Yeah yeah, I'm typically the last to ask advice, but I'm experiencing a conundrum. I've been dating this girl for a few months now, but I've noticed she keeps in contact with her ex's. This wouldn't be a huge issue other than she brings it up right after she's ending it. ie. has me in the background while she is telling them it is over. The first time was no biggie. We'd been dating roughly a month, and I understood that one. However, the one tonight gave me pause. We've been dating three months now, and another ex had been texting her for who knows how long, but she chose to call him while I was there to tell him to stop calling or texting her. After a bit of goading, I found out that this guy broke up with her 10 months ago after two years of dating. And that he had broken up with her. I still took her to dinner, but after a while, it was obvious I was still apprehensive as to their previous relationship, so I chose to leave. Regardless of what she told me, I said that she needed to figure out what her feelings were before we got any deeper in our involvement. I'm hoping ladies might be able to fill me in on this one. However, I'm also aware that all 5 women on the board are either under 25 or have had exactly 1-2 relationships, but I still feel I'm in the right for leaving. As far as I'm concerned, I'd rather someone find out if there was something to be in the past than to forgo it because a new one has come along. So I suppose my question is: Was I wrong for leaving this evening? EDIT: And, to be fair, she's always been blatantly honest. It's one of the reasons we've been dating.
Alright Fatty, I know we've had our differences, but here's my take... With the whole waiting 'til you're around to make those calls thing... it sorta sounds to me like maybe she's insecure, and she's trying to prove to you that she's wanted. Maybe she thinks that she likes you more than you like her? I don't think you were wrong at all for leaving. Who needs the BS? But I also wonder if that might confirm that theoretical suspicion I'm assigning to her that she's more into you than you're into her... and maybe that would lead to her pulling the same crap again. Just my two cents.
You did the right thing. She can't be devoted to you or put in an equal amount of effort into your guys' relationship until she's completely done/had closure with her ex. Let her hang and if she wants to be with you, she'll be back. Otherwise, good riddance. Don't waste your time with her BS. That's what I say.
Okay, this is not exactly appropriate, but it's as close a chance as I'm going to get to reference the best song ever written. Jonathan Richman is a gift to humankind. ----------------- Well she's back with her old boyfriend. He don't challenge her. He don't contend with her. And she don't answer the cards you send. Now you're jelous of the time he spends with her. (chorus=) *Just let her go into the darkness. Let her learn from all the things there. Just let her go into the darkness. Let her go, let her go, let her go.* You want tell that her that her boyfriends no friend You want to tell her she don't know where he's at She won't listen 'cuz she's not listening Just take them sheets to the laundromat. (chorus) Of course she's taking drugs, what did you expect? Alcoholic to, yeah, yeah, don't worry about that It's alright, it's alright, it's all right Laundromat, laundromat, laundromat (chorus) Oh, you've got your shoes on, you want to take a walk But you're headed for her neighborhood You want to talk to her, but she won't wanna talk You want to warn her how her boyfriends no good, no no (chorus) <object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ech2iOtlsaw&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ech2iOtlsaw&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>
Baby, baby, baby What's it gonna be? Oh baby, baby, baby Is it him or is it me? Don't make me waste my time Don't make me lose my mind, baby Baby, baby, baby Can't U stay with me 2night? Oh Baby, baby, baby Don't my kisses please U right? U were so hard 2 find The beautiful ones, they hurt U every time Paint a perfect picture Bring to life The vision in ones mind The Beautiful ones Always smash the picture Always everytime If I told you baby That I was in love with you Oh Baby baby baby If we got married Would that be cool? You make me so confused The beautiful ones You seem always to lose Baby, baby, baby What's it gonna be baby? Do you want him? or Do you do want me? Cuz I want you. Say I want you Tell me baby Do you want me I gotta know I gotta know Do you want me Can I tell you a story?? Sometimes you lose Let me tell you Sometimes Sometimes Sometimes you win Yes you do I say sometimes Sometimes I get so confused Yes I do But I say right now Right now I know what I want I want you Baby, baby, baby Listen I may not know where I'm going baby Look here I may not knkow what I need But one thing One thing for certain baby I know what I want And it's to please you baby Please you baby I'm begging down on my knees I want you Yea I want you Baby baby baby baby I want you Yes I do
That was one of my assumptions except that she may have been doing it to show you that she no longer wanted them or any part of them in order to be with you. How would you have felt if they called and then she did not answer but she told you who was calling?
Really? We have almost 32,000 members... Anyway, what confuses me is why she chose to call her ex while she was with you. Isn't this something she could have done at a different time? I'm staying out of this one. My last relationship advice to ClutchCityReturns was a total disaster. Assume = Fail.
Fatty - Its called Karma. You've played so many girls over the years now you're getting played. Good Luck.
Fatty, I have a feeling you already know exactly what to do (in fact, you basically said it in your post). You gotta keep her at arm's length until she gets everything straight with her exes. You don't need to kick her to the curb or anything that drastic yet, but you need to put the relationship on pause for now. If she gets her issues taken care of, then you move forward. If not...well, you know what you have to do. I think you were fine in leaving for that night. There were obviously a lot of emotions flying around after her phone call, so best to let them calm down a bit. You say she is very honest, so just ask her what is going on and let her take care of things with the ex. For all you know, maybe he's been texting her trying to get back with her (or break off a little for ol' times sake). We both know that guys can be prone to do that from time to time, even after being the one to break it off. Her posturing while you are there could be her trying to make an affirmation to you about how much she likes you, but I am not 100% sure without more background info.
I'm a little confused. It seems like she did decide what she wants, and took definitive steps towards making that happen. Isn't cutting off communication with an ex a sign that she knows what she wants? I'm not sure why she did it in front of you, and that may be a sign of other issues, but it doesn't seem like the ex-boyfriend is going to be a factor.
It sounds like she doesn't respect you or she's just really dumb for fighting with her ex on the phone in front of you. How old is she? IMO If she was over her ex she would just ignore his calls and eventually he would stop calling. I don't think she's over it and she doesn't know how to treat(respect) the guy she's with now. Leaving was a good idea, and she knows what she did wrong. Signed, the 23 & 3/4 yr old chica
That was what I thought. If I don't want to hear from someone, I ignore. But she said that they wouldn't stop. Who knows what our breaking point is. I can take 1,000 texts and ignore them. As for her age? 41, and a knockout. To be fair to her, she came out with me and my boys to Adobe all afternoon and had several margaritas and even had a girlfriend of hers join us. Major brownie points in my book. Then I took her home and after a bit, decided that i preferred being at my place if she was going to sleep. I'll go back there around 2ish.
