Would It Bother You If Your Wife Kept Her Last Name?

My wife took my name. It makes it feel more like a family. The first time I heard of guy sharing his wife's last name by hyphenating it with his was 12 years ago. It was a coworker and everyone thought he was the biggest p***y whipped weirdo. Nobody thought he was being progressive. But instead he had lost all masculinity. Like how people look at stay at home dads. It just one of those norms of society that frowns upon role reversals.

 

If she keeps her last name she doesn't love you.

 

what if you were jewish and your wife was german? would it bother you if she didnt want to take your last name based on the fact that it's a jewish name?

 

Would have been perhaps, but these days I do not think much of marriage as a concept I'm down with.

 

My wife and I have been together for 20 years. We didn't marry until about half-way through that experience. We talked about it. She chose to take my last name. She also kept her own middle name and dropped her maiden name completely. (She never knew her father as he died when she was two. Thus, her maiden name was somewhat meaningless.)

I have a couple of female friends who didn't get married until their mid-upper 30s. Neither of them took their husband's name. At that point, identity is thoroughly established.

Totally up to the woman, in my opinion...

 

My wife's name is Hoosier, so she decided to keep her maiden name. The thought of being referred to as Hoosier Bigdaddy did not appeal to her.

 

from an esthetic standpoint, it occasionally rankles that my wife doesn't have the same last name as our kids, but from an emotional/political/practical standpoint, can't say i really care.

but for the women among us who feel like they're making a statement, I don't want to hear about how you're fighting the evil patriarchy by keeping your father's last name.

 

lolz.


+1 for basso.

 

If my wife wants to keep her last name, I want a prenup. Don't want to take my name, but willing to take my money. Not happening.

 

Sigh. Maybe you should aim to marry a woman instead of a girl. Growing up a little yourself wouldn't hurt.

 

I completely disagree with that part about stay at home dads. It takes a man to have an active role in your children's lives. If your family dynamic allows one parent to work and one to stay at home, it doesn't really matter if it's the mother or father. I see so many more stay at home dads these days, or at least dad's who shoulder their share of parenting. My wife works five nights a week and I have to take care of the kids by myself. I'm damn proud that I spend so much time with my children.

I think society frowns on absentee fathers these days. Probably more fair to say absentee parents, because what's good for the gander is good for the goose.

 

In reality there really is nothing wrong either way. But I must admit to having the same views as the OP on this. I do believe that a marriage is about a union not individuality. To me having the same last name just makes it seem real. And no I would not take the womans last name. Just my stupid ego probably but in your case I would have agreed for her to use her last name for business purposes but once she was off the clock.... well you get the rest. Just my veiws.

 

I had wanted my wife to take mine but she had never considered it. It's not done in China so it never crossed her mind. She had green card status when we married so she had planned to do it when she got her citizenship. Well, that came and went and it never really gets brought up except in jest. Doesn't bother me now.
My son has her last name as his middle and my last name.

 

Doesn't matter to me.

My last name means nothing to me. I don't know who the hell the people were that had this name in the first place. I'm not kin to them. This name was either stuck on my family or picked randomly out of the air. Either way, it tells nothing of who we are or where we come from.

So if my wife didn't want to carry it, fine. Truth is, I don't wanna carry it either.

 

So. based on various threads . . .
1. She keeps her last name [no Mixing of names]
2. She keeps a separate bank account [Minimal mixing of money]

The reason is symbolic and traditional.

For all of those who say they have not problem with it . . .
QUESTION: Would it bother her if you did not get her a ring???
If so . . why?

I mean it is a symbolic and traditional and nothing more.
Kind of like the symbol of taking his last name!!
Why is one symbolic gesture carry more weight than the other?

Rocket River

 

Very good points.

 

You do realize these are WORLDS APART.
It is one thing to help out around the house.
IT is quite another in most folx's eyes. . .
to be a guy that doesn't work and just takes care of the house.

I think he was talking about the latter.

Rocket River

 

lol seriously?

 

WOW! That is a bit funny.
She walks into a marriage and wants something outside of tradition
and she is a trendsetter. . . he does and he is not a 'grownup'

Interesting

Rocket River

 

Tradition can be changed, especially one that's not shared by half the world.

Don't get too emotional when it does.