because you can end a marriage for selfish reasons (IE not happy with each other or want to move on, etc) if you two are the only ones affected. If there are kids involved, IMHO you owe it to THEM to try to stay together so that they can be raised by both parents. no kids + cheating = divorce if my wife cheated
since we're throwing out stupid analogies... Marriage is like Spongebob, it'll be there for a good 8-9 years but sooner or later it'll be gone and you'll realize how gay it really was and you really just want to watch 24 instead. Anyway, my advice would be to listen to the people in this thread who have been through it. Stand up to her, even if it hurts you like hell don't show a sign of weakness. Don't give her helpless puppy dog eyes. Don't beg for her affections. Don't try any romantic serenade outside the window Jude Law movie horse**** either. It won't work. The only shot you have at getting her back is to act like you never needed her in the first place. Pretend like hell if you have to, but get over her. We discussed this in a thread a few months back... women are not attracted to a guy who acts like a p***y. They want someone to depend on, not someone to depend on them.
I still think that if a marriage is salvageable due to children being involved, then it is salvageable if no children are involved.
Well, if you believe in God, then you owe it to GOD to keep a marriage together. I'd rather owe any human, anything. We tend to forget this.
I don't know. I was in the exact same place. The odd hours out of the home, the cell phone never leaving her side and texting all the time. If she has not slept with the guy yet, she will because she just walked out on her husband. I'm willing to bet she has already and it's probably been more than a few times. She has created a full on relationship with another guy. Hell, she told him she has feelings for him and she should have listened to his warning before (which is only telling him to make him think she is being COMPLETELY truthful. I made myself believe nothing went that far with them, but my instincts knew better and was not surprised at all when she admitted it. And I agree about how emotional affairs can be worse. After the initial shock of the affair wore off, it wasn't the sex that hurt the worst. It was the fact that my supposed best friend, lover and companion decided she wanted to share those with someone else. You can, and you probably should in some way, stand up to her but just be aware of what will happen. She's going to want everything to go smoothly in terms of divorce or she is going to expect to have you waiting in the wings until she figures out if this guy is truly her soul mate that she thinks he is right now, etc. As soon as you start to stand up to her, all hell will break lose. JUST BE STRONG and pretend you're like strong hurricane windows. Word of advice. I would expose the affair to everyone you two know. Family, friends, everyone. Not in a revengeful way. Tell them it's happening and that you would love their help in saving your marriage (if that's what you ultimately want). If you don't want to reconcile, they deserve to know that you are hurt by her actions and is the reason you can no longer be with her. Your first weapon against affair is shedding the light under the secret little rock it hides under.
I went through this on a tiny tiny scale before. Unfortunately, I wasn't in control of my anger/emotions when I was 17, so I told the girl that I want her to be happy and that she should do what she wants. Hours later I beat the guy into a pulp and literally threw him next to a garbage can. I imagine if my experience was so small and childish and it still had me reacting irrationally, your pain is probably making you think much more irrational things. Try to leave your city, state, country (whichever) for a few days or a week, let your mind calm down. Don't take her back ecause you deserve better. If she claims to not have seen this coming, then she can't trust HERSELF, which is the most dangerous thing. Obviously, each person is different and I hope it works out for you. Don't let alcohol or drugs control your thoughts just yet. You need to deal with the blows for a short while.
Just for another perspective after Mathloom's post, some say it's best to get your first marriage (the "starter marriage") out of the way as quickly and efficiently as possible.
Actually, I believe marital unfaithfulness is an acceptable reason for divorce according to the Bible -- Matthew 5:32.
God also can't hold your hand. He wants you to stand up to yourself. Do what you can to save it or not save it, but just do it with dignity. You can be a good christian and forgive like God would do, but that doesn't mean you have to spend the rest of your life with the person that hurt you, especially that badly.
This is my favorite piece of advice in this thread, because it works no matter what avenue you want to take.
seriously, at least she told you straight out how she felt. having her deny everything would have just delayed the inevitable and making things miserable for much longer.
I used to pray to God for a bicycle when I was a kid, then I realized that is not how God works so I stole one instead and asked for forgiveness. DD
I see where you are coming from, but I disagree. Life is too short to be miseralbe or not in love with your spouse...the person you live with. If there are kids, you can sacrifice your personal happiness with the spouse to try to keep the children from dealing with a divorce. That is, unless you fight all of the time in front of them, then it's probably better to be apart. Of course, this could become it's own thread, so back on topic Good luck, man. Whatever you do, be strong. Don't act like a poor victim here. Even if you are dying inside, try not to let her see it.
I always feel like you shouldn't have to change who you are to be with someone. You might become a better person for someone else (ie watching vulgar language, being more clean, etc.) but not change who you are simply for the sake of pleasing someone else. If someone asks that of you then they don't really like you, much less love you.
