Manny -- While she may not have been up front with you, it doesn't sound like you were exactly forthright with her either: - You "overheard" personal details about her and used them to form an opinion about your possible relationship chances - You "pretty much" asked her out but said it could be a group thing - You "got the impression" she might want to date you because she didn't flat out say "no" that night - And now you're angry because she is "pretty much" living with a guy It all sounds very vague to me. While she could have been more direct with you, it sounds to me like you may be just as guilty. Believe it or not, not all women are scheming tramps out to break mens' hearts. Many of us are just as confused about your behavior as you are about ours. Honestly, when I was single, I had an impossible time trying to figure out if guys were interested in me or not. In fact, Jeff and I were friends for months before I finally decided to take matters into my own hands and ask him out. Trust me, guys' behavior isn't as transparent as you all seem to think it is. As far as giving her the cold shoulder (or "psychological warfare"), don't do it. She won't know why you're acting weird, and you'll just become even more angry and pissed off. That kind of behavior will only end up hurting you, and you deserve better than that.
Manny: I wish I could give you good news on this... unfortunately, I cannot. This woman was using you as a way to make her feel better, and it is a lot more common than you think. What I do... (and I'm not necessarily recommending this, because I have relationship issue's also) I always blow off girls I know I'll see again (again, this seems crazy at first) thr craziest part is that these are the girls that will corrall you later on. Also, When I'm on the phone with any woman I've met, I ask them in the first 5 MINUTES if they're interested, and I don't beat around the bush, either. Let's face it.... I don't want to pay $100 for a girl....FRIEND!! Neither should you. My advice? Never placate what you want. Women like men (at least typically) who say "I like you, let's go out" Is it Cavemanish? Maybe, but all we're asking for is dinner. Motto: If you like her, TELL HER! What's the worst she can say? NO? Life is a Rollercoaster, get on, and ride!
Mrs. Jeff is right Manny dude, You aren't even half sure yourself whats really going on. You have to make sure you have all the facts straight before you draw your conclusions. Believe me, I may be only 18, But I've learned that communication is vital to any relationship. Without it, wires are crossed, you go by impulses and feelings, and assume too much or too less. You have to find out exactly what her feelings are before you make up your mind one way or the other. Its always better to be sure.
body english cannot change the direction of a ball. body language is not a ball with a known direction. imo, you're current body language is throwing her a curveball. The catcher must always now the pitch you are throwing. man, what is it with the power of baseball to produce appropriate metaphors for all aspects of life?
But the justification might lie in the fact that the catcher, whether or not she was aware of it, called for the curveball, and all Manny did was chunk it in there as requested. It's not his fault if she forgot the signs, is it?
Asking for it, and then rejecting it, tells you the girl was fishing for affection. Manny: Come out with me.... I'll solve all that ails ya!
ok, so maybe the catcher did call for the curveball. but maybe the pitcher threw a 55ft bouncer that startled the catcher.
In that case, it would be the pitcher's responsibility to cover home plate in order to prevent the runner on third from scoring. I'm so confused...
if that is true, what you are saying is that when signals are crossed, the pitcher's responsibility is to go home.
Manny, listen to Mrs. B. The rest is mainly crap. Forget the game playing scenarios. So the woman is confused. Move to the next one. You guys are starting to make me think it isn't so bad being an old married guy after all. Dating: it is the best of times; it is the worst of times.
amen! I enjoyed being single, but I sure as hell dont miss the uncertainty and game playing involved in it. Being married rocks..I know just where I'm at, and what to do in all situations. Manny, it isnt to be, move on and go to the next one. You are a nice guy, just keep fishing till you find one worthy of your attentions.
Thanks for the input, especially Fatty, Kim, Mrs. JB, and TJ. You know that you spend too much time here when you start thinking to yourself, "I need to pull a Trader_Jorge on this girl!" Mrs. JB - I sure wish I could find some girl that wants to ask ME out instead of the other way around. It sure would make my life easier. Maybe I was vague, but it is really hard for me to come out and ask her a girl out. I was really hoping that she could read between the lines, but I guess she could not. Factor in the fact that we *can* see each other every day because of work, and it made me think that she might be against dating people she works with, but I have no idea. This is just one of many times that I have had a girl not be upfront with me. That is why I did this thread - I am tired of this nonsense. It is like girls or women think they would hurt a guy's feelings more if they told him right away instead of being ambiguous. But dammit, finding out these things makes guys, at least me, angry and hurt. It is not going to devestate me to hear "no". I wish women could learn that.
Sounds like it to me although she may not have done it intentionally. Sounds like she got that dreaded "friend" vibe from you. Sucks but the best thing you can to is MOVE ON. Don't be bitter, just be neutral and move on asap. Also, speaking from personal experience....don't date chicks at work. Nothing good can come from it.
Manny, I understand that it's frustrating. But I also think it's important for you to see that you behaved in a manner that is the opposite of how you wanted her to behave. You wanted her to be direct and upfront, yet admit that you were hoping she could read between the lines of your pseudo-invitation. We can't ask others to behave in ways that we ourselves are unable to. It will only end in disappointment . It's important that, from this situation, you learn: Immutable Life Law #1 - This law says that we get back exactly what we put out. Always. If you put out vague and indirect questions, you'll get back vague and indirect answers. If you "sort of" ask her out, she'll "sort of" give you a response (ie...not saying anything about it and hoping you'll get the message). If you had asked her upfront if she was seeing anyone, she would have told you. And if you had asked her if she would be interested in, or comfortable with going on a date with you (just you), she would have told you that too. It's important to realize that other people are mirrors of ourselves. When they exhibit behavior that annoys us (like vagueness), it's almost always a trait that we have, and dislike, in ourselves. In light of this Manny, the way to ensure that women are always upfront with you, is to make sure that you are always upfront with them. If you want direct answers, ask direct questions. I guarantee that if you change your behavior toward women in this aspect, they can't help but to change their behavior toward you. That's just the way the world works.
Woah... That's profound. Reading that, I kept picturing Mrs. JB as the little kid in The Matrix: Spoon boy: "Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth." Neo: "What truth?" Spoon boy: "There is no spoon." Neo: "There is no spoon?" Spoon boy: Then you'll see that it is not the spoon that bends; it is only yourself.
