Hey, yall. I'm back, and need a hand.

I don't have any sort of background in music, whether it be producing or playing and instrument, but I follow rap and hip hop religiously, so I'll give you a little feedback.

First of all, it does take a lot of courage to post personal work. I'm not at the point where I can reveal my own publishing content over the web. I truly respect those that have found their voice online.

From a purely auditory perspective, the inflection of the voice in the beginning and throughout the song becomes somewhat obnoxious. I understand the methodology you used in creating the chorus, but if I were you, I'd stop my inflection from reaching the peak it's currently at. I wasn't sure if that was your voice/vocals. Also, along the same lines, the pacing of the lyrical delivery seems considerably "off," in comparison to the instrumental. One speeds up while the other slows down. The example would be the opposite of Jay-Z. You know, how he rides a beat effortlessly? The lyrics and instrumental are battling with one another for cohesiveness.

I like the female voice (I hope that's what I heard) as the song progresses. It makes the hook more appealing. Put more of that in there...study how people use the likes of a Lana Del Rey voice in the background.

Lyrically, I don't want to go there because I don't think that was your focus here. You're working primarily in production, correct? If not, let's rewrite this into a sweet 16!!

Keep working on your goals, man! Just remember where those Nelly(s) and Drake(s) came from: The same lineage of Ja Rule, the first singing-rapper to hit 20 million in platinum record sales. Seriously! I have to respect the culture, and as much as people hate, Rule did his thing, and then was crucified by the likes of a singing-rapping Curtis"50 Cent" Jackson. Drake soon followed.

Gotta love the tradition.

 

Honestly? It's boring. Music is just 2 notes that are sustained. There's a little difference in the 4th bar and chorus, but it's not enough. There's no rhythm outside of the beat and it just makes it bland and repetitive. At the very least, give that bass part some rhythm. And the intensity comes down at the chorus when really it should be going up. The hook is the focal point. You might be better served by having the muffled/muted background music during the verse and the clearer part at the chorus.

The vocals are a little too low in the mix. I have to listen closely to hear the lyrics. It should be easier than that. I really think the sing/speak melodic type rapping (rapping with pitch) isn't working. Maybe on the chorus, but not the whole song. And going back to intensity, the vocals are at the same intensity the entire time. It's boring. You need highs and lows. Think of a movie. The story builds and builds until there's a climax and then there's release and resolution. Your song is like a movie where nothing happens because it sounds the same the whole way through.

 

Not a musician, but that was not so hot IMO. The chorus, which wasn't even good, was 90% of the song. I hate when that happens.

Honestly it reminded me of Kirk Van Houten's "Can I Borrow a Feeling"

Spoiler

 

I liked the beat. It reminded me of something I used to hear from the British or Japanese rap scene which has produced darker beats and melodies and more emphasis on atmosphere, emotion and melody. The track sounds a bit muffled although you might be seeking that effect. I listened to your previous version of this track from earlier in the thread and the lyrics and sound were much clearer. I have no input on the content of the lyrics as I don't really pay attention to that. This definitely is not part of the upbeat, pop hip hop in society today, but I think with some clearer lyrics a producer can make this track work.

 

The ealier version had clearer lyrics but the lyrics are too straightforward without a vivid story. Chasing arches is nice metaphor and I like artists who like piling on metaphors where catching one or two makes me feel clever.

Not a fan of the beat. I like music that changes and rises over time. Club music rides the same beat and hook over and over again but the lyrics aren't the club variety, it's the opposite.

You're experimenting and learning, so be bold and don't be afraid of mixes that might not work out. Not everyone has the same tastes and some successful artists has a sound that you either really like or really hate without a middle ground.

PS. I respect the fail fast, fail early approach you're taking. Good luck on your journey