[work advice] Facing bullying, should I stay at my current job?

I don't know about you but I wouldn't puss out. If he cracks a joke like that I'd give him a piece of my mind and humiliate him publicly.

"Hey... That's not funny. That's racist. Calling me x and x just because y is nothing but racist and disrespectful to my culture. You humiliated my friend when he came here for an interview. That was incredibly racist. I've been tolerating your jokes the past few months but the jokes you're telling have become inappropriate for a work environment."

You have moral high ground on this. There's no need to be scared. Heck, if I were in your position, I wouldn't even give a damn what he thought. You're there to do your job and to make money - that's it. You don't have to be his friend. If he's being a ****, I wouldn't give him my time of day. Believe me, 19-25 is like second puberty where everybody doesn't know how to behave in a work environment yet. Everybody above the age of 25 hates 25 yos and younger.

But, anyway, it seems like he's stopped so it sounds like it's just about you getting over your developed phobia. You just have to realize he's a trivial, insignificant detail of your life.

 

You remind me of this little Vietnamese kid that was assigned to be my flatmate at the apartment complex near the UH campus. We got along fine in the beginning, but then his insecurities started taking over. Somehow he couldn't deal with the fact that I got chicks and he didn't.

I feel sorry for you, but the solution lies only within yourself. What's plaguing you are your own insecurities, not that guy. The same thing could happen to you again elsewhere if you don't grow some balls. The whole thing about retreating to your car to eat just makes you look like a total weirdo to everyone else in the company, not only to that guy. Don't be such a beta. I also don't really think that guy is racist. Some of my best friends make jokes like that with me and I just dish it back at them and all is good.

You need to get laid and you need to chillax. Your analysis of the situation is obviously written in a way that shows that you are intelligent and somewhat self-aware. So stop being a wuss and relax. I know it's more easily said than done. Perhaps you should just get drunk with your colleagues once in a while.

Anyway, good luck.

The three guys below got it right.

 

It's a matter of perspective. I am not saying that that what he is doing is ok but compare your ordeal with the other Asians not living in the U.S. Imagine their work conditions and the amount of money they are getting paid. Just think of that during the times you are being bullied and everything will be fine.

 

W22_STREAK, you're being given some pretty bad advice and suggestions from most.

First off, regardless, you should not be the punching bag. Ive worked in some pretty piss poor environments and I completely understand the small company mentality. Some thrive on this and some die in it. In your case, you are dying from it.

That said, you need to develop an exit plan. I am sure the thought of looking for new work might not be the best for you, however you will never get what you need from this company. They have deemed you the tail of the group and you have accepted it. You have nothing to prove to these guys. Move on. No ifs, ands or buts. Find a new job and get out.

Before you do that, you really should address your insecurities or you will carry them on with you. How you do this is up to you to figure out; Consult with a wise friend, go see a shrink, find a church. Whatever these insecurities are, you need to deal with them.

 

Going to hr would probably help since he isn't his manager. If he was, I would advise against it bc all it would do make the situation worse. HR sucks. They would call your boss two seconds after filing a complaint.

As far the OP goes, I believe that he's at fault some too. So sensitive and so worried about some douche that's not his real boss.


You leaving to another job isn't gonna help. Change you. This will follow you around. Man up FFS.

I remember joking with an Asian co worker (she's fobby).. Nothing about race. Just some teasing in good fun. She freaked out once and asked why I always pick on her. Keep in mind that I was 110 % joking. I stopped with her after that day and realized the language and culture differences made me come off in a way that I did not intend. It was really strange actually.

 

Pee on him. Teach him that you're the alpha.

 

Seems like you suffer from social anxiety?

Go visit an psychologist or your doctor for some pills to take the edge off brah.

 

You don't work for Martin Marietta do you? Buddy of mine did your exact job (testing quarry aggregates for use on TXDOT projects) at a facility around San Antonio. He quit after less than a year because of the work conditions and fraudulent practices. He was basically told by a couple of coworkers that it's a company-wide problem.

I have no advice on your bullying problem.

 

Fire back at him. Embarrass him in front of everyone. Chances are he's not gonna hurt you, and if he does he'll get fired.

 

Only way id quit the job is if i didnt like it to begin with and had douche bags like this to add to it. If you like the work then you need to change yourself, STAND UP for yourself.

Whats weird is i sort of feel the same as everyone else, that you are overly sensitive and cannot distinguish between humor and racism, hope thats not the case.
Either way now you know what you have to do.

 

This is high quality advice from Brightside.

Remember also that the reason people pick on others is due to their own insecurities. So you can rationalize things that way. If you're letting others dictate your own happiness, then you've let them win.

 

Report him and your supervisor.

If that doesn't work and he starts bullying you again, take a dump on his laptop keyboard and close it shut. Later you'll tell him you just opened a deli in your butt and he'll be getting a complimentary **** sandwich every day until he pipes down. Or come up with something else cool like that.

 

What's with all the victim blaming? Saying this is all his fault and he needs to "man up" and "roll with the punches?" There shouldn't be any punches to have to roll with.

OP, there is nothing wrong with being sensitive and conscientious. And it sucks that you have to deal with this but know it's not a flaw on your part but on that insecure jackass.

How to deal with your anxiety: Hit the gym. It'll get those endorphins flowing to offset the depression and it'll get you feeling better about yourself in the long run.

You might want to see a doctor about the insomnia also. I used to be a really bad insomniac. Operating on a few hours of sleep makes the entire day crappy. Now that I'm on a regular cycle, I approach every day a lot better.

And, yes, you have to get out of that toxic environment. Your loyalty is commendable but you have to worry about you. You have to realize that you are of as much value as anyone else.

 

fight back... bullies love it when their victim is weak.. are you afraid of him?.. if you are, then quit and assess yourself. he's not worth your stress! be mentally strong.. you're not in college anymore and this is a big man's world. everyone wants to get in your head everytime..

last time someone bullied me at work, i have this 'stop it or i will kill you' stare the rest of the week.. i stared at him wherever he goes for no reason at all.. lol

 

Somebody handles offer and termination letters, payroll, archives performance reviews, administers benefits and collects the badges. They probably also handle promotions and layoffs, based on the implied social dynamics OP will be the odd man out in both of those scenarios. Heck, the bully might already be dinging OP's work behind his back, and the taunting may just be some subconscious, or conscious and deliberate, positioning strategy.

Perhaps the only saving grace is having an engineering degree, which makes him highly valuable to headhunters for local, out-of-state and overseas assignments. In fact, this is the perfect cover story for a third-party recruiter to sell a short stint.

 

You may want to lay off that if you have female coworkers or melanin of any kind. Combined with poor sitting posture at your desk or a reluctance to laugh at racial jokes during staff meetings or in department-wide emails, your attitude and demeanor may indicate to others that you are not happy to be there.

 

You're mentally weak if you let it bother you that much. I've been through worse and I just let it all slide off my shoulders.

One thing you'll learn sooner or later in life is that not everyone will like you and there's no point in trying to make everyone like you. Grow a thick skin and roll with it or play dumb so the jokes backfire.

If you don't grow up now, you'll face the same problems with every job you have.

 

The guy stopped 5 months ago....

 

I mostly agree with those saying grow a thicker skin...., maybe find another job in the future

BTW I really hate bullies in their 20s and 30s. That highschool mindset never left.

 

1st... What type of company allows this to happen? I'm all about jokes, but that's just silly for a grown man to act like this.

2nd. It's been 5 months, get over it. But it sounds like you cant.

I'd recommend going back to school and getting your Bachelors in Engineering. That way most of your colleagues are more professional than the ones you have now. Although plant workers can be turds.

Too bad it's so easy to get an assault charge now. If it wouldn't ruin your resume, I'd just recommend beating the holy hell out of him. BUT, he seems like the type that will tell on you to the supervisor because they are so tight.