Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek. I did not expect Ferdinand to come crawling back in here looking to dig up dirt on my life. I took a several-months break from the bbs and figured that would have been good enough to get rid of him, if he wasn't gone already. I guess he's welcome to tell his side of the story in here if he wants. He might misrepresent a few things. Don't want to turn this into a dirty laundry thread, though. The bottom line is, it's over. I didn't mean to slam the "new guy" here on the bbs and should have at least said a few good things about him first. I guess it was just whatever came to mind at the time I read this (I'm really busy this semester and don't even have time to think about what I'm writing anymore). Problems or not, it's still better than my previous relationship. I was good friends with him for a long time before we made it more serious, so it feels like it's been longer than it has. (though it wasn't until after I left Ferdinand) I'm not letting the new guy know where the bbs is. Last thing we need is a three-way fight. (just like those of you who are glad your significant others don't see the bbs) He also got my approval for the emails he sent, and I looked over them before he sent them. My mom's probably right in that there's no point in us interacting with Ferdinand anymore, he will just say bad things about me and try to hurt me, and we won't be helping him see it any differently. So here's your Saturday night entertainment, I guess, for those of you not out doing anything else...
Errr... Didn't you already turn it into a dirty laundry thread with your original post? Can't blame the guy for speaking up for himself when you slam him on a public board. Alsol, do you realize how f'd up that is for the new guy to send those e-mails - especially with you looking over & giving your "approval?" Seems to me that you live for this drama. You could have simply told this new winner of yours to mind his own business, and taken the time to send your ex a simple message: "We're officially divorced now, do not contact me ever again, even with cards, etc." That would pretty much have done it.
OK, I think I've figured out the true relationship advice for everyone on this bbs... Do not post your relationship problems on this bbs, especially if anyone in your real life knows who you are on the bbs, OR vice versa. I know it's tempting when it's 2 in the morning and all your friends are asleep. It is not worth it. People will only see a tiny part of the big picture from your words on the Internet, it will only be from your perspective (or the other side's perspective as the case may be), and your interactions and relationships in real life are more important than the ones on the internet. Besides, a lot of them will just see it as entertainment, even the more "mature" ones, no matter how it feels to the people at the center of it. Too much "reality" TV and voyeurism in our society, maybe... but I digress...
That is definitely a possiblity, and one I can't say is wrong. But at there is another option. If it is possible, you could come into it knowing that a certain percentage of posts are going to be those kinds. These people don't really know each other so its hard for some to not take it lightly. With that foreknowledge, you might be able to expect and disregard those posts, and look toward the other ones. So both choices will take care of the problem of the entertainment seekers. Either don't post, or post knowing that you will weed out many posts in order to find some that are worthwhile to you. Of course that only takes into account one of the problems you mentioned. The one about two people knowing each other and both viewing the website, that is something different. As for Ferdinand and his tactics of saying that you weren't doing your duties as a wife or fullfilling your vows or whatever, that's another matter. Ferdinand had his heart broken. He was in pain. It was a blow to an already lowered confidence level. So that tact is actually more for him than to hurt Isabel(though that is a secondary intent). If he can say "I am being left, and someone doesn't think I am good enough for them to put in the work to make to sort things out, but at least I didn't give up on th relationship. I did what a good husband is supposed to do according the roles defined by a particular faith. No matter what else happens I did that." It makes Ferdinand feel better to think that while he may not have been able to make ISabel happy he did something right. And it was something that in his view Isabel couldn't do right. So in a relationship where it probably seemed like she was doing more right, he still has that to hold on to. It is a twisted view that Ferdinand has, and it purely subjective, and not entirely accurate, but it leaves him something to hold on to, and something on which to anchor his shattered confidence. It also helps by assigning blame to that one thing, rather than deal with the issues that made Isabel unhappy in the first place.
