Depressed

You read like the ultimate procrastinator when it comes to marriage. Reads like she got sick of it and left. Now, you are still second-guessing your actions. Maybe you should just show up at her door and propose if you really want her? She may have moved on with someone else...but she sounds like she really wants marriage and may take you back. Either way...you will arrive at more closure than you have now and don't have to think back on it with a bunch of second-guessing.

Or, don't do any of that and move on.

 

Go with this.

Sounds like the girl finally wised up and got tired of you stringing her along. Just leave her alone and let her live her life. Think of her instead of yourself, for a change.

I'm very sorry to hear about your Dad.

 

Although I don't know your situation what I am guessing after reading your post is like others have said.

You only want to get back with your ex because you are alone and sad right now. You are not thinking clearly in the "issues" you had with her in the first place and why you did not want to commit with her. This is typical after a break-up where we are feeling low and associate happier times when we were with that person choosing to see the relationship through rose colored glasses rather than the reality that it was.

Now this situation became even more complex with the passing of your father. I can not imagine the pain you must have gone through and being in a new city without friends or family makes it only that much harder. With this new sadness complicating the depression you were feeling before it really is making you crazy wanting to go back to happier times again (which once again you associate with her.)

She is probably feeling the pressure of wanting to find a guy to marry and pop out a few kids with seeing that she ended it with you because of her own issues with her biological clock and fear of getting older and not being married. It would not suprise me if she is seeing another guy because usually when women get to that point they get desperate and need to feel like they are progressing toward that goal instead of standing pat and letting the time slip away.

THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART.....

See a psychologist or get some therapy for this. Your situation is different from just he standard post break up depression do the complications of being in a new city and the loss of your father. I think that is an important first step for you. Your not crazy your just stuck in a rut and need a push to get you back on track.

Best of luck man.

 

See doctor.

try anti depressants.

even a mild one may be all you need.

best wishes.

 

My X Girlfriend and I had the most complications that any relationship can get. She was diagnosed with a very serious eye disease a year and a half into our 8 1/2 relationship and on top of that she was not a US Citizen. Her eye disease is a degenerative disease which means it gets worse over time. Most people that have what she has become completely blind at age 40. She cannot see at night already. So throughout our relationship I had to hold her hand and tell her where to go, watch her steps, count the steps for her, read her subtitles in movie theatres, read her the entire menu when we went out to eat and she could not drive at all. So my commute was insane as I live in Sugar Land and she lives pass the intercontinental Airport on the northside. But, I did not mind doing any of those things because I truly loved her dearly. I helped her out with all her homework throughout college and checked her papers as well. The problem is that we met really young bc we were perfect for each other. At first into our relationship it was about religion as my parents didnt accept her when I first met her back in 2001 bc she wasn't Christian Catholic so I was soooo scared of my parents disowning me I didnt bring her around but kept going out with her behind my parents back for 5 years and only told them "Officially" about her after I graduated college from U of H back and got my first job back in June 2006. That was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. Bc during the course over the last 8 1/2 years my parents started seeing and attending weddings that were mostly interracial. And would hear about someone marrying outside their own race and be happy. But, they didnt want me to marry my X bc she had vision problems that might not even allow her to have children bc their is a 50% chance that she will pass it along to her child as it is gentically passed. My parents wanted some grandchildren out of me in the future. After my X broke up with me I started opeing up to my parents about her and they started liking her soooo much but it was too late. They straight up told me I should have brought her to the house and not hide her from them. But, I have an update. I just recently found out my X that I went out with for 8 1/2 years went and "Married" to one of my friends 1 month after our breakup. She married her best friend that was in our crew for 8 1/2 years, no INS investigators or anyone were after her. She was just "Tired" of waiting for me to get situated with my career since my past job layoffs and wanted to get her paperwork straightened out so she could get her Green Card. So, now I don't know if she was using me for her Green card or truly loved me. Her parents offered me a house, and a brand new beamer after I graduated college but I refused bc I don't marry out of money. I Marry out of love, honor, respect, and pride. So, the guy she married took the money since he was in alot of debt and whatever else My X and her parents offered him. There is sooo much more to this drama, but I wanted to give you advice. Don't make the same mistake I made in not bringing your girlfriend to your parents if and only you see her in the long term in your life. Your parents will be extremely pissed at the beginning and will not approve her but you have to give it time. I was soooo involved with my X's whole family, I would go to all their family functions, events, bday parties, house parties, you name it. I was really close with all her cousins and would even take trips to New York with them, and my X came to visit me when I was in Los Angeles, CA last year. Now it hurts me sooo much bc I am not part of her and her family anymore. Here is an analogy that one of my older cousin's gave me. I didnt listen to him at the time, but hopefully you will. If you take a frog and put him in a boiling water, he will jump out immediately. But, if you adjust the temperature you will see the frog settle in. As hard as this will be in the beginning you, your parents and your girlfriend will benefit in the long run, trust me. What parents need to relaize is their child's happyness. The question you and your girlfriend have to make and not now bc you both are really young, but is when/if you both decide to have children, what religion will they follow or be raised in??? That is a very important decision you both have to make if you guys are in it for the long term. The key word is "Compromise" between the both of you. What other complications do you both have???

 

My fault, I am not able to edit my post, I did a cut and paste for someone else that had a similar problem than I did. I am dearly sorry for the loss of your father. That must be the most painful tragic thing that can happen to an individual. The replies to your thread have also helped me out alot. I have been and still am in a great deal of depression. I have been staying inside my room at my parents house all cooped up and lonely, thinking of all the Happy memories I had with my X girlfriend for 8 1/2 years. Exact same thing happened to me. I graduated college back in Dec 2005 and unfortunately have been laid off 3 jobs in 2 1/2 years. I moved to Los Angeles, CA last May 08 and lived there for a year until that was my 3rd Layoff and moved back to Houston this past April. My X graduated college this past May 09 and gave me an ultimatum to marry her, in which I told her I would, called her sis, best friend that works for a diamond import company and told her that I would move back to Houston with intentions of marrying her. Well, we broke up first over the phone when I was in LA in late March, so 2 weeks passed and I decided to call her telling her I would marry her, well long story short, I moved back to Houston in April, and asked myself "How can I ask her dad for his daughter's hand in marriage, when I don't even have a job"? I didnt do what I told her in LA, and I went out of the country to visit my sick grandparents from my mom and dad's side and she begged me not to go and stay back to marry her, well I didnt and I went for 2 1/2 weeks thinking we would resolve this when I get back and she goes complete COLD TURKEY on me, ignores every form of communication I tried. I find out that she goes and marries her best friend that happens to be a guy 1 month after our breakup. And this guy was not just any guy, he was one of my common mutual friends of over 8 1/2 years. We all grew up together and had soo many moments together. She had the other issues I have wrote above. I am still jobless, depressed, and I feel like I am in a nightmare that I cant wake up from. I was her first and only that I know of in 8 1/2 years so it hurts me sooo much. People are all telling me I need to move on. It's alot easier said than done. So when I was going through her best friend asking him for advice after our breakup he was playing devil's advacat in givingme his Dr. Phil's advice on relationships but yet married to my X for 8 1/2 years 1 month after we broke up for good. I have lost all motivation in life and stopped caring for anything. I am about to lose my car bc I cant make anymore payments on it. I have been thinking of selling my car and moving to New York if I can land a good job there, but its hard bc I live here in Houston and my resume does not stand out where companies will want to fly me over for interviews and I hate phone interviews, I do better in person. New York is a perfect city to be single in. I have friends over there and they love it. There is sooo much activities to do there. I am going through alot of motions as well. I am sorry for hijacking your thread.

 

"You can act like a man!"

 

Interesting that women seemingly fall back on marrying the male best friend after the relationship goes south. Why would you want to date a chick with a male best friend...unless the male best friend is gay? Seems like trouble.

 

I'm curious. Did anyone actually read this post? I may try again later after I've had my coffee, but it's too hard right now.

Paragraphs, man, PARAGRAPHS!!

 

I skipped over it. I need paragraphs myself.

 

I've never understood women breaking up because we don't want to marry them.

So basically, they don't really want to be with you or love you. I marry you, you stay with me, I don't and you leave. Sounds r****ded, it doesn't even make sense.

 

It's an ultimatum. They know what they want. If you don't give it to them they'll find someone who will. A woman's dream is to tie down a man and have him settle down with her and have kids. A man's dream is to have a girlfriend but no restrictions. They don't mesh.

 

Maybe this will inspire you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trLuvMXtQ3k

 

And, then the man cheats...and the woman wonders why.

 

Oh, I don’t know… perhaps some women just want a guy who is actually willing to make some kind of commitment to her? You know, instead of just humping her?

Crazy b****es.

 

Dude. C'mon, the Rockets' season is just around the corner!!! Cheer up!

Aw, sh... crap. I'm supposed to help, not depress you more... sorry, man. Darn it. FAIL.

That's what she said!

 

Jmack....don't know how to use paragraphs?

Simple rule: press ENTER after 3-4 sentences.

That's what I did here. Gives the old eyes a break.

.

8 years is a lifetime man. You probably feel like you lost your ex and a friend. Feeling down is normal.

What I've learned the hard way is that you can't let your job or pay status determine what kind of life you want to live. People can take that the wrong way and spend the way they want to live without the caveat of working harder to improve themselves. What I mean is that if you wanted to marry someone, then the worries about your status shouldn't have mattered.

You've seen it with your own parents. They didn't like her status until you opened up on who she was. They were willing to look past what they wanted when they saw her effect on you.

It hurts to look back and feel like you thought more with your mind than with your heart or that you just plain ****ed up. But at the time you felt you were making sound choices...and they were. There aren't any right or wrong decisions. You just gotta do what you want and enjoy it.


As for your ex, women face their own pressures in life that we don't have to deal with. Having 3 sisters, I've seen them contemplate over what they should do, want to do, or feel like doing. All different and equally valid desires. It could conceivably be that she did love you and she did want to lose the pressure of getting a green card.

People can definitely change or reinvent themselves when they set their mind to it. Or it happens when the mind is set and it changes us.

It's happening to you now with your depression and lack of motivation. Once the healing process kicks in, it's up to you to set your mind to something higher.

 

Start going to the gym and train to be a boxer, trust me it works and will give you a challenge so difficult that you won't have enough energy to think about anything else.