Would It Bother You If Your Wife Kept Her Last Name?

Upon initial reaction, I would be offended.

But that's the thing about waiting for the right one. I know if I were in love, it wouldn't be a dealbreaker, and I would hope if I'm choosing the right woman it wouldn't matter to her, either. Loving someone is all about being able to sacrifice for the other, anyway.

 

So what would you do, toss a coin? What if the coin always ends up heads for the rest of your lives?

The whole making sacrifice for each other is contradictory anyway.

 

What are we . . .without our culture. . our traditions?

You can only remove so much from the meaning of something . . .
before it is meaningless.

You look at a Traditional Marriage - it was about
connecting two individuals into one unit
Shared names, dwelling, finances, lives
now . . .. not so much
Different names
Different bank accounts

Would it offend if you wife decided to keep her own apartment?
Would it offend if she decided to do separate vacations?
Why would that offend?
Would it offend if she decided she wanted sex outside of the marriage?
[Open Marriages are no big whoop]

The question is simple. . .Where are YOUR DEALBREAKERS?
While someone here's deal break is the name. . because they would rather fight in the yard rather than wait until the person is in the house. . . . it doesn't make it any less important than yours.

Rocket River

 

I've mentioned it here before, but when my mom had a brain aneurysm my dad, who has been married to this woman for 41 years, stayed at her bedside the entire month she was in ICU. Slept on that weird plastic couch/bed next to hers every night. And at 6'3, it wasn't the easiest thing to sleep on.

I call that sacrifice, and I'm holding out for a woman that I would be able to do that for.

 

My wife kept her name and it does not bother me a bit. It all goes back to when women were chattel of their husband and those days should be over. If people are really freaked out by this then they must be insecure.

 

Well I know when I got "married" I certainly thought she'd want my name. Not really because I thought that was supposed to be how its done, but more like her last name kind of ****ing sucked and I don't know why anybody would want it.

But things changed, you know how **** goes. I mean... Even if you really love someone, you still deep down kind of want to bang her sister. You might not think about it that often, but you know, maybe every couple of months, once in a blue moon. Maybe even fire off a couple yogurt missiles while you're doing it.


What the hell am I talking about again?

 

It would bother me. If kids were in play present or future, why would she want a different last name than her child/ren?

I wouldn't be offended if she wanted to keep her name. Personally it just adds to the connection in a way to share a name.

It's not the end all if she chose to keep her name, it wouldn't define our love one way or the other. Just my preference.

 

me and the wife have some jacked up last names. so if the topic to change our last name came up, i shall be named, POWERS. MAX POWERS.

 

I think it would make life a hell of a lot easier, and it would be nice, but honestly if she didn't want to I wouldn't force her.

I'd prob suggest hyphenating, but if no, then that would be fine w/ me.

 

What if you did before you met your wife and she still took you anyways? Boys will be boys.

 

It undercuts one of the original and more practical purposes of marriage, which was to track paternity of children. But it also alludes to a time when women were property, or at least so marginalized that they couldn't really provide for themselves economically. That a wife would be allowed to keep her last name without a great deal of grief could be interpreted as a sign of social progress. Personally, I'd have no problem with it as long as she kept the ring on and her maiden name wasn't Smith or Johnson.

 

I got married last summer.

I prefered that my wife took my last name (and she did). However in her work she uses her maiden name (she has published some papers in that name so it is easier to use that name).

I know it is illogical I just like it that my wife took my name. I'm just happy that she did take my name. If she really didn't want to take my name i would have been ok with it.

 

I've been married for about four months now, and here's the way I feel about it:

The only reason people do this is tradition. With more women's rights and women trying to advance themselves in the world, I can see that more would chose not to do so, and that's fine with me.

In my situation, though, my wife hated her last name. There was not a good association with it (for her, at least). One of my proudest moments in life (for myself, not necessarily for her), has been being able to give her my last name. It's something that I feel brings us closer together, even after almost seven years of being together. Maybe some think that's a chauvinistic way of thinking, and maybe it actually is. I'm not sure. For me, though, I'm proud to be able to share my last name with the most amazing woman I've ever met.

And that's the best way I can put that into words.

So, I voted yes, because in my situation, it would have bothered me a little bit. But I can see why women would choose not to, also.

 

Im the same way, hated it growing up but realize I was the only one who could continue my last name on my side of the family.

 

Yes seriously. I don't condemn others for not agreeing with me. To each his (or hers) own. Just curious though.... when kids are born does it matter to you who's last name they use? Yours or hers? If it does not matter then fine and I would not think negatively of any person that has different views than me. I'm not saying my views are wright or wrong but just my views. Perhaps you are more closed minded than me and not able to except others views. That's ok, I will not judge you negatively.

 

I told my wife to keep hers. She didn't because other people would call her by my name anyway or something like that. So she changed it.

It is all so stupid. And meaningless. And small. Hold on to your legacy...haha.

Were you guys also upset that you didn't get four cows and a family quilt along with your wives? I am still raging over that one.

 

not about advancing US but advancing HER
interesting. . . .

Rocket River

 

I think it's somewhat important if you're planning on having kids and a family. As a Christian, if you get married, you become a unity (even though you still have two identities). If you are uniting with another person and plan on having a family, it shouldn't be a problem to take the other person's name.

I'm guessing traditionally the woman takes the man's name because man was supposed to be the leader of the family. Of course that is a very traditional way of thinking, and you could argue that in modern day it shouldn't be a problem for the man to take the woman's name as long as they have a family name.

I'm getting married in a little over a year, and it's always been assumed that she'll take my name. If I married someone who didn't want to take my name, I'd certainly question it, but it's not something I couldn't get over.

 

I think I was married for almost 2 years before I legally changed my name. I'm so lazy :grin:

 

In general, I don't have a problem with a woman not taking her husband's name. But, when I got married, and given the context of what was going on in my relationship with my wife and the philosophy she espoused, I felt pretty strongly she should take it. And she did. If I get married again -- which I won't -- who knows? It'd depend on the context.