Why Does Sex Decrease After Marriage (Long-Term Relationships)?

My apologies. I certainly did not mean for anyone to think of my post as an 'attack. It truly wasn't.

The initial comment was simply noting the *irony* of the topic at hand in relation to the venue. Not bafflement, just amused by the cliche of the situation.

But see, what you're really doing here is being defensive, and turning a blind eye to the seriousness and complexity of the issue. It's perfectly understandable - most people, especially men, do this almost instinctively. It's not an attack, or a judgment, or a condemnation, it's just reality.

Men are relatively simple creatures in some respects, compared to women, particularly where matters of personal intimacy are concerned, so it's entirely natural that men tend to see problems as simple things with simple solutions, while being oblivious to the underlying complexity.

'Too much thought'? 'It's a simple question'? I know it seems simple on the surface, but it's really not.

You should try to find the video and watch it, you'll see what I mean. These young men truly believed that what they were doing was a good thing, would enhance their value and make them more attractive to.. well, unsure really, girls, other boys, who knows. But the one thing they were not doing was being unserious.

The striking thing about it is the fact that they had placed such significance on the physical act itself that it obliterated all common sense, and, while they no doubt thought they were being cool and sexy, they were really just reduced to being pathetic fools.

Although it's obviously a drastic example, it does underline the very common trait in our culture to focus on the sex act far out of all proportion, to where it often borders on obsession and addiction in nature.

It only means that it is an important step for many men to recognize this trait in themselves. And I don't think the thread is pointless; quite the opposite in fact. It just happens to be something that I take very seriously, as most people should, but clearly do not.

The battle is to recognize this compulsion in ourselves; to what degree, if any, and to try to prevent this compulsion from affecting your decision-making, especially for extremely important decisions such as marriage, relationships, or even having unprotected sex, potentially leading, of course, to things like unwanted pregnancies and STD's.

It was not a series of questions meant for anyone to answer here, it is the sort of thing for asking one's self, to perhaps help to lead to some positive results following genuine self-examination.

The point is this: When the op's first post stated, in effect, that he was 'worried' by the idea that the frequency of sex might decrease after marriage to the point to where it literally made him shy away from the idea of marriage altogether, that's called a 'red flag', and it signifies a much deeper underlying juxtaposition of priorities. In addition, with a very large percentage of the male population (not necessarily here, in this thread, but in our society in general) essentially echoing such 'less sex after marriage' concerns with a big 'Amen, Brother!', it reveals that this issue is real, it is serious, it is large, and it is not going to go away any time soon.

The op's problem is not the likelihood that frequency of sex will decrease after marriage, but rather that he has placed such an inordinately high priority on the mere frequency of the act itself that he would actually turn away from marriage rather than see that frequency decrease.

Now I am not saying that anyone's life is going to be drastically changed by reading a Rockets Hangout forum, or that this is even the appropriate place for such a thing, but if any of this sparks him to some introspection, to start asking himself some questions about where his priorities truly are, then it would be worth it. That's the point.

If you find it germane to the discussion, the answer is simple: It's a topic I care very deeply about, and take very seriously. I have been involved in this in some capacity for over 20 years, and when I happen to come across a situation where I might possibly be able to help someone, even a tiny bit, towards living a happier and richer life, then it's definitely worth a few minutes of my time to type some things out.

Yes it is. I admit it is difficult, and I have no doubts that I am doing a lousy job of it.. A seminar can easily go on for over two hours, including Q&A, and even at that is just the barest of thumbnail interaction. And on here, this is all just 'thumbnails of thumbnails'. But the important thing is always to get people to start looking inwards, and to start asking the right questions.

Heheh, I guarantee you that 'most guys' would disagree - that was kind of the point. And while your ability to think about sex while typing is admirable, it doesn't really alter reality.

Women do indeed think about sex at least as much as men, and in most cases much more often. But they don't mind us not knowing that, it gives them the upper hand.

To illustrate: Did you ever see that old Saturday Night Live skit with Joe Piscopo (or maybe Al Franken, I can't remember exactly) doing some kind of 'news segment', exposing the 'myth of the female orgasm'? He did not believe women had orgasms, so he was sure it was a myth. The line was priceless: He said, "I have been with hundreds of women, and NOT ONE OF THEM HAS EVER HAD AN ORGASM!"

The point is, you can never be too sure..

 

So, my emperor of Rome, can you give me the cliffnotes version of your post above?

 

he's saying that his wife is the one who wears the pants.

 

Maybe if the wife would quit being such a nagging b**** it wouldn't ruin the husband's sex drive.

 

Looks like somebody isn't getting any.

 

he went there

 

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I think long relationships makes couples too comfortable and don't fear separation with each other to the point that they stop taking care of themselves and share things with each other that tend to completely be TURN OFFs.

 

ROFL

I knew someone was going to say that!! hehehe Heck, when I was looking over it, I thought to myself, 'Man, what a whipped shmuck!'

But no, heheh you actually have no idea how true that is.

And sorry Manny, it's just one of those topics that gets me rolling, and I don't mean for it to ramble on... it's just that it is a complex issue, and I think it's important.

But really, it doesn't matter what I think. The op has some wirries, some big decisions looming out there, and he was looking for some words of encouragement, something to soothe his worries and doubts. There's no magic pills, no easy answers. He ultimately just needs to decide whether his life is going to be ruled by his head and his heart, or from between his legs. He'll be happier if he can come to understand that it is better to have his head and heart outrank his genitalia. That's all.

 

My head and heart operate in league with my genitalia. They're like Churchill, Roosevelt, and Stalin, hanging out at Yalta, getting ready to divide up the world. Then Churchill is like, "Hmm ... I think I have some time to go out tonight, but I need to consider my possible courses of action." Roosevelt replies, "Yes, I feel like having a good conversation, expressing my feelings to those who are important to me." Stalin responds thoughtfully, "b****es, I want some mother****in' poontang, for real."
And that is the story of how WWII ended.

 

I gotta be honest. In every relationship I've had including my nine-year marriage, I've been with women who have had greater sex drives than even me. It has NEVER been an issue. The only issue was being careful not to get her pregnant, but there were zero issues with interest.

 

You guys need to go down on your lady more. And not for just 5 minutes. Tie her up, put in a good CD, take an altoids or two, and camp out down there. They deserve it.

Anti-p*rn guy....go preach somewhere else. I'd love to see some stats behind your p*rn ruins marriage comments. Sounds like religious propaganda.

 

I'm sure that we are all making all kind of gross generalizations, but IF the female sex drive is as great as the males, why must things be choreographed in a fashion pleasing to her in order to increase her willingness to participate?

John Gray (Men/Mars, Women/Venus) used to assert that there be an understanding about "quickies" between husband and wife. I'm not sure how he or that is professionally regarded but it was great around here... for awhile!

 

Sexual Economy 101:

It has to do with the law of diminishing returns.

 

Yeah, well John also thought that the key to a successful marriage was women giving blow jobs no matter when the husband asked. He was mostly full of ****.

Like most things, it's about balance.

 

YEAH WELL WE'RE NOT ALL AS HOT AS YOU.

 

And none as modest as you.

 

I think the marriages would work more if we had a free pass once in the blue. Even though, I am a woman, I don't think I can be with same person for rest of my life and expect it to be still great. *shrugs*

 

I'm always hesitant to talk about this stuff here...because it's personal stuff and when I share my experience with it, I'm inherently sharing the same stuff about my wife.

But I can honestly say, this has not been my experience. Our first year of marriage was easily our toughest. My wife and I comment that our marriage gets stronger and better as we go. The whole Cosby joke about dropping a marble in a jar everytime you have sex in the first year of marriage...and then take one out every time you have sex thereafter, and you'll never empty the jar.....that doesn't apply in my marriage. Not even close. Life throws you curves...you're busier and more stressed at some points of your life than others. But sex is healthy for a marriage. It should be drawing you together in your relationship. It's when it's emptied of that component that it becomes something other than what I think it was intended for.