i bring a date so i don't have to sit there awkwarding staring at my food all night b/c i'm trying to avoid eye contact with all the old people i don't know.
If the host of an event cares more about the location/themselves/etc than about making me comfortable bringing my SO (or even close friend if there are not many people I would know) then I would have no interest in attending. Maybe that's just me, it's entirely possible that I just have different (not better) social priorities.
No, I admittedly haven't. When my wife got married 6 years ago we had a $12k budget for the whole shebang. Money was certainly an issue for us and I understand the frustration with both "RSVP" and "regrets only" type invitations. I guess my wife and I just had a different idea of the wedding/reception. We wanted a lot of friends/family there so we had a cheaper reception hall, brought our own alcohol, etc. I just can't imagine telling one of my friends that they couldn't bring a guest. Again, just different ideas of the event.
Some people are shy. I do feel like seeing a "regrets only" invitation would make me uncomfortable, especially if it was for something I had no intention of going to. And especially if I had to make a phone call about it... and speak to the person if they picked up, and make up some excuse about why I couldn't go. Clicking an evite button would be a lot less awkward. Probably people felt uncomfortable about calling or just didn't get around to it. I feel like the way to go is RSVP, and put a certain date on it so you'll have time to place your order to the caterer. Plan for a few extra anyway. Evites are good because they make it easy and remind people over email if they forgot to respond. It's not that people mean to be rude. There's not as much formal etiquette taught these days anyway; people may be unaware. While I try to be polite, I also feel like the overly formal etiquette system is kind of hostile to people. The message it sends: "I like you! Come to my party! Or else make some lame excuse why you can't. You forgot to tell me you couldn't? Or you brought a date when I wasn't expecting it? You a__hole. Now I don't like you!" It's like navigating a minefield of potential mistakes. For weddings, I was always taught that you don't bring a date unless you're told you can. However, many people in my generation seem to see it that you need a date to the wedding and have to go find one. (which seems to just make it extra miserable on people - IMO, don't go around trying to get a date, just go by yourself and hang out with whoever you see when you get there. If you already have a significant other, you can bring them but only if they're allowed. The only people who have to have a date are the bride and groom.) For my [first marriage that didn't work out], I set up an inexpensive wedding with a lot of things done ourselves, and would have welcomed people - my friends and relatives were too scattered for that many of them to come. I put a blank for "number in party" on the RSVP card. That way, if they wanted to bring a date, they could, but they didn't have to feel like it was required.
$40k for a wedding is crazy and so is inviting 200 guests. Weddings are dumb and boring except for the people getting married. If you are going to invite someone, you should at least allow them to bring someone to make them feel more comfortable. Hell, weddings are boring even if you go with a date.
i feel the same way. there's nothing memorable about a wedding for the guests, unless it's involved more on a personal level. i've been to hundreds of weddings, and the only one i recall anything at all about included a total of 4 guests. we all flew to vegas for their wedding and the bride and groom paid our night out, dinner and drinks, for the weekend.
Generally, when someone has a SO, then both are invited. As rubytuesday posted, it's trying to avoid having someone bring a date (or a friend) just to bring a date.
If you aren't willing to pony up the $$ for a date, don't invite the person. That just seems arrogant as hell to me. Some people are worthy enough to bring a date\spouse\etc but someone else isn't? **** you and get married without me there.
This is the first time I've heard of a "Regrets Only" invite and I have to say it's probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard of.
trust me, a relaxing atmosphere like you guys had is great too. we had something like that at his parent's acre lot (not in town) for our engagement party with bbq, beer his dad brewed, a karaoke machine, pinada for the kids and 80 friends in the houston summer heat. we had a blast! but we wanted formal for the wedding reception. and yes, of course, if you were married, had a SO, even if you were dating for 3-4 weeks, i let them them bring the date. basically the rule is, if i knew you were dating someone (which i know all of my friends and my husband's friends well enough to know if they are), then they are welcomed. but if i had never met them and you were going out of your way to find someone just to bring someone? i did say "no, let's wait til we get our final RSVP and i'll let you know how the numbers look." hey, my friends i said that to are still my friends and if you don't agree with me, don't worry about it, you're not my friend that i would invite to my wedding anyways. besides, it's done...lesson here is, check with the bride and groom if you can bring someone esp if only your name is written on the invite.
Never heard of "regrets only" either but figured it out quickly. But then again, if the invitation said what Giddyup said it did: then maybe I wouldn't have. RSVP does seem more effective. Neither was is going to be totally accurate. With RSVP at least you know the minimum of who is going to be there. Then you can overbuy, expecting additional people to show up. You risk running out of food or maybe having a little extra. With Regrets Only, you only have confirmation of who isn't going to be there. Just like you can't expect only people who RSVPed to show up, you can't expect all the people who didn't reply to show up either. So now you wonder if you have to underbuy and it just becomes complicated. Off the top of my head, I can't think of another situation where confirmation is obtained by a non response. If you're coming to my party, don't tell me anything. It's just weird because you're asking the people who are taking the initiative to come to the party to do nothing and the people who are too lazy to come to take the initiative to respond.
The first time I heard of "Regrets Only" was back in March. I didn't get it at first but after a few min, I did! I think RSVP would have been a better method.
That's what struck me as odd too. You're putting the burden on people who aren't coming. Seems like it should be the other way around. This is a new concept to me, and I am indeed over the age of 12.... On the bringing a date to a wedding issue, man, that's a tough one. My wife and I struggled with that one in the months before our wedding. I thought it was OK but my in-laws (who were paying for the whole thing) didn't. Like rubytuesday said, by "date" I mean someone besides a spouse or SO. Those were fine. I'm talking about my buddies who wanted to find a date just for the wedding. On the surface, it seems rude to look down on this, but if it's a formal wedding where the costs are like $80 per plate, I can see where the person paying the bill doesn't want to have 20 people bringing a casual date just because they can. That can add up FAST.
I agree. People can say it's an okay thing to do, but the bottom line is it's rude. If you're too cheap to let them bring a guest, then don't invite them.
I'm laughing at the guys getting their panties in a wad over not being able to bring a 'date' to a wedding. WTF would someone want to come to a wedding with you for someone they don't even know? While you guys are saying it's arrogant for someone to invite you but not want to allow you to bring someone along....and that you wouldn't even want the invite if you couldn't bring someone...I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to invite someone to my wedding that would only come if they could find some random person to bring just so they won't be completely bored. It doesn't make sense. If you don't care enough about the people that invited you to the wedding, just don't go...
I'm with you on this..........there's a LOT of people out there who have no problem spending someone else's money. But I guess I always knew that..........
There's something egotistical about "regrets only." It's like you just expect that everybody you invite is dying to come to your party and they would only miss it because something extremely important has come up and that they regret that they can't make it. Trust me, the people who didn't respond did not "regret" missing your party. RSVP is the only way to go. I'm speaking in general terms btw.
giddyup, you threw a lawn party for your neighbors and 50 families show up? 50?! that sounds like a lot of people.
