Oh, just reading over the "hey, we need to get Jeff and Isabel together" posts. Settle down, boys. Isabel seems like a genuinely nice woman struggling through some issues with her husband. Let's try to give her some help with that and not try to hook her up with some long haired, tattoo-wanting, musician freak. Sounds like she has enough crazy in her life at the moment.
Who's that snappy looking older gent on the left with the button down dress shirt? Is that my boy, BLUE? BLUE, YOUR MY BOY! YOUR MY BOY, BLUE! In response to Isabel in the original e-mail, I was going to post a classic picture of Luke Skywalker from Star Wars where he is saying: I CARE! This is his response to Lea when she says something about Han to Luke along the lines of "I wonder if he(Han) cares about anybody or anything?" In reality, most men are P-I-G...PIGS! As was stated, a lot of women prefer to be dumped on. They get off on it in their own strange way. As far as the sensitive ones who run the gauntlet of emotions, men will never be able to keep up despite what your told and what the man's intentions are. That's just the way it is. The only perfect man who can match the female on emotion and all that makes up the woman's innermost feelings and sense of caring is the GAY MAN.
The secret to a successful relationship is stated in the song "Hey Jealousy" by the Gin Blossoms (who I don't particularly like). "If you don't expect too much from me you might not be let down." I know, it kinda sounds horrible but hear me out. It breaks down to a few things. 1. No bait and switch. Sounds like your man has been the same from day 1. That's very good, honest and important. You get to decide if you like him as how he is, and he is consistent. Ask yourself if you've been the same, or are you changing? Not to say that change is wrong, but it's tough on dudes when the standards change. If he's been the same and you have too, but you're starting to wonder, that's totally fine. It happens. 2. Do you rely on him for your happiness? That's expectin to much from him. That's too big a burden for any one person to handle. Sure, you should get love, affection and more from your signif other. But you can't be totally dependent on him. Gotta have your friends, family, and self. 3. If you're cool on points 1 and 2, then he is a lucky dude and should try. I mean really try. I've been told I'm a great husband because I try - most of the time. Sometimes, I'm tired after work and would like nothing better than to hug my wife and daughter and then sit in silence. Sometimes, wife likes to chat about every detail in her day. Every excruciating detail, with double coverage of any minidramas. Well, I try to listen, most of the time. On the days I really want to just do nothing, I tell her very honestly, I'm not trying to be a jerk but I really need the short version. She realizes I try (not all women give credit where it's due) so she's sweet and does her own thing. This example is how things should be. Not perfect, but good, very very good.
I think I can sum it up by comparing it to the old joke about dogs... Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can
Ha. Ha. Ha. The ironic part is that y'all are arguing everyone's position. Being a jerk works. Being a nice, respectful guy works. It all depends on what you are trying to attain. I was head over heels for my college sweetie. Treated her like a queen. She broke up. I was in lust with my ex-wife. Treated her like crap. She broke up. Being yourself is the most important part.
I wouldn't be married for 20 years if I wasn't sensitive to my wife's needs. It wasn't always the case and our relationship certainly isn't perfect. You have to work at it. In order to enjoy spending a large amount of time you need to first enjoy spendign the short amounts of time. When your lady comes home from work and hasn't had a great day, don't tell her what she needs to do to make it better. Prepare dinner and just listen to her when she talks. It goes a long way. Don't criticize. If you feel you need to, just stifle it Edith. If you are going to criticize, you are not mature enough to be in a relationship. Just my 2 cents
I've said it before, but generally speaking, guys are dumb. Not to say many women are better. Ok, so the whole human race is stupid.
If that is the case why are the human race about to expand to the point where the planet cann't handle us anymore?
Nope, we chose this path. Just because we're smarter than most other animals doesn't mean we're not dumb.
Now, I don't mean to drive this thread in the wrong direction (if that's possible), but... I can think of several ways in which, if I were invovled in such a scenario, all three parties involved would greatly benefit. (don't make me post pictures). -- droxford
Man, I don't ever take advice from celebrities, but damn if this isn't mature advice from Will Smith in a story in the Chronicle today... Married seven years, Smith and Pinkett Smith have one of Hollywood's model marriages. The couple are parents of Jaden, 6, Willow, 4, and Trey, 12, Smith's son from his first marriage. Instead of indulging in real-life drama over their merged family, the Smiths created and produced a comedy series for UPN, All of Us, loosely based on their experience. "Jada and I don't just love our relationship, we study it," Smith says, adding that the key is "blatant honesty. ... Jada knows who I am and I know who I am." Which is a good thing, considering his sizzling on-screen chemistry with the beautiful Mendes (Training Day, Out of Time). "It's simple. Eva Mendes is fine, a beautiful young actress. Am I going to try to sleep with her or not? No. If I answer the question truthfully, we can move along. The complexity only comes in with a lie."
I highly recommend you read Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray, which sounds like a really lurid title, but the book more scholarly than the title suggests. The book looks at human male/female relationships with the sort of point of view you'd expect from a behavioral biologist, and details a natural common pattern in the way men and women connect. It requires you to buy into the whole "hominid evolution on the African savannah" theory of human cultural development, but it really details relationships from the beginning to end in a way that is incredibly accurate. Here's a link to the first few pages, which don't exactly detail with the phase of behavior you're looking at, but you'll get the idea. The general theme is that in the "savannah culture" of proto-man, the men would go out alone and forage or hunt while women would stay in groups to nurture young, prepare food, etc. In this environment, for the men who were off chucking spears at mastodons behaviors like becoming emotional and needing to talk would result in hunters who would give up at first failure. Instead, as hunting is a sort of serial behavior men would hunker down and either get mad to steel their resolve for the next attempt, or get quite to release stress and perhaps think about what went wrong. Conversely, as women stayed in static groups, behaviors that involve discussing emotional conflict and connecting on an emotional level help to strengthen community, and is therefore evolutionarily selective. A woman without good community skills wouldn't have the vast support that community can provide if she needed them, and would thus be genetically less viable. There is biological evidence for this model of human development, in the slight female advantage at things like the Ray test and fine motor movements, and the slight male advantage at throwing things. Also, this explains the age old deal with men asking for directions. Women are wired to depend on community, and men are wired to depend on them selves. The greater point here is that the frictions you are having are universal to men and women. The successful relationships occur when people are able to compromise some, and also to refocus natural behavior to slightly more acceptable alternatives. This, then, leads you to Sigmund Freud, and the reason people develop neurosis, but that's another rant. BTW, the book also points out that there is legitimate statistical evidence which points to the "seven year itch". The greatest number of relationships which disolve do so in the seventh year by far.
