Your wedding night

Much as I'd like to divulge, my brother reads this bbs and it would just be kinda creepy for him to know the details of my honeymoon.

 

My first marriage and honeymoon was rotten. Terrible. Miserable. For one, I had a nervous stomach the entire time from the rehearsal dinner up until the wedding day because in my heart, I knew I shouldn't have married her. My boys took me to a strip club, we were out until 4 a.m. and I had to get up at 9 a.m.

I started hurling. Then dry-heaving. I dry heaved so much that I had some blood vessels burst in my eyes. Talk about red eyes! By the time we drove to the hotel about three hours away (we were headed on a cruise), I was exhausted.
Dehydrated. Sore. She was a virgin and all I heard was it hurts, it hurts. I tried to be gentle, but to no avail. I rolled over and went back to sleep.

Worst night of my life. Funny, it was an omen of things to come. Ugh....

However, my second marriage and resulting honeymoon was awesome. Stupendous. Outstanding as in outstanding ****ing. She ripped that dress uniform (one can not understand how crazy Marine dress blues make a woman) off of me like a hungry hobo ripping the wrapper off a ham sandwich.

It was wild and fortunately, despite the demands of her job, three kids (now) and me being gone for much of football season, it still is that way.

 

Hence the name bamaslammer

 

Our wedding night? It was a trip. We had lived together for most of the previous 4 years, so we knew each other very well. It was still a trip. The wedding was at the university chapel, since it was nondenominational, with a bunch of faculty present, as well as friends and relatives. That made us a little nervous, besides the jitters of being at the center of such a big production. (anyone who's had a relatively large wedding will understand) There was a big party planned at the house of a close friend, afterwards, to celebrate.

I told my buddies at the reception to grab a bottle or two of champagne on the way out, under their coats, my mother-in-law being Dutch, so there would be some for the party. (my mother-in-law really was a Dutch immigrant, lol) Later, my mother-in-law says, "Be sure and take all that champagne!" The party was awash in it. We were going to stop by for half an hour... an hour, tops. It was absolutely wild. My friends still talk about it, and the pictures are hilarious. Perfect for blackmailing about 20 people, if I were that mean. Debauchery and general wackiness prevailed. Untold things happened in the bedrooms. I've seen my friends every kind of smashed... eyes the size of saucers, stumbling around and into each other, but this reached some new heights.

We left about 3:30 in the morning. How we didn't get pulled over and arrested is a miracle. We finally got to our hotel, opened a suitcase, and it was full of champagne! I thought we were going to die laughing. Then we really had fun. It was fabulous.

 

What you do is you keep rationalizing to yourself it's OK. Like: "What are we supposed to do, not get married after dating all these years? If we were going to break up, we would have done it by now." Or: "It's already set in stone. Everyone made plans to come all the way here to your wedding. You may as well be hitched already." And going even further back: "Well, he moved to the same town as me. That means we have to commit." I know I was wondering about it the whole time, but just dismissed it as random emotions and tried to find reasons that what I was doing was OK.

Anyway, if you don't feel like marrying someone, or have any doubts, DO NOT GO THROUGH WITH IT. Please. Just move on. Better than having to do it after you've gotten hitched, and committing a sin and really hurting someone.

I know the first time is supposed to hurt for women, but it really didn't (much). I guess it depends who you are.

 

Fatty is going to **** a brick when he reads this.

 

Why does everyone keep saying this?!?

 

.....

 

I dont think its a spoiler when the show has been in reruns for like 3+ years.
Carrie dies in the last episode.