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You Might Be a Parrothead...

Discussion in 'Other Sports' started by The Ming Dynasty, Apr 18, 2009.

  1. The Ming Dynasty

    The Ming Dynasty Contributing Member

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    Here we go...
    You Might Be a Parrothead...
    If you have ever tried to pick up a woman with the line 'Why don't we get drunk and screw?'
    She might be a parrothead if she replies with 'Okay, got any Elmer's Glue?'
    If you name your children, your dogs, your cats, and your boats Frank, Lola, Delany, Savannah, and Banana Wind (not necessarily in that order)
    If you've ever bought your wife a bottle of tequila for Christmas.
    (If you've given Tequila to her for an anniversary, you ARE a Parrothead!)
    If you've ever woken up on a beach covered in mango jelly and smelling of mezcal beside a 17 yr. 11 month old girl from Ohio named Debbie.

    If your freezer has bullet holes in it of more than one caliber.

    If you've ever been cut-off by the bartender at The Green Parrot Bar for excessive drunkeness.

    If your barstool has a seatbelt.

    If you've ever gotten a ticket from the fashion police for thinking Hawaiian print fabric and giant foam flamingo hats were appropriate wedding day attire.

    If you eat cheeseburgers and mangos everyday.

    ...Or oysters and beer everyday of the year.

    If You take your date to the bar that has all the Buffett songs on the jukebox and play the flip side to "The Great Filling Station Holdup." When you ask her the name of that song, she replies gleefully, "Why Don't We Get Drunk... (And Screw).
    "
    If one of the proudest moments of your life was when your daughter (age three at the time) spontaneously started singing,"Why Don't We Get Drunk" at the top of her lungs while Christmas shopping at the mall.

    If you've ever uttered the phrase "Pardon me, but are you gonna eat the rest of that mango? It is the last one..."
    If every time you say "Manana" you REALLY mean it.

    If when you're at the beach and somebody yells "SHARK" you raise your arms and start singing "Fins"
    If your latest ambition is to find the words for " Takeyour drunken 15 year old..."
    You forgot that you would be passing the outer marker on the ILS into Boomtown International
    If you have at least one tattoo of a parrot somewhere on your body.

    If you'd rather go to a Buffett show than go to your friend's wedding.

    If you think coconuts are a food group by themselves.

    If the first song you learned the words to was Margaritaville.

    If when you go to a buffet, you feel like something's missing.

    If you've ever tried writing your on lyrics to "BananaWind" for a composition class, and then sung it in front of the class.

    You do all your Christmas shopping at the liquor store.

    You've actually contemplated spending $995.00 for one of those hurricane proof lifesize fake Royal Palm trees for the backyard and you live in Nebraska.

    You have a child named Cheeseburger.

    Your 1972 Chevy pickup has a fin spot-welded to the top of the cab.

    You have a Weber grill and an industrial strength blender permanently installed in the trunk of your car.

    All of your posts to AFJB are between 9am - 5pm.

    The largest file in your recipe box is marked BOATDRINKS.

    You have a dog named Cuervo.

    ... Or if Cuervo has a litter mate named Cap't Tony.

    You've taken a pilgrimage to Cincinnati, Ohio just to see where the cultural phenomenon began. And then gone back 3 more times.

    The most fun you've had in the past 5 years was in a parking lot.

    You serve tequila with every meal.

    If you wear a grass skirt to work on casual Friday's.

    If when you hear the phrase "I don't know" you spontaneously start singing.

    The 'keets sand box doubles as a beach for the adults.

    You know where Margaritaville is (but can't spell it).

    You spell with 'ph's all the time and you are not Sylvester the Cat.

    You sleep in a hammock instead of a bed.

    Every time you travel for work you think and hum... Come Monday it'll be all right... as you get on the plane.

    You hat looks like a post card from the tropics.

    You have sand in your trunk and live in the Midwest.

    You've found the lost shaker of salt.....and use it!
    It's your "own damn fault.
    "
    You wish you were one of the Gypsies in the Palace and at the Great Fillin' Station Holdup.

    Your pool raft has a palm tree on it.

    If people know you by your AFJB nick
    You have MORE than one hawaiian shirt, but have never been there.

    You have the flip-flop tan lines
    You consider football tailgaters as 'amateurs'.

    When someone mentions Timothy B. Schmidt you think of Buffett instead of that other band he played with.

    You've ever used the term 'Reggie young'n drunk'.

    You compare every harmonica player to Fingers and none of them cut it.

    You ever bothered to find out what an 'S-Control' is.

    You named a dog 'Spooner'.

    A perfect evening involves a sunset, Friends, music. Leave the tux and limo to the NY crowd.

    If you're going to MotM even though your job is ending three days before your plane leaves, You Might Be a Parrothead!
    If you hear of Glenn Fry and wonder if his house is still in one piece.

    If you actually tried to get to the Beach House on the Moon.
    (In Desdemona's Rocket ship, I presume?)
    If you consider friends and families as a good way to kill time between Buffett shows.

    If you dream of living on sponge cake and watching the sun bake.

    If you tell your boss your only going to work Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.

    If you speak in song lyrics more than twice a day for an entire conversation.

    If your girlfriend has broken up with you after attending a buffett concert on the grounds that she believes you to be "too different".

    Expecially if this has happened with two different girlfriends.

    If you like your cheeseburger with lettuce and tomatoe, Heinz 57 and French fried potatoes, a big Kosher pickle and a cold draft beer.

    If the house band at a bar screws up a Buffett lyric and you take the mike away from the lead singer to fix it.

    If you have two CD players, playing two different Buffett disks.

    If cajun martinis and afternoon golf are part of your daily routine.

    If you turn the heat up now and then in the winter to tropical levels just so you can put on your favorite Buffett t-shirt, shorts and flip flops because the concert season is still too many months away!
    If you spend 4 to 7 hours a night, surfing the Web, LOOKING for other Parrotheads and their sites!
    If you book a Flight to a.) Key West, Fl. b.) Orlando, Fl. c.) Charleston, S.C. d.) New Orleans, La.
    rent a '46 Packard just to drive for quick Lunch!
    If your mother makes you Hawaiian shirts with pockets inside the sleeves for your "contraband.
    "
    If you randomly open the door to business on concert day and yell, "We're off to see the Lizard.
    "
    If you buy a cell phone that covers the states you attend Jimmy Buffett concerts.
    (TRUE STORY!)
    If while scanning the radio stations you hear a Buffett song, you instantly lock it in on the presets.

    You always have limes and tequila in the house.

    You can't bear to throw away a Buffett t-shirt, no matter how gross it gets.

    You consider a Buffett concert to be a family reunion.

    If at least once a day you start a sentence with "As Jimmy Buffett would say..."
    When the first name for Your NEW Puppy pops up to be Savannah Jane.

    If your personalized license plate says "PIRATE".

    If you live on the east coast and start playing Jimmy non-stop because of a hurricane... while it's still on the African coast.

    If you your wardrobe consists of yellow, blue, red and orange all in one outfit.

    When You name Your NEW Puppy Savannah Jane after Buffett's Daughter!
    If you ever made a beach out of the back of your pick up truck...
    You're sailing in a reggatta in Cape May aboard the Jersey Girl, a J-24. The last race is about to start at 5:30. You convince your skipper to bail out so that you can get to Camden in time to get some tailgating in before the 8:00 Buffett show. You make it from Cape May to Camden in under one hour! You buy Buffett T-shirts for the crew of the Jersey Girl.
    (Whew! That's a mouthful)
    If your Buffett collection includes, not only every album released, but also the soudtracks to Summer Rental, FM, Fast Times, The Firm, & Urban Cowboy and more than one duet with a muppet.

    If you introduce yourself to strangers as 'Frank Bama'.

    If you ever used a tent and plastic trash bags as a toilet in a parking lot.

    If everything you buy at the grocery store is for your parrot.

    If all of your employees immediately and spontaneously do a "Fins Up" over their forehead at the first note of a Buffett song on the radio, in fear of being fired.

    If you start planning and making your coconut bra to wear weeks in advance of a Buffett concert in Minnesota in November!
    If its you and two others(out of 150 in the company), know what is a parrothead is!
    If you remember when the Margaritaville Store was at the foot of Margaret Street.

    If you wished you were somewhere other than here.

    If you're able to concoct a margaritta with a toe nail clipper and some duct tape in a fashion that would impress McGuyver.

    If you manage to destroy 3 10x12 sheets of plywood and the roof to your '87 Accord making a fin in anticipation of the upcoming concert.

    If you get all your information on the coconut telegraph.

    If you knew how Jimmy liked his Cheeseburgers before you knew that Mary's Little Lamb followed her to school one day.

    If you're growing older but not up.

    If you take vacation time two days prior and two days following a Buffett show.

    If you just like the damn music.

    If your kids want to play "Vampires, Mummies, and the Holy Ghost" as scary music for a haunted house...
    If your 5-year-old son wants to know what "Overkill" means...
    If you want to use "Little Miss Magic" as the father-of-the-bride dance at her wedding (and she's only 7!)
    When someone asks you a question and instead of just saying "no" you yell "NO, NO, NO!"
    If you know a buffett song lyric for almost every situation.

    If a 6'shark crashed your wedding reception...and nobody was surprised!
    If you know the line is really, "a bottle of rum and an escatrol" (speed)
    If your Jimmy Buffett collection also includes the soundtrack to Rancho Deluxe.

    If your daily work attire consists mainly of hawaiian shirts!
    If your kids favorite lullaby tape is the Parakeets album and favorite bed time story is jolly man.

    If you ever got a call from your angry ex-wife because your son went home after a weekend with you singing "Why don't we get drunk and screw"........oops
    If you every tried to win a girlfriend back by saying, "Honey do, honey come and do me again.
    "
    She might be a parrothead if the line works and she goes back to you.

    If you wake up every morning with the lyrics to a different Buffett tune running thru your head!
    If your're having a bad day and the only thing you can think is "Changes in Latitude, Changes in Attitude"
    And you MIGHT be a Parrothead if in the middle of winter, your favorite line is "I gotta go where it's warm!"
    If your wife envites the entire PHclub to your 50th birthday party at MOTM 2002, you think that would be coool.
    (and your all from IDAHO)
    If you tell your boss cannot work on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday because thats when Buffett plays... Then explain it to him/her or invite him/her to it!
    If on the kindergarden field trip to the petting zoo, your grandchild teaches the other kids the song about the vampires, mummies and the holy GOATS.

    When the license plate on the family mini-van is FINZZUP and it sports a pirate flag on the antanna. (And you're trying to convince your husband it really needs a fin welded to the top.

    When you get along with other Parrotheads.

    If you are on a cruise that crosses the equator and you yell out that you don't know if you are up or down!
    You drive from Northeast Ohio to Key West, and have a tape in the cassette deck set to play "Margaritaville" when you hit Duval St.
    for the first time!
    If you cross the ocean a time or two (weekly) and it is for more than just fun!
    If every time you go diving you only sing Jimmy songs to yourself in your head!
    If when you're driving in the car, and you ask your spouse what CD he wants to listen to, it doesn't even occur to either of you to pick something other than a Buffett disc.

    If when your 1 year old twins are having a meltdown in the car and they are soothed only by putting on a Jimmy Buffett CD.

    When you plan the family vacation around Jimmy's Labor Day weekend show at Great Woods.

    When you travel back to the East Coast to visit family not for Christmas or Thanksgiving, but for Labor Day Weekend so you can see Jimmy at Great Woods!
    If you are the only 8th grader you know that knows who/what a parrothead is! (it's true!!)
    You are in your late 20s or early 30s and have a fond memory of your Dad whistling Buffett tunes while shaving in the morning.....
    If you have a battery-operated blender just for tailgating.

    The children you don't even have yet are named Delaney and Cameron.

    You can't decide between "Lola," "Savannah," "Little Miss Magic," or "Gypsy" for the new puppy's name.

    You have a fish named Cap't Tony.

    You went to Department 56 and spent an ungodly amount of money to have a Jimmy Buffett Christmas tree.

    You sing "Happy Birthday" to Jimmy on Christmas Day and throw a party for all of your friends.

    When discussing the need for new carpet, you say that you want it to be sand colored.

    When you refer to the yet unnamed new puppy as the blond stranger.

    When you buy shark decorations for your aquarium just so you can sing "FINS" when you feed the fish.

    You have an inflatable flamingo and shark in your bathtub.

    If you read departure signs at airports and think of the places Jimmy has been.

    You write the complete lyrics to "The Great Fillin' Station Holdup" on the back of your physics final in college.

    If an associate says his friend came down from Cincinnati and you ask, "Did it take her three days on the train?" (This actually happened with a reader's daughter; she was the one who asked the question, resulting in some puzzled looks.
    )
    If you skip down the office halls just before escaping to St.
    Somewhere, you proudly announce that "if the phone doesn't ring, it's me!"
    If while soaking up the sun on a tropical beach, you sip a boat drink in one hand while the other scribbles out a postcard to co-workers that simply reads: "The weather is here, wish you were beautiful." No signature is required.

    If you DID use "Little Miss Magic" as the father-of-the-bride dance at her wedding five years ago and made those plans when she was 7 years old !
    If you have the following REAL tattoo's, a Left Fin with the statement "left finned", a Parrots Head with the saying "I'm growing older but not up" below it and the saying "I NEED TIME FOR TO PLAY!" above it, a multi colored Lizard with sunglasses and the statement "I Have A Caribbean Soul" above it then "And A Parrot Head" below it, an Island with Palm Tree Sunset Waves Etc.
    , Oh and finally the NEWEST of A Mexican Cutie that says above it "A Mexican Cutie" you just might be a PARROTHEAD !!!
    Your black chow's name is BUBBA...
    If, when remodeling the master bathroom with a Jacuzzi tub, it becomes so decorated with tropical birds, fish, and Buffett paraphernalia that it has to be called the "Parrot Head".

    When you figure its just easier to just marry any ol Parrothead gal thats available then try and explain to a virgin all the tricks of the trade and sensor your Parrothead spirit. Better yet, be single the rest of your life like me. (Im only 29).

    You have a dog named Savannah, a cat named Buffett and a grand daughter named Delaney Jane
    If you did use "Little Miss Magic" for the slow Father-Daughter dance and "Brown Eyed Girl" for the fast one!!!
    If you paint palm trees on the wall and bring a load of sand into your basement for your 30th birthday party
    On Christmas Day grandpa asks the kids "Who's birthday is today?" and your 7 year old says Jimmy Buffett!!! - true story
    You take your 11 and 12 year old to a JB concert but you won't let them sit with you!
    If you take your husband, teen-age son and 62 year old mother to a JB concert... them for the first time, you for the 7th...
    If you did marry a "Smart Woman in a Really Short Skirt.
    "
    If you don't find a parking lot full of 20,000 people wearing hula skirts, parrots, and fake butts strange at all!
    Your 3 year old says "Off to see da wizard" is her favorite Buffet tune. Not knowing anything about Dorothy and Oz.

    If you only chew Juicy Fruit gum and have a chain made from the gum wrappers that's 8 feet long and growing!!!
    You find out tickets are going on sale and immediately call the bus company to get a bus for the concert date, whether you get tickets or not.

    If you have the compass from the album cover "Changes in Latitudes" tatooed on your back!
    If your computer spell checker recognizes Parrothead, Margaritaville, Buffett and Capt'n Tony as properly spelled words.

    If you have read more than two of Carl Hiaasen's books and know Skip Wiley and Skink well enough to explain them to others.

    If you have lived the music from 29 to 59 on the sun, sea, and sand, the fun is in the music.

    If you are only 30, but can identify with being an "Over 40 Victim of Fate" and still haven't recovered from that 2 week drinking binge, but the leaks are fixed.

    If, when you die, your obit reads "He's off to see the lizard.
    " (True story)
    If your first honeymoon was spent at a Buffett Concert, eight years later you took your six year old daughter to her first Buffett concert (and your 8th), six year later you celebrate your divorce at a Buffett concert then six years after that you share your 10th Buffett concert with your second husband and your true soul mate! True story!
    If your corvette liscense plate reads PHINS!
    If in your Last Will and Testament, you specify "It's Been A Lovely Cruise" be played at your funeral.

    If you have full size tiki hut bar and palm tree in your family room.

    If you name your boat Summerland Key and spend $2,000 to have the interior cushions reapolstered in a parrott motif!
    If people look at you funny at stoplights because you and your 6 year old daughter are singing at the top of your lungs with your FINS UP!!!
    If you surf to this page and read every one of the &auot;You might be a parrothead" sayings.

    If your customers have learned that you are "not available" the week that Jimmy comes to town!
    If you named your boat, "Lost Shaker of Salt"! Parrotheads get it, others just gawk!!
    If you actually DID graduate (or drop out of) the University of Margaritaville.

    If you actually wrote in "Jimmy Buffett" on your 2000 ballot
    If you love JB even when none of your friends & family had even heard of ' him and spend all your time playing his music to convince them!
    If you plan next years concert parking lot party while your still enjoying this years.
    (true story)
    If you tell friends to meet you at the RV flying the Skull and Crossbones and realize you have to be more specific.

    When your 4 yeaar old refers to Jimmy Buffett as just "Jimmy" and asks for Buffett CD's for his birthday.

    If you have made a list of all the places Jimmy mentions in his songs with all the best intentions of visiting every one of them.

    If you name your dog "Buddy Bear" (from "God's Own Drunk") despite the fact that he has neither island-sized paws, a 27-acre body, nor a taste for spirits.

    If you download a Jimmy Buffett song ring tone for your cellular phone!
    If your fish is named Hoagy and your ex-girlfriend (who gave you the fish) can't stand Buffett.

    If you sit in the hot tub in Novemeber listing to Jimmy and get the urge to go back to the islands.

    If you keep having to explain the "rainbow colored" dancing parrots in the rear window of your car.

    If you refer to a visit from your inlaws as Gypsys in the palace.

    If you put your hand over your heart when you hear "Margaritaville" played.

    If you steal your own license plate (MARGVLE) just so you can hang it up above the cash register at Margaritaville in Key West!
    If your home page is Margaritaville. com
    If you play boat drinks whenever you drive through the blinding snow.

    If you go into labor at a Buffett concert then wait until it is over before telling anyone and going to the hospital. You know your doctor is a parrothead if he tells you he was there too!! (Yes, this is a true story.
    )
    If you've ever tried to cover your entirexxxxwith a single palmetto leaf.

    If, after staying at your parents' expensive home while they're on vacation, you leave a copy of "Gypsies in the Palace" in the CD player for them.

    ----

    Got a couple x-tra tix for tomorrow's show in Frisco, TX. Wanna go? email me through the board. Adios
     
  2. Ziggy

    Ziggy QUEEN ANON

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    So Parrothead=Texas Tech alumni/student?
     
  3. SirCharlesFan

    SirCharlesFan Contributing Member

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    yay old white people!!!!
     
  4. Sooner423

    Sooner423 Contributing Member

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    What is with this obsession people have with Jimmy Buffett?
     
  5. RocketsBearFan

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    It seems to me that parrottheads are lower income white people who like the idea of partying in the tropics but can't actually afford to go there. So they get all dressed up in hawaiian shirts, get drunk, and live vicariously through Jimmy Buffett's music.
     
  6. CrazyDave

    CrazyDave Contributing Member

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    Somewhat true, perhaps, but some of them are just fans of questionable music. Someone's gotta do it.
     
  7. Jugdish

    Jugdish Member

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    ...if you're an idiot who hates music.
     
  8. Dr of Dunk

    Dr of Dunk Clutch Crew

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    ... I read this as Jimmy Buffett's tour hits Pizza Hut Park tonight and a lotta old bum lookin' people in Hawaiian shirts are wandering around North Dallas. Hmm... this must explain it.
     

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