i'll ignore this, except to say, i live in new york and never listen to the radio. and my fox viewing is pretty much limited to 24 and arrested development.
the teachers don't "work for me," any more than a doctor or dentist does. the nanny's do work for us, but it's a symbiotic relationship, and they're well compensated.
LOL. I'll go out on a limb and say if he has gay friends with kids, listens to Mozart and speaks French then I'm gonna guess there isn't much Rush Limbaugh or Fox News around his house.
the nannys are paid completely "on-the-books" which includes SS, disability, etc. it's an enormous pain in the ass, not to mention costing us an extra 15% or so above their wages.
actually, the french is mostly spoken by the nannies. my wife and i speak a bit, but much of the nanny/child conversation is in french, which can be pretty hilarous.
You said the child used the terms lighter and darker? Lighter and darker does not mean whiter or blacker. Now if we put together a couple of Arrested Development episodes together I think you will have your answer. There was the episode where David Cross dressed as a british nanny. There was also the episode where David Cross was a dark blue tint in his effort to be close to his wife. I think when you put those two episodes together with your admitted viewing preference that the answer is clear. Your wife's speach about skin tones and the episode where David Cross has the blue skin tone really confused or enlightened the poor child.
I think you're missing my point. Just because you pay someone well doesn't make them equal or your friend. Children actually are surprisingly sensitive to such things. I'm saying that if all your relationships with minorities are business related your children will develop the idea that minorities aren't 'Friends' to socialize and are thus different.
"all" our relationships with minorities are not business related- see my comment above about my daughter's comment about liking my friend's dark skin. it is true that her nannys are minorities, but my business contacts extend beyond minorities, and our minority interaction extends well beyond the business realm.
Basso; I would say then you have a solution to your problem. Spend more time with your kid hanging out with your minority friends and then she'll see that skin color is irrelevent to friendship.
From what I understand, to some degree the response is natural, but how you deal with it is what makes the difference. I saw some university study which showed that the prevalence of racist thoughts was equal among young racists and non-racists, but that non-racists learn to catch themselves from thinking such things and eventually train themselves otherwise. Here's how I’d see it: It's good for you that your child and you have a good enough relationship that she can come to you and talk to you about such a personal concern. I would never have been able to discuss such a thing with my father for fear of his reaction. It is also lucky that she chooses to do so at an age when you are able to guide her away from that path. Don't worry about it. It should be viewed as an opportunity to help guide and nurture your child at an age when her opinions are most malleable as opposed to some indicator of evil or corrupting outside influences which have hurt her. It's like toilet training for the soul.
Honestly I figure she was just fishing . . Well . .maybe the skin thing is a euphemism like so much in life who beyond you and your wife are around the nannies and your daughter? The Theory IMO is . .. your regular nanny is the one she likes as for your daughter. . she lacks color. . she is just NANNY not dark skinned light skinned or anything .. she is NANNY [perhaps in her eyes she sees Nanny as lighter skins even when it is not the reality . . the early association of white is right perhaps?] the new nanny is not what she likes or is familiar with .. so she latches onto the most prominant thing she can think of as a reason for her feelings honestly I don't think you or your wife have any fault in this I think you have handled it above and beyond . . . keep up the vigilance. Rocket River
Blame the mirror. She's just projecting her preferences in terms that she feels comfortable conversing in. The Ol' racism by reference. She didn't mean it as racism because she's only three, but you understood it as racism because you're not. Did you really expect her to verbalize her desire for the old nanny by stating that she's too impatient to make an effort to get used to the new one? I would expect she would use terms that she understands: appearance, smell, loudness, entertainment value...
Basso, Pardon me asking, but are you white? I am assuming so, and I think that is your answer. She doesn't have a relationship with the new nanny, and is most comfortable with people who resemble her parents. Once she establishes a relationship with the new nanny, as she had with her previous one, she will be fine. If you are showing respect to people of other races, and not displaying racist behavior, I think your children will learn to respect all others also.
Update: We had a conversation with our daughter last night about the incident, w/o specifically bringing up the "color" issue. she said "it hurts her feelings" when the new nanny comes because it means her regular nanny won't be there, which makes complete sense. i still wonder at the way she chose to express er hurt feelings, but think she probably doesn't really understand the cultrurally inflammatory nature of her remarks, although he probably realizes now that she pushed a hot button! anyway, cute story: I've been telling her a series of bedtime stories, one of which involves a church organist. she's been going to an episcopal church with my wife lately, and she's completely fascinated by the ritual, music, etc. in this particular stor, "oscar the organist" was practising at lunch time: Daddy: "...and he played a piece by Bach..." Daughter: "you listen to that one!" Daddy: "...and he played some Mozart..." Daughter: "I like Mozart!" Daddy: "...and, uhhhhhh, he playyyyyed some [desparately wracking brain trying to think of a composer who wrote for the organ] Messiaen!" Loooooooong pause, then: Daughter, emphatically: "No!, you don't listen to that one!" ...which is true, actually...
