O queen of Spain, your situation reminds me very much of my aunt and uncle. He, like your Ferdinand, did not overtly treat her poorly, at least in the earlier period of their marriage, but his treatment of her was often cold/ambivalent/condescending. Over the years, the situation has gotten worse, not better. I believe that she would have been happier leaving him long ago, as her twin sister (my mother) did with her crappy husband. Now, that is not to say that it is easy to leave someone, or that it is right in every situation. From my second-hand experiences though, I can tell you that of the two people I know that were in somewhat similar situations, the one that was happier was the one that left her husband. IIRC, the two of you do not have kids, correct. If that is right, then it would remove at least one obstacle to you leaving. Maybe I am an idealist, but I think everyone deserves to be with someone that makes them happy, and I could never advise someone to settle for less than that. Having never been married myself, take all of this with buckets of salt though.
I don't presume to know you, Isabel, any more than I know the rest of the posters here that I've never met. From reading your posts, though, I think you're a good person. I hope you find the happiness you deserve. I could never do the "jerk" thing. I'm naive, I know, but I believe that if you treat women like b****es then that's all you're going to attract.
A little something I found: Personality, not values, makes the marriage By Susan Heavey WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Shared moral values are less important than compatible personalities as a recipe for a good marriage, according to a new study. Married couples often share the same attitudes about faith and other values, researchers from the University of Iowa found in the study released on Sunday. But those with personalities similar to their spouses were the happiest. "People may be attracted to those who have similar attitudes, values and beliefs and even marry them," the researchers said, and those qualities are easy to spot in a potential mate. Attitudes toward subjects such as religion or politics "are highly visible," they said. But how married people behave was shown to have a greater effect on happiness. "Being in a committed relationship entails regular interaction and requires extensive coordination in dealing with tasks, issues and problems of daily living," the study found. Differences in how to deal with everyday matters can lead to "more friction and conflict," it said. Personality-driven traits -- like being open, easy-going or organized -- are likely to play a bigger role in the marriage, the researchers found after studying 291 newly married couples. The newlyweds were married for an average of five months when the data was culled late in 2000 and had dated for an average of 3 1/2 years. The couples were participants in the Iowa Marital Assessment Project, a long-term study being conducted by the university with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health under the National Institutes of Health (news - web sites). Participants were asked to evaluate their own traits and were videotaped interacting with each other. Partners who rated their marriages as highly satisfactory were found to have more common personality traits. Similar attitudes among the couples, however, showed no clear impact on happiness, according to the study published in the American Psychological Association's Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Holy crap, Behad. Good find. I found that article to be VERY true in my experience. I think some personalities are made for long-term relationships and others just aren't unfortunately.
judging by their bbs personas.... yea...I actually do think they would get along famously... there is the little matter of not being in the same city to deal with tho... ok is it time for the Isabel CF.net Tour? Behad could host the bbq again... ohyea....Im at a loss for words about our young friend synergy....Im not sure if he is just cocksure or full of ****....or possibly both..
ELAINE: Jerry, he want me to fix him up with Marisa Tomei. I am not gonna be a part of this! GEORGE: (animated) Fixed up? A cup of coffee! A cup of coffee is not a fix up! ELAINE: You wanna meet her. You wanna see if she likes you? GEORGE: (defensive) So what? So what if I do? ELAINE: (shrill) You're engaged! GEORGE: (worked up) I'm aware! I'm aware!! But this is Marisa Tomei, Elaine. An Oscar winner! How can I live the rest of my life, knowing I coulda been with Marisa Tomei? She said I was just her type! She loves short, stocky, balding funny men! JERRY: I notice you threw 'stocky' in there. GEORGE: Yeah, what the hell?! ELAINE: George! It's cheating. GEORGE: (adamant) It's not cheating if there's no sex! ELAINE: Yes it is! GEORGE: (frustrated) Ahh!!
Forgot to post this earlier, but anyway... What good would that do you, even if you could manage it? What's the use of having two girls at once? Male lobsters have two ****'s, but not male humans.
I almost started a "Would you date a single Isabel" poll...or a "Official Isabel Waiting List" thread, both would have been insensitive. But they also would have been insanely popular. Fact is, Isabel, through your words alone, I think this board is about evenly divided between guys who think of you as a sister, and those with a low level crush on you. Part of that is because you are a rare female prescence on a mostly masculine board, but mostly, I think is because you carry yourself in such a way it embodies a lot of what is good about women in general. As far as Ferdinand goes, I don't know the man and don't have any advice except....a good rule of thumb for knowing if someone is a good person is twofold 1) Do the people who know them best like them/enjoy spending time with them (he seems in some danger of failing this criteria) 2) Is he good to children/animals and the elderly. If he is deficent in this latter category as well...then I definately recommend some soul searching. One thing I am pretty sure about. A grown adult, sacrificing their happiness, in the hope of preserving the happiness of another adult...does not seem to be something morally "right" to me. Whatever your decision we are with you and wish you well!
He's gotten in his groove. He could even be happy with his life as it is. If that's driving you insane or killing you slowly, then shake it up. An example would be finding temporary work in another land. You probably know your options. If you want the advice of males here, they will probably tell you to seize your life and be in control. I honestly don't know what advice women would give. If you know he doesn't change, will you still love him in 5 years? Next week? The guy is oblivious or autistic to your signals. So if you can't live with that, the question is- are you going to blindside him now, or in the future when everyone's old and opportunities appear limited? Just 2 cents from a stranger.
This is a half truth. I am not ashamed of what I call "My Two Sons" but it does make using public urinals a bit awkward. If I had a dollar for every time I'd had to turn to the guy next to me and shout, "WHAT, YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A GUY WITH TWO SCHLONGS BEFORE???" I would have lots of dollars.
