Depressed

Sorry about your Dad.....

That ex of yours should stay an ex based on what your describing.

You can tell a lot about people when your in trouble or going through a hard time.

If she wasn't there for you when your dad passed on then she prob. ain't worth being your wife....sorry to say it.

If your Depressed I recommend....STAYING BUSY.

Work out, work outside and just do constructive activities to keep your mind busy.

I recommend talking to friends and staying away from negative people (maybe your ex.)

 

Several things, but first and foremost: my deepest sympathies for the loss of your father. That's got to be a difficult thing to go through, even in the best of times, so I hope that you can find a way to find peace.






Now, this next part you might want to brace yourself for...







Dude, WTF?!?!?!? Why do you keep posting about proposing to this girl to whom you OBVIOUSLY don't feel ready to commit? There's always an excuse (need to save up, she doesn't get along with my mom, wanted to surprise her, waiting for her birthday, etc. etc.), but the real truth is this: YOU AREN'T READY TO MARRY HER, and might NEVER be. It's obvious to anyone who has followed this saga. Let. It. Go. Move on. Start fresh.

Of course, you've never followed our advice before, why start now?

 

Sorry about your dad.

About your depression, the best I can say to you is just avoid staying too much in your room and in your house. Although this might seem hard, you need to go out and meet people. I've seen my mom go through a lot of depressions throughout my life and the worst thing you can do is stay in doors and not try to stay busy. You need to interact with people as well bro. I know you are in a new city which is probably making your depression worst, but just try your best to go out and meet people.

 

AND....

I agree that she needs to stay an ex. She's definitely seeing someone else (and has been). She is not interested in your or your feelings.

You feel compelled to go to her because of the emotional pain you're going through and because of loneliness. You must resist that urge.

Focus on friends, work, family, sports, yourself (get some hobbies). These things won't bring your father back. But they'll help you feel the process of moving forward with your life.
 

 

Although it may be true that he wasn't ready and willing to commit before, I feel like, and this is after the most recent post, that he really does want to be with her. I think in his mind the issue is now if she is someone that he wants to be with based on what's happened with his father.

To the OP, I am sincerely sorry about your loss. I also feel like, from reading your post, that you are more down about your ex, and that whole situation than your father which may be a sign that you in-fact regret how the situation was handled before.

All you can do now is ask yourself what type of position you want this girl to play in your life, and handle it from there.

Good luck, and once again, I'm sorry for you loss...

 

Man. My condolences about your dad.

You are in a tough situation now. But these guys are right about the ex. You have to understand that you are trying to juggle a lot of different situations right now, and you can only succeed when you tackle them one at a time.

Your ex is an ex right now, and that's all. You have to get yourself in order first. Grieve and really deal with the loss of your dad. Focus on yourself and getting your life in order. Whatever the issues were with your relationship - whether it be you or her or whoever, those just haven't gone away. Even if that means it was whatever reasons you had for not wanting to marry - you have to work those out on your own.

Maybe when things are in order or a little more clear you can think about the relationship situation. But right now all you are doing is pining for someone who can't return the attention, and delaying your own attempts at getting your mind right. That has to come first before anything else.

 

You prob want to get back with ex cause you are alone and need someone familiar, but when that person doesn't even call you what is the point. It has to be a two way thing. She prob has moved on or at least it seems that way.

 

She hasn't supported you more because she is your EX.

She should remain your ex, and it doesn't sound like she wants you .... she moved on, the time for marriage has passed.

Worry about your dad and yourself. You have issues

 

this is why these sort of threads are never truly fruitful... they're always observed with a very generalized black-and-white overview and over simplistic analysis on a matter that never is.. and replied to with one-size-fits-all solutions.. never taking into account the subject matter's great propensity for unique situations..

 

actually, i should've said, "unique circumstances"..

 

Just trying to help man. Not all of us have gone through these unique circumstances and we only wish to voice our opinion hoping it will help.

 

Sorry about your dad. It's not easy when it happens, but you aren't alone.



It seems like either she's moving on or she's comparison shopping from the break up that she likely holds you responsible. Objectively, you didn't want to marry. She did and she gave you an ultimatum. It wouldn't be fair for you to hold her up to marriage standards when you yourself didn't want to be placed on them. It would be nice, but that's not happening. A woman in her late-twenties and onward will not view marriage the same way a man of the same age will. If you have that in mind, then you probably crushed her more than you know or that she'll let you know.

Psychobabble on the net about your relationship shouldn't be the issue though. You're in no state for proposing. Besides, do you really want what should be an awesome moment for a person's life overshadowed with grief from your dad's death?

I hope you find more means of support to help you grieve for your old man. I would cut off communication for a while and put the ball on her court. It's like you're expecting 80% attention from her when she's giving you a smaller percentage. If you're still thinking about a future with her, now wouldn't be a great state of mind to determine things.

 

I'm honestly sorry about your dad. That's gotta be devastating.

As far as your women troubles go: you'll never be happy with a mate until you find that only you can make YOU happy. Yes, this girl is seeing someone else. Women don't stay single. Take a positive out of the negative and see that life is too short to mope over a woman. Focus on yourself, let the grief come, get to know yourself, and you'll come out on the other side a stronger man.

 

STAY BUSY DUDE

 

Sorry about your dad. That's got to be real hard. And being in a new city with no one close to confide in has to be hard.
Let your ex go. Like others said, stay busy to keep your mind off of things.

 

pick up the phone, and call your ex. ask her why she doesn't call you and why she hasn't given you enough support in times like this.

see what she has to say, then, you go from there. But, you gotta be ready to hear bad news. She might be seeing someone, or i know you still lover her, but she might has moved on already, to her, you are just an ex. The reason why she doesn't call you is because she doesn't want you to get the idea that there's a future for both of y'all. Or,,she is not seeing anyone, and she still has feelings for you, but she's confused. she doesn't know if you are ready to commit to her for real,especially right after you dad just passed away and you are vulnerable emotionally.

I mean, if it bothers you that much, call her and talk to her about it.

Sorry about your dad, my heart goes out to you!

 

The fact that she broke up with you because you didn't want to get married right away is all you need to know. She is not worth it. Now if you told her you never wanted to get married or couldn't see yourself marrying her within the next few years, that is a different story. But if it was understood that you wanted to marry her eventually, she really is not worth it if she wasn't able to wait. Good for you though for standing your ground when you truly weren't ready for it.

Also, she doesn't call you because she is your EX. She broke up with you. I'm not sure why you expect her to call you. The fact that you call her only for support does not bode well. I don't know of any woman that wants to be with a man with whom she has to be the shoulder to cry on. I understand it is a very difficult time, but that's not helping. I don't know your family situation but you need to turn to them and support each other.

What you need to do is forget about her and grieve from your loss. Be with family as much as you can. In the time it takes to do that she should fade into a memory.

 

The relationship is over and she no longer has any obligation to you. Stop wondering why she's not calling you or supporting you, and certainly don't blame her for it.

In the meantime, sort out everything else in your life, clear your head, learn your lessons, and come back a stronger person. If by then you're able to come back to her with a clear head and able to start something up again, then great. And if not, then so be it. Just move on.

Lastly, it doesn't sound like you're depressed in a clinical sense - so that's a good thing. It's only natural to be sad under circumstances like these. Once you take the steps to getting back up on your feet, you'll feel much better.

 

Why does everyone expect to be happy all of the time? Life sucks. Deal with it.