Capitalism, freedom of choice, the belief that everyone can prosper and have everything they want with no accountability, the belief that we are in a "new age" of enlightenment and that everything before is cheesy old people stuff, ALL THAT takes away from marriage and family. Every guy being James Bond for life having their share of Bond ladies is an unsustainable concept. If you give even half a darn about kids living a good life without complication, on just that alone marriage makes sense to complement that. Havent even gotten to the emotional aspects. Love and hope are the only elements that separate people from everything else. If we lose that, we're just like pigs in a trough. So the benefit if marriage is...it seems the human thing to do. With or without the legal definition.
I'm pretty sure my girl and I will get married in the next few years. It would be sooner but she wants an expensive wedding and her parents don't have much money to pay for it so guess who will be footing the bill? Yep, I'm really excited about spending tens of thousands of dollars of my money on a party for other people (most of whom I don't know or don't like) when I think it should be a private moment between the two people getting married. Marriage has little value to me directly beyond the luxury of no longer having to call her my girlfriend and then explaining to people why she isn't my wife. The real value is that it is something she wants so it makes me happy to give it to her. That's enough for me to do it. She already has two kids and I sure as **** don't want any of my own so we are good there. Financially speaking, I'm not stoked either because my taxes are already complicated enough without bringing in her income/deductions. We keep our money separate (and will continue to do so due to her bad spending habits) so we will have to figure out how much we would have paid (in my case) or been refunded (in her case) had we filed separately and then divide the money accordingly. Personally, I feel marriage is completely outdated and worthless beyond the emotional security it gives most women but it's a small price to pay to make her happy. That, and it helps me fit in better which is a nice benefit because the more I fit in the less I have to actually interact with other people.
I've been reading some of these responsive and I don't get it. Some of you are saying you got married, or getting married because your girlfriend wants it. You people aren't saying because you men want it. YOu should get married if both of you are happy and want it. Whats the point of getting married if your not sure you want to and be stuck in a marriage only because "my girlfriend wanted to" IMO, I think thats why marriages end alot because people rush into things. There are no good enough reasons for me to get married.
The only good reason for any marriage would be to form collaboration between the families business-wise. Otherwise **** it.
Men are genetically predisposed to spread the seed. Women are genetically predisposed to provide for their young. It's no big reach to understand why men don't feel the same need to formalize the relationship as women do. But, we have reached a level in civilization where men can overcome the primal need in an attempt to reach a more harmonious existence. Monogamy, while it limits the options for producing progeny, also reduces the stress of procuring and keeping a mate and goes a long way in allaying doubt about the authenticity of your children. It's a more civilized way to live.
Agree, coming from a non-married guy. It should play out that way. Sometimes the issue is when the undecided person is in a mostly pro-marriage "traditional" environment. Everyone around them is asking "when are you getting married/you're not married yet?". They're NOT saying if you dont get married you suck, but they're not presenting the non-marriage approach either, cuz they simply don't know any other way. Then their peers are telling them DONT do it and ranting on about their horror stories. Agree in that the bodies of influence should be more fair and respectful about the options. Seemingly so simple I think its the guy has to be honest with himself, and he has to be SURE he finds a woman honest with herself too. "Love" and "sparks" is certainly nice. But if ultimately he just wants someone around the house to pick up his stuff, and she just wants someone to bail her out of her bad debt and credit rating, there's honest mutually there so why not make it work jointly?
The public declaration of love was important to us. There are also legal benefits, but I completely understand why people don't marry. It has been nothing but good for me.
Marriage is the foundation for raising a family and the breakdown of the American family is one of the biggest reasons society as a whole is going downhill IMO. I found this article on the benefits of marriage: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1272/is_2644_127/ai_53630958/ "It does matter, because marriage typically provides important and substantial benefits, to individuals as well as society. Marriage improves the health and longevity of men and women; gives them access to a more active and satisfying sex life; increases wealth and assets; boosts children's chances for success; and enhances men's performance at work and their earnings"
Playing devils advocate: 1) Marriage doesn't mean that the man is the father of his wife's children..I'm sure we can all think of examples where that isn't the case 2) We have DNA tests that can determine paternity with a greater degree of accuracy than any ceremony can
When you have sex your body makes a promise to the other person even when you don't. In the context of marriage, you've made that promise. Outside of marriage you lied. I realize that sounds a bit harsh. Many will argue that the one night stand was understood by both parties to be only that. But when you are having sex with someone you refuse to stand by for life, you are saying that either she isn't worth it, you aren't worth it or both. No matter how pathetic she may seem she has an intrinsic value as a human being (and so do you) that does not deserve to be belittled in that way. It seems contrary to maintain that you love your significant other just don't want to get married. Is it because you love her but you're alright if someone else comes along for her or for you? Or you love her but not enough to share property? Not enough to put a ring on her finger to discourage other guys? Not enough to want to simplify her legal and social standing? While you might be progressive enough not to think any more or less of a woman living with someone she isn't married to, that is not a universal position and many men are more likely to think of her as easy. Even if you think it is just an antiquated social convention I'm not sure it is so honorable to sacrifice a woman's reputation merely for the sake of standing up to convention. To be fair, I don't think this is how most people think about sex and marriage. I think most people are interested in sex and fall in love and follow the pattern of the age (attraction, sex, dating, living together, maybe eventually marriage and kids). But those are some of the reasons why I think it does matter.
posing this question, like most relationship related threads... is always pointless... it's presented with the intent of objectively exchanging ideas... to gain some sort of better well thought, properly analyzed understanding....but no ideas are ever exchanged... just personal feelings... in the end the same people involved in the conversation are going to just as rigidly abide/stay with the same subjective view they had about it... without any new, serious reconsiderations... as the only things considered are another person's personal feelings on the matter... nothing truly objective to really mull over...which, unless the person is someone particularly important to you, is only done so in passing... heavily favoring eachother's own... the people that have drawn positives from the idea of marriage... be it by personal experience... or personally witnessed accounts... of what they see/have seen about them from friends and family... will always agree with those that praise the institution of marriage... equally those that have drawn negatives... will do the same with those that disagree with the act of marriage... most people are simply incapable of taking objective stands on matter that affect them personally... "me me me me me!"
Well this is a discussion about love and marriage. Typically something people have their own definition of built to suit their life/wants/needs. So this kind of topic isn't about "changing anyone's mind", and really shouldn't be. All I do is notice everyone's own personal preference and go about my merry way. Not really in it to change their perspective. What works for them is fine.
Considering how independent we are today, and how women get objectified (sigh), getting married is like russian roulette. The odds of finding an unselfish, decent to good looking woman willing to stick with you for the long haul has to be almost zero. and Mrs Valdez, put the crack pipe down, please.
I agree. I think this has been a pretty good thread that has not denegrated into a bunch of sniping and sarcasm. . .though there is some Rocket River
The idea that you "owe it" to somebody else in your family to get married is one of the main reasons many marriages fail. That and the rush to have sex to avoid false conceptions of what God cares and doesn't care about concerning penises and their interactions with vaginae. Get the sexual tension out of the way early, you'll be better off for it.
