Then wouldn't more people coming, in essence, mean that it was cheaper per person? You're not paying any extra for the venue if one more person comes. It's a fixed cost whereas the price of food is the marginal cost.
While I didn't expect 100% communication, I was just surprised by the lack of consideration of so many people. I don't think it is that hard. I've failed at this before, too. I'm just stung by the numbers. We had some communications come through our kids (I guess those were the phonophobic people). We had some voicemails left during the day (more phonophobes I suppose). We actually talked to some people ourselves who had problems ranging from funerals to weddings to birthdays to baseball games and other things inbetween. Since my second wedding, this is the first event I've hosted where I had to send written invitations that were not conveyed by my kids to their school chums. I can assure you that I will do, perhaps, flawlessly in the future whether I am asked to RSVP or express Regrets Only (I am heartily amused by the lamentations about that term....). The bottomline: if you are politely and kindly asked to fulfill a simple requirement on which someone is counting the outcome.... JUST DO IT.
Of course, you could just do the polite thing and not place the onus and burden on someone else. If you force someone to call and say they're not coming, you're placing a burden on them for a party that they did not choose to be invited to. What if they just didn't want to come? I'm sure when the call and say they aren't coming you'll ask for some sort of explanation, right? What if their explanation is simply that they don't want to go? That might come across as a little rude, as well. Damned if they do and damned if they don't.
I went to this one wedding a few years back. My half Japanese GF and I were friends with a couple where the girl was Chinese and the guy Vietnamese. Apparently, Asian weddings are crazy-expensive events. I felt like I was at the Oscars or something with the quality of food (lobster, duck, etc....to this day I've never eaten so damn much). It was OVER $200 per head in this huge-ass venue in Bellaire....and there were literally hundreds of people there. I'd guess 400 at least. Totally blew my mind. The only sure-fire way to get me to attend a wedding is to put me in the damn thing because I'll feel honor-bound to comply. Otherwise, I avoid weddings like the plague. My friends know this and forgive me. I see both points on the inviting a guest/date thing. One other thing I think the couple needs to consider is whether the person invited really knows anyone else. You might obviously know him or her, but you'll be busy with everything else, and said person just may be shy enough to not feel comfortable approaching people who are also busy with everyone else that they know. The result is a friend you knew well enough to invite in the first place sitting all alone, which is, to me, a hell of a lot ruder than that person not showing up and every bit as rude as that person not responding to an invite, if not more. Just my opinion.
Well, it was more like 100+... probably 70 adults and 30 children. It was a lot but I had invited a lot more. You see I have this big EGO whereby if I invite someone I expect them to come (SHEESH and DAMN, I forgot the Mayor)... unless they follow the directions that tell me they aren't coming. Call me naive, but I never imagined that anyone would have a problem picking up the phone and politely refusing an invitation (very few even seemed to by lying). Maybe I'll just assume that all who didn't call and didn't come were lying and just not invite them to the Second Annual...
I can't get into this onus and burden stuff. That seems like a huge overstatement. I think most who didn't were just disorganized and careless rather than phobic. An invitation is a friendly gesture; a kind reply is just not too much to ask. No one invited would have any compelling reason not to come . It was a family outing from 2-6 PM It cracks me up who it became impolite for so many people here to invite someone to a gathering and ask for any kind of confirmation one way or another. I chose REGRETS ONLY because I figured I'd be dealing with fewer incoming phone calls to keep track of. It seems to have turned out about 1/3rd, 1/3rd, 1/3rd... so it really didn't matter what I did or how I did it. Remember your manners and (wo)man up when you are asked to communicate. Get drunk and pick up the phone...
Of those who called, none cited "laziness" as their reason for not attending. Most sounded disappointed to not be able to attend and had the usual conflicts birthday parties, weddings, wedding showers, work, little league games and a memorial service in a couple of cases. Maybe those who did nothing were just lazy; that's good to know although I'd suggest inconsiderate if not just disorganized.
Perhaps the best method is just to ask everybody to respond, regardless of whether they plan on attending or not. Some people will say yes, some will say no, and some won't respond. But then you know a general range. You invite 200 people and 75 say they're coming and 75 say they're not. Then you know almost for a fact that 75-125 people are attending and you can plan for that. I know you're talking about manners and stuff but you shouldn't be surprised that people who were too lazy to respond were the people who were too lazy to attend.
Character trait. For good or bad. However, the smugness that comes across in saying that you're punishing them by not inviting them next year just invites that type of response. If I hadn't said it I guarantee you someone else would have.
C'mon, we're all smart asses...It's a gift... I didn't know what Regrets only meant, but I agree, common courtesy should prevail, especially, if you're spending $$$...However, this happens all the time in weddings...not knowing for sure who's coming, even thought they said they would, etc... I will admit, if I invite someone, and they don't show up, I wouldn't invite them back...that's just how I roll...
I've got a coupon for a sarcasm meter repair for you. Your "type of response" came long before my feigned smugness.
You expect too much out of people Giddyup. You've learned a lesson on how people are and you adapt. Yes, they should have called you, but they didn't and it's not the worst thing in the world. Not everyone is going to like you or care about you. Don't get upset that people don't care enough about you to give you a call to tell them they don't want to come to your lawn party...there were plenty of people who did want to come to your party.
dude, just think about all the clutchfans gathering we've had over the years. everyone says they're showing up, but only 1/4 actually do. it's just the way it is.
you invited over a 100 families? what's a family? 3-4 people on average? throwing a get together for 300+ people... good luck with that. giddyup you come across as someone who thinks their better than others because of such little and insignificant things. might be why some didn't even bother. did you pout the entire time at the party or have fun? still haven't answered that.
Little things matter. I don't think it is too much to ask that people respond when asked to respond to an invitation. I am more considerate than the average Joe; people have told me that my whole life. Some sin. As I said, I have failed to respond myself before. I'm not looking for perfection or punishment. I know that some are going to fall through the cracks. It's just that 50 or so invitees just blew it off and I bought beer and wine for them. All they had to do is call and say "We can't make it..." Most of 'em anyway! How about 35? That leaves 15 for being disorganized or inconsiderate... We had a great time. People brought food. We provided beverages. The kids were playing soccer, jumping in the jumping castle, playing basketball, riding bikes and skateboards. I played a little from my small collection of Texas music while the adults ate, chatted and debated various topics. We watched the sun drop down on a beautiful evening. Can't wait 'til next year... Should I go with REGRETS ONLY or R.S.V.P.?
