought jurisdiction and won. It cost me over $10k as well but my kids live here. She ran off with them to Chicago and I didn't get to see them for overt 9 months. I definitely understand where you are coming from in regards to contacting them. It was so painful to call and talk to them that I just didn't do it as much as it should. Not only had my marriage broken up but my kids were taken from me. It was easily the lowest time of my life ever Luckily, I was able to win jurisdiction and the judge gave her 2 choices, either move back or I was going to be given custody of the kids. He absolutely chewed her ass out in court that day because she ran off for no reason and then wouldn't let me see them. It was very nice to stand there and have someone like that judge totally validate my claims. Now I have my kids all the time and hopefully soon I'll be able to have them even more. My son turns 12 this coming summer and I think it will not be long before he wants to live with us. Fortunately for this guy, he doesn't have any kids. Man do kids make it sooooo much more difficult.
I disagree. I think he should absolutely be there when she comes to get her stuff. This does 2 things. He can make sure she gets only what is hers AND he can get some measure of closure...albeit nothing final until the papers are signed. The last thing would be giving her the satisfaction of taking something that his more than she's already done. I say be there and even help her move her s*** out.
