Well I'm not holding any grudge against women in general I love them believe me thats why I date as many as them as possible (you know what I'm saying ) . I never been married, came close once when I was actually in love, DAMN i miss that feeling. But after that relationship that i was hurt everything went downhill. I didnt let myself get emotionally attached with another women unless i had that feeling in which it didnt happen. What i believe is that my parents divorce affected me @ that young age due to infidelity made me see things differently about marriage, add my friends divorces and i start to see a trend that maybe marriages these days arent hold as sacred or serious as it was 20 or even 30 years ago.
I understand that you have had a rough go, but the notion you are voicing is somewhat offensive. The fact is that child support is not alimony. The concept of child support is to: 1) make certain that men do not leave all of the financial burden for children on the women, and 2) to give the child as close as can be to the economic benefit of having two parents. My partner is a divorce attorney. I could retire if I had a nickel for every time I have heard a man ask why he "should have to pay that b**** a dime." My reaction is: "I suppose you would prefer not to and leave all of the expenses for raising your children to your ex." Fact...men in this country have a history of not supporting financially the children from past relationships. Fact...many mothers have been left in financial ruin because of this and children have suffered when they had a dad with the wherewithal to support but just did not want to. This has left us with the need to have the state mandate that support be paid. It isn't alimony...not even close. It is an obligation to support your offspring.
There is a difference in supporting your children and supplementing your ex's standard of living. There is no way that what I pay every month is half of what it costs to raise my kids. A lot of people do not make that much money supporting themselves. I have zero problem with supporting my kids. I love taking care of them but I routinely spend even more money on them because my dumbass ex doesn't spend money wisely. It is very frustrating and it really pisses you off. If I miss a payment, it means my ass but if she doesn't budget or spend my child support on what it really needs to be spent on, there are no consequences. It is often not fair for the men that do the right thing.
I agree with MB. FACT: My ex-wife remarried the day of my divorce. FACT: My ex, even after nearly 7 years of divorce, rarely lets me see my son. FACT: What the hell do you mean by "partner?"
I'm not sure if Refman is gay or its his legal partner....but I don't know why either case would require a "what the hell do you mean". What is this the rampant homophobia board?
I am an attorney. I own half the firm. My business partner does divorce, child custody and child support. Not real sure how this is possible since Texas has a 30 day requirement for remarriage. In any event, it is irrelevant to child support. You have to support your children regardless of whether or not your ex gets remarried. If she is in violation of the child visitation order, see an attorney and enforce the order. If she is in contempt, the judge can sanction her or put her in jail for up to 6 months. I understan your frustration, and there is no real good answer to it. I can tell you that the law is what it is because you are in the overwhelming minority of cases. My law partner routinely sees women whose exes simply will not financially support the kids. I routinely file bankruptcy for women who, if their exes paid ANY child support would not be in this position. It is really sad and gives you a whole new perspective on it. I can say that there needs to be some father friendly changes to the law, but deadbeat dads are a rampant problem even today. As a result, we have the system in place that we have today.
As a clarifying statement. I am not gay. My partner is my law partner. My girlfriend can testify to the fact that I am not gay...not that there's anything wrong with being gay. I just happen to be blissfully heterosexual.
Men Don't Want to Get Married, BECAUSE: A) FINANCIAL LOSS. Men are reading the fine print more. There's way too much financial loss to a man should a marriage not work out. And no, its not always mostly a man's fault that a marriage comes to an end. B) NOT ENOUGH GOOD WIFE MATERIAL. Women have changed far away from how it was in the "old days". When looking for a wife, men still like women who are good in the domestic setting, such as doing cooking. There are too many of the "get it yourself" type women now to take marriage as seriously as before. C) Something about the security of guaranteed money if a break-up were to occur that makes women a little less likely to...be as active as they used to be. It happens to the best of them...but some men might not find the more demanding, nagging, chronically unhappy woman as desirable. D) LIFE EXPECTANCY. People live longer now, so the end point where the wild oats should be sewed comes way later. People who take every relationship to its extreme - finding soulmates, dreaming of the perfect wedding day, american dream of 2.3 kids, car and house - might do that way early in life. Then regret later that they missed out on too much. Or flat out marry too young. E) OUTDATED LAWS/CULTURE. Marriage laws havent updated with the times. Women have developed into decent independent wage earners and (be honest, fellas), dont need all the huge percentage of alimony and child support to get by on compared to women the beginning of the century. Yet the courts still consider them to be how they were in the 1920's. That gives women options, which they do use (take out the hate and spite and evil). Women can get most of the same things men can get now, and still get the same special considerations females have always received. Women can get theirs, AND get YOURS. I can go on and on...just simply - There is NO real benefit to a guy to marry. There's slight little fringe benefits, but a man can get the sames things out their lives without needing a woman by his side. He can get the same things out of a woman without marriage and her getting your last name. But marriage is a BIIIIIIIG deal to women. They can't get by themselves (or simply don't want to). And they know they're covered once they get married, of COURSE they're wanting to seek that. Marriage is an institution 85-90% based on aiding women and children, 10-15% a guy if even that. A man has to absolutely positively make sure he's in absolute love with a woman, and be trustful and make sure he's at a point where he's ready for commitment, his finances are secure, etc.. A woman DOES NOT have to do ANY of that. NONE. She doesnt have to really love you...((SEE: Paul McCartney-Heather Mills. Pro athletes-their wives or baby mommas)) </rant>
You've got to be kidding me. As much as you and I don't converse with each other, I honestly could care less. Here's a stick ogf advice: Best to leave a sleeping dog alone. BTW, we need a Clutchcity get-together for game 5!
If you want a cook, hire a cook. Same with a maid. Marriage is something different entirely. I can understand why someone of either gender wouldn't want to get married. I'm scared of it now, since I tried it, it wasn't very good, and I just couldn't tolerate it. Most of us, in real life, aren't going to get what we always dreamed of. So, when we do find someone who is compatible and wants to be with us, do we settle down, or not? If we do, we might wonder later why we did, when it just gets worse and there's no good escape from it. If we don't, we could end up alone forever and never have the family we meant to have because we were too scared to get on with our lives. I'm old fashioned and believe that you need marriage to have the complete relationship, and the family. It just sounds so... final, though. You can feel trapped and really, really miserable, knowing that you are young and that your life will be limited. Especially if it's someone who doesn't care how you feel or is a lousy partner. I know it's supposed to be a lifetime commitment. I already broke the rules once so I could get a second chance. I hope I don't end up having to do that ever again.
Then for God's sake wait! I went through a bad marriage, but I also learned my lesson. You haven't seemed to. Be patient. Wait for the person that hits you at all levels, physically and emotionally. It may take awhile, but it will be worth it. Quit being a clinger, Izzy. I truly hope you're better than that.
Fatty speak the truth about chicks in this thread....chicks in general at least.....he's tossing out pearls of wisdom so all u fellas better be catching em
Am I the only one that keeps seeing this thread and think that it says "White Men Don't Want To Get Married". Every time I see it, I fear that my parents or one of my exes is posting on the board.
the primary problem is REVENGE because they cannot get the 'deadbeats' they simply take it out on those that do pay I cannot even call the Attorney General's office because . . talking them too much means i might have to go there and strangle them. They are rude, insensative evil b$#3@es I have nothing but hatred for the whole office.. . not one drop of human blood in the lot of them . . . so they come to suck mine. Am I a payment behind no Do I see my son as much as possible. . . yes do they know anything about me that says deadbeat? . .not one Do they still treat me like crap? OH YEA AND THEY THOROUGHLY ENJOY IT TOO Do they try to screw you at every possible turn? OH YEA If the shoe was on the other foot .. if i were a woman would they do this. . . OHOOOOOOOOHHHHHH H******LLLLLLL NNNNNAAAAWWWW!!!!!! Rocket River
This is totally unfair of me to Isabel, so please don't take it personally. But I think it illustrates what is really wrong with marriage right now. Women want traditional husbands that bring home the bacon, they want to be mothers and have a family, AND they want to be independent and have careers. Being a wife and supporting your husband and household are distant priorities. It gives women more options, which I am for, but I'm not convinced it's the best thing for us men. Women want to have the babies, they want the job, and they want traditional husbands to keep them in the lifestyle they are accustomed to. Most aren't interested in being a homemaker. "If you want that, hire it..." Well, crap. If we are expected to earn most the money by having the primary career, and still help raise the children because a woman wants a career, weren't we better off as men when women just stayed at home? We're getting less out of marriage than our fathers, and we're risking more with the ease at which a divorce can rip all our work out from under us. I'm not saying it's all their fault, but you can't be surprised that so many marriages fail. Unless you are independently wealthy, your life is a constant power struggle of trying to manage the roles of husband and wife while juggling the house, the kids, two careers, and all the bills that follow. I'm beginning to believe the advice I was once given by a man in his fifties: the perfect wife is smart, beautiful, charming, industrious, and without ambition.
What a trip. I'm not surprised that my post was ignored. There are some unhappy guys here who just want to vent about their lack of success with relationships, a lack of success that may not be their fault, but colors how they see long-term relationships with the opposite sex, married or not. I had no intention of getting married when I was young, and didn't until I was around 30, but I had several long-term relationships prior to that, as well as running amok as a single guy back when having sex was part of the lifestyle, the girls were all on the Pill, and the worst thing you could catch from unprotected sex was cured with a shot. (thank goodness, I never needed one!) I think some of the comments here are rooted more in a sexist attitude, and disappointment in previous relationships with women. Put aside the bitterness and enjoy life, guys. It doesn't last forever.
