Why would I want to tell you my most embarassing moment? It's embarassing! I keep that **** to myself!
Giving a speech in a first year communications course with a leak spot on my pants. One shake too little.
Actaully, my most terrifying moment was the first time I was meeting all my ex's friends. It was a costume/murder mystery party and I was having to go around and talk to people to try and find out who the murderer was. So, I'm already freaking out because I don't do well talking to people without a buffer around like the girlfriend or other friends. So, when we get to the party, I take a piss and the same thing happens. I think I sat in the bath room for 20 mintues wondering what the **** to do. Ugh.
Hahaha...nope. Oh ****, I forgot one (another one to do with piss). I was taking a dump at the law firm I worked at in Austin. I was just lounging, reading the paper, and when I was done, I realized that my pecker hadn't been directly aimed into the toilet (it was a weird handicapped toilet) and there was quite a bit of piss on the back of my pants. Again, I sat there for like 30 minutes banging my head against the stall asking, "why me? why me?" before getting up, running to my boss' office, telling her I sat in spilled water in the break room and going home to change.
i like to walk out with my hands a bit wet, then wiping them on my pants making sure people see so they think it's just water.
When I was about 13 years old, I was hanging out in the (neighbor)hood with a friend who was a few years older. We we're walking near his house and talking about doing something or other the next day (can't recall exactly what). He went into some spiel about how his Mom wouldn't let him do that because of such and such. I guess I had a chip on my shoulder so I responded by saying something like "I can't help it if you're a 'son of a b****' ". Yes, folks, I actually used it in the right context when talking about my friend's Mom...a person who was always nice to me and I had no right to be saying that about. So, he immediately responded by punching me with his fist in a pretty hard fashion saying "don't talk about my Mom like that!". Then, I was pissed about being punched so as I walked home and got to my front door, I cussed him out for a minute right before I went inside because I knew I was in the safe zone. There was no doubt he could have kicked my ass had he wanted to. When I had a chance to reflect on all that transpired, I knew I fit the label of a punk ass b**** (at least for that day). I took it as a learning lesson of how not to conduct myself in the future. But, given that I still think about it and cringe, it's right up there with my most embarrassing moments. I was just a stupid kid but when you do something like that...it does tend to stick with you over time. In my defense, growing up in middle/high school wasn't easy for me given the neighborhood I lived in. A lot of my friends on my street were two grades higher than me. They were doing things I had no business doing. But, since I was in their circle, I was involved in it and, as a result, I wasn't a role model kid growing up. I grew up a lost faster than I should have and was way too young to be doing the things I was doing. Looking back...I really wish I wouldn't have been involved with them because they really were a bad influence on me. Then, they had brothers who were older that would be hanging around as well. So, brothers influencing younger brothers who then influence their friends. This is not a healthy way to grow up in a neighborhood. If you're a parent and see signs of this with your youngster, then get the hell out of Dodge.
