Would you continue a relationship with your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend after broke up?

ELAINE: You're not still thinking about that are you?

JERRY: Nooo.

ELAINE: Oh good.

JERRY: Give me another shot!

ELAINE: What?

JERRY: Another shot, I want another shot.

ELAINE: You mean...?

JERRY: Yes!

ELAINE: Oooh no, I don't think so.

JERRY: Come on! One shot, I can do it, I know I can do it!

ELAINE: Jerry, we're friends! We can't do that, it would ruin our friendship.

JERRY: Oh friendship... friendship, shmanship .

ELAINE: Jerry no, that's important to me.

JERRY: We won't ruin the friendship.

ELAINE: Yes we will!

JERRY: Elaine...

ELAINE: No Jerry, it is out of the question. You know what sex does to a friendship, it kills it.

JERRY: A half hour, give me a half our.

ELAINE: No!

JERRY: Okay, fifteen minutes. I guarantee you fifteen minutes, I can make it happen


**************************************************
ELAINE: All right, let's go, I give you half an hour.

JERRY: What?

ELAINE: Come on!

JERRY: Are you serious?

ELAINE: Look, Jerry, we have to have sex to save the friendship.

JERRY: Sex... to save the friendship. Well, if we have to...

 

I consider remaining friends a bad idea and have never tried it myself. I'm not even sure what the motivation behind staying friends is; if you like the person, don't break up; if you don't like the person, don't be friends. Considering the inevitable baggage, I don't see why anyone would bother. But apparently, the motivation is strong. Does it assuage guilt? Does it lessen the trauma of an event that is essentially a life-rending divorce? I really don't get why people want to do this.

 

Every situation, relationship and individual is different, so it's hard to draw up hard & fast rules for this, but experience leads me to agree with PhiSlammaJamma 100%.

 

I've tried twice to be friends with my ex, and it didn't work. The first time we had been apart three months and tried to be friends, but to no avail. The second time was nine months later and we met and talked, when I asked her for a hug when we left she promptly said no and took off in her car. When I tried to get in touch with her she never replied.

Now in the last two months she has been calling me non-stop, I finally talked to her last night and she wanted to know if I got that big job I've been waiting for (and I have) but I asked her why she cared if I had the job or not, which she replied that she was just curious. She wanted to know if I had a girlfriend (which I do), and she was like oh thats good, and then mentioned she is living with her new boyfriend. I asked her if she was happy, and she replied that she just wants all these bad things to stop happening. I mean whats that about? Mentioned that a lot of bad things were happening to her and wanted to know if I had anything to do with it (supernatural type things, I bull**** you not) because it is her belief that I hate her. I told her that I don't hate her, truthfully I miss her alot (didn't tell her that), but I asked her if she knew what karma was. It felt weird to hear her say she is living with someone else, but it didn't hurt like I thought it might. Now I'm just glad I have a great job, a great girlfriend, and right now life is good.

In summing all that up, CRC if you think you can handle being friends, then go for it, hopefully you won't have a lot of drama like I had when I tried.

 

yeah...but she nodded in some agreeing fashion!!! and ultimately she agreed to marry me...still trying to figure that one out! I think it's that she's actually blind and for some reason her blurry vision makes me look a little like Brad Pitt. That's really the only logical explanation for it!

 

i felt the same way...i ultimately followed the girl to Baylor instead of going to UT with a close friend! but i met the friend who ultimately became the wife at Baylor. some might chalk that up to chance or good fortune...not me.

 

Until you find someone new, you will struggle with this for quite a while.

And when you find someone else, if you still can't talk to your ex without feeling uncomfortable, then that new person ain't "the one".

 

So my understanding is this: you've broken up with her but you want to re-ignite the relationship -- just not yet. You want to wait awhile because you don't think you can handle the relationship right now. Do I have that right?

It would seem to me, that if you were to delay the relationship and not maintain even a friendship in the meantime, you are unlikely to ever re-enter a romantic relationship with her. Her life will lead her one way, yours another. And, in the absence of her, you'll probably learn to live quite happily without her and after awhile not even consider a relationship with her specifically any more desireable than a relationship with some other girl. I think that's good in that you move on with your life -- and she with hers -- and find happiness elsewhere.

It also means that if you don't want to let go, you probably need to either restart the romantic relationship or remain in friendship-limbo (which is different from friends since it is friends-with-an-eye-toward-reunion). I'd advise against friendship-limbo. By accounts related here, you can see it can be painful. What's more, you limit your options and hers, progressing neither in your relationship with one another nor in other relationships outside the friendship, so you can play this dating-but-not-dating tango. I don't know what the conditions are of the breakup (do I have another thread to read?) or possible reconciliation (you mentioned another boyfriend), but I'd advise going hard one direction or the other. Just being friends seems to me to be a fruitless indecisiveness.

 

Yup. I think moving down there will help tremendously, though.

 

that's right! there are few things that good conversation, coney dogs and easy access to astros baseball can't cure!

 

Not to mention Texans, Rockets, Frenchy's, and Treasures.