Playing first base in LL, I booted a ball that rolled past me into the entrance of the opposing dugout, I jogged over and tried to plant and reach for the ball all in one motion, only problem was the dugout entrance was concrete and my cleats didn't quite grab the way they would have if it had been if it had been grass and I slipped and busted my ass. This made for a lot of heckling from the opposing dugout for the rest of the game. another time, I somehow made the Allstar team despite the fact that I only remember getting one hit the whole season. So anyway, the coach gave me the call to bat against one of the hardest throwers in our area, he was mowing us down left and right..... I went up there and eventually worked a walk, the next guy up singled into center and I was thrown out at second by the center fielder.
As you might imagine I have a few, but here's one of the most recent. I was on this show a few weeks ago here in Houston and was with some really dirty acts. Normally I can outclass dirty acts and turn the crowd in my favor, but not this time. The crowd was staring at me like "who is this loser?" so I switched gears and started doing some of the dirtiest stuff I'd ever written. I did queef jokes, joked about having a younger sexually possesed girlfriend, deviant drug material, ethnic jokes and even pretended to be high. After the show, most of the crowd thought that I was the funniest guy on the show, I had younger women and thugs all around me when this one table came up to me and said, "Hey we work with your wife and were at a S.A.L.T (a Christian organization at her job) meeting earlier and she mentioned that you might be here tonight, it was interesting..."
I'll just mention the one that felt most embarrassing, though I doubt many actually realized what happened. I was playing with a band back around 1990 downstairs at Fitzgerald's in Houston. It was when the downstairs was called Zelda's and the stage was right in the front with a low ceiling and pretty awful sound overall. So, we're about halfway through the set when I realize I need to sing backup vocals. I whip around not realizing where the mic is and NAIL the microphone with my front tooth, chipping it. The worst part is that the mic was on a tripod stand and kinda fell forward but not enough to tip it over, so I shook my head and looked up in just enough time to see the mic coming back at me and it just whomped me on the forehead. I have a chipped tooth and a whelp forming on my forehead and I think that is it for the night. But, no. About 2 songs later, I'm acting like a dumbass and I grab the neck of my bass to point the whole thing toward the ceiling forgetting that the ceilings are REALLY low. I jam the top half of the headstock through the sheetrock ceiling. What a gig!
I didn't do this, but it embarrassed the hell out of me. I was doing a gig and, at the time, I still had hair down to nearly my waist. Like most gigs, I was thrashing around and got hair in my mouth. We're in between songs and I'm turned around pulling hair out of my mouth. As I turn back around, my singer (a female), says on the microphone, "What's wrong, Jeff? You have pubic hair in your mouth or something? What have YOU been doing?" Mind you, my mom and Mrs JB were in the audience at the time. Horrific.
More funny than embarrassing... My sister-in-law asked my wife for the negatives of our family Christmas pictures, and my wife obliged by giving her the whole set that came with the photo pack. Rewind to Christmas Eve, just arriving home from a late church service. My wife decides to give me my gift that night, a pair of nice boxers, so I wouldn't be embarrassed by my brother on Family Gift Opening Day. So there I was posing for a picture in my suit top and tie, boxer shorts, and arms akimbo. Fast forward to my birthday party, present opening time. With a sheepish grin, my brother gives me a package with homemade wrapping paper. The repeating print on the paper was my boxershort-akimbo picture from Christmas Eve. Hilarity ensued. (Oh, the present inside was a summer sausage and a 'Tom Jones' CD, inside jokes both.) I still have that wrapping paper.
When I was a senior in high school, there was this girl who had the nicest set of breasts I've ever seen (they still are) on a woman. They were remarkably perky and BIG! She was wearing this sweater that gripped them in the right places (I love girls in tight sweaters with big boobs) and I had a raging hard-on. I mean I was pitching a circus tent. My geometry teacher calls on me to do a problem at the board. I sat there, panicked. My teacher called again and told me to get to that board immediately. When everyone saw the tent that was my pants, they roared in laughter and I was humilated. I heard "Boner" catcalls for the rest of the my senior year.
This was during 2003 thanksgiving shopping sale and i was at the mall with my friends.. i was wearing some basketball clothes cuz we were looking foward to hooping after the mall... well me and my buddies usually play stupid tricks and my friend decided to pull one on me.. like .. MY SHORTS! we met up in the lounge area of the mall or something with the couches.. and starbucks was right there near it with a few hot chicks sitting.. having a cup of coffee. well i was looking at the people just walking...and my friend comes up from behind me and pulls my shorts down.. not only my shorts did he pull down but also my BOXERS!! so pretty much a packed mall and some people saw my nuts.. and i was in a lil shock.. took me awhile to pull my shorts back up cuz i couldn't believe he pulled them all down .. haha they made a bit of a scene so a couple of people had to see what the raucus was about.. man.. that one sucked.. then i ran into Foleys where my sister was working haha and this milf made this slight smile at me.. i think she was laughing inside .. and not to mention.. the cold weather made it worse lol
How old were you friends? If anyone did that to me no matter who they were, I beat the s***t out of them and I don't think thats even funny. Maybe in a house where's no one is around but at a mall during a busy day...your friends are crazy!!
In...like...Kindergarten, the teacher gave the class a spelling quiz. After the quiz was over, the teacher essentially graded them publicly and then asks, "how many got that one right?" . So, apparently I misspelled some easy word cause she asked that question at one point and I was the only one who didn't raise my hand for spelling this particular word right. So, the whole class(including the teacher) proceeded to point at me and laugh out loud(lol) at me. I was ridiculed to the point where it scarred me and I'm telling you people now. I don't have many memories of my early years but the bad ones stay with you. In about the same grade, we used to give choir and bell performances for all the parents/teachers. So, there is this huge crowd and the lady starts passing out the bells. Well, we were supposed to pass the bells down to the next person until every person in the row has a bell. There was only one person to my left and I forgot to give him a bell so he didn't have a damn bell and it was all my fault cause I didn't pass it down. So, during the performance, I pretended to share my bell with him but that didn't work and I felt embarrassed the whole time cause it was totally obvious. Another time growing up I was a good soccer player who played left/right wing, center-forward, halfback, goalie, etc. . I could play all the positions pretty well. During this one game, I'm playing halfback and the ball was kicked in my direction with noone around. In that situation, I usually drill the ball across the field to get it back on the opponent's side where our forward players still were. So, I run up to this ball ready to kick the crap out of it, I give my best kick, and I freaking miss the ball and land flat on my arse! Oh...the humiliation! Another time in baseball...I threw my helmet after I was thrown out running to first out of frustration. I threw it right after crossing first base not particularly aiming at anyone but just flipping off my helmet. The helmet hit the first baseman. He went and pouted to the first base umpire that the helmet hit him and I got thrown out of the ballgame for poor sportsmanship. So, I had to sit behind the home plate screen and be stared at by all the parents like I was the mini-devil or something. To be honest, I didn't really throw the helmet as much as I flipped it off as I was running across first base. The forward motion carried it into the first baseman. It wasn't like I threw it as hard as I could. I felt I got a bad wrap and felt like a convict after that. One time...in band camp...
I think I posted this before, but I will again. 1969 - 2nd Grade - me and 6 or 7 schoolfriends are sitting around a cafeteria table eating lunch. The discussion is centered on what our fathers do for a living. When it gets to me, I tell the room that my Dad is a photographer for Playboy magazine (this is false, mind you). Fast forward 10 years.... 1979 - Freshman year at UT - I am at a frat party, standing in a group of 6 or 7 people, and the discussion is centered around what our fathers do for a living. I mention that my father is President and Manager of a subsidiary of a multi-national chemical company (this is the truth). A woman who was in the group in 1979 was also in the group in 1969. A real hottie that lots of guys I grew up with were in lust with. She gets me alone, grabs me by my collar, throws me against a wall, gets two inches from my face, and in a very stern tone, said "when we were in the second grade, you told us your father was a photographer for Playboy magazine! What gives??" I looked at her, took a swig of beer, shrugged my shoulders and said.... "I lied!"
When I was in preschool or pre-K, we went on a field trip to the zoo. We are all at the duck pond and I am enjoying the sights when I see a friend of mine a few feet to my left start jumping from rock to rock in the pond along the "shore." i think, "that looks like fun" so I jum towards the rock nearest to me. For some reason I either over or undershot the thing by a wide margin. So I ended up in the water. The water was basically to my chest. People laugh and then, for some reason, some ducks started to come towards me. This prompts another kid to yell "they're coming to eat you!" So I freaked out and had to be pulled out by a teacher, they had to get some towels from somewhere, and I just cried. In 3rd or 4th grade I had a stomach ache and started to get mini-convulsions while in class. They hurt and each time it felt like I had to go to the bathroom. Well, on one particularly bad one I couldn't hold it and had a nasty accident in my pants. The smell was bad so when people noticed I played along and wondered who it had come from. After enough time had passed, me sitting there in my own filth, I asked the teacher if I could go to the nurse because I thought I had a fever (I, of course, knew I didn't). I go to the nurse, don't have a fever, but insist that i am sick and I want them to call my mother to take me home. She is busy so they get my dad. My father was an intimidating figure, so I was too embarrased to tell him. Once we got home I just said I felt like taking a bath. This was probably an hour or two after it happened in class. Sucked, and my shame/pride/whatever just made it worse.
11 years old, had just moved from Pasadena to a small town called Moss Bluff in Louisiana and was at a softball game to watch my cousin play anyway they were doing some stupid chant (We're TOUGH in the BLUFF, HUH!), and I really couldn't make out what they were saying and asked, really to myself but apparently quite loudly, "What the hell is the Buff?" everyone in the bleachers starts yelling and cursing me, and someone behind me dumps a beer on my head fast forward to the first week of school, everyone has to sit on the ground in front of the mobile buildings that pass for classrooms, and they are playing a game called "pass it on" where you lightly punch the person next to you in the shoulder whatever lol so I play along and punch the kid next to me quite lightly and I'm staring off into space I guess when the retarted kid I had punched starts wailing on my face, I had no clue what was going on and just saw stars... never even saw who hit me I was forever branded a big wuss, cuz I didn't fight back and never got him back... I just couldn't beat the r****ded kid up there were more fun games I learned about like "Cup check" where someone comes up to you, nails you in the crotch to "see" if you're wearing a cup I hate that freakin town
I was in a play once that we had already performed several times one week, not to mention rehearsal ad nauseum. Well at one point during the play I was supposed to slink away unnoticed during a dance scene, and then control some puppets from the background. Well by this time I was kind of in cruise control and just assumed I knew what was coming without thinking. Imagine my surprise when everyone on the stage was just standing there giving me meaningful looks, and there was nothing but silence in the whole auditorium. This went on for like 10-15 seconds before I realized that I was just standing there and not doing the puppets. So I just ran right around the background and the play resumed, but it was horribly obvious to the audience what had just happened. I felt like an idiot.
well the dude that did it was one of the youngest.. about 16 or 17.. he meant to pull just my shorts down but my boxers just happened to come down too haha damn it sucked.. i was pissed but.. its pretty funny even though that was horrible.. something i told my mom and she laughed too so.. no harm haha
