What would it take to cut a family member out of your life completely?

I am from a large Italian family with plenty of screw ups but only 1 has managed to be essentially "kicked out" of the family. It is an uncle of mine. My grandparents were in some problems financially, so my Uncle offered to purchase their house from them. The problem is that he was only willing to pay $400,000 and it was worth over 1 million (my grandparents are not rich, they just happened to buy a house in the bay area 50 years ago for very cheap and it is not worth a lot). Long story short, my uncle lost his job and was unemployed for 2-3 years and ended up kicking my grandparents out of the house so he could sell it. This of course forced an 87 year old man and an 80 year old woman to move from their home of 50 years to my parents house in Texas because they were essentially homeless. My uncle has 2 parents, 7 siblings, 2 children, an ex-wife, and 18 nieces/nephews who no longer speak to him.

 

The only family I care about are my parents and siblings. Forget the rest. Blood is too thick and I will die for these people.

 

I would have to say that I didn't have the greatest relationship with my dad. It has only gotten better since I have gotten married and had kids. But there was a time where I felt that I probably wouldn't miss him once he was gone. But now I know differently and it is going to be hard to not be able to talk to him anymore. Even my sister who I am not close to at all will be missed by me once she is gone.

 

if you have kids and any member of ur family sexually molested or raped ur offspring.
sleeping with ur wife is a killer but not a complete deal breaker for me. prolly cause a 20 year lull.
being abusive to ur kids is just about the only thing that would warrant cutting them out imo... crack and meth r some pretty good reasons as well.

as far as ur father goes, he's 70 and YOUR Dad. you're gonna regret cutting him out, especially after he is gone. just ride it out until he's gone. sometimes we have to set the standard for maturity and love with our parents.

 

you sat that now but believe me when they are gone you will regret every argument you ever had

 

I have a pretty big family, 3 older brothers and sisters. I believe if parents were to get a divorce, my dad would most likely be cut out. He has a horrible addiction to gambling and my mother is trying her best to tough it out but the man is arrogant as hell and will never learn. I love him but he does not seem interested in having a close relationship with anyone.

 

First, don't listen to people who talk about family values like its some cheesy archaic sacred cow. They're likely bitter people who didnt have a good family life. Or they were brought up by bitter people. There are exceptions like foster home children and abused children. Its still important to maintain your blood bonds. BELIEVE me, I was ONE of those pessimists until my dad passed away. He was no saint, I didnt cry at his funeral. But I miss the old coot, thats undeniable.

At the same time, family members are not exempt from having to EARN respect. They're not 110% entitled to unconditional love and support. Kids demand unconditional love from their parents until they're adults. Everyone else its mostly voluntary or contractually agreed to. If they're scheming you or doing bad things to you, you have a right to cut them off. You dont have to be a self righteous ass about it, but its a cold part of life that ultimately people dare you to "let them die off". But you cant go down with that person. Its unfair to our short life that people bring you down in their own destruction.

All in all I'm saying cut him off if you must. But don't be bitter, you're betting off being constructive with the experience in telling knuckleheads who take their GOOD parents for granted to wise up and be appreciative.

 

I cut my sister off earlier this year. She's a complete self-centered b!tch who caused nothing but drama and heartache for my wife, son and me.

I didn't make some definitive statement like 'you're dead to me'. I just told her what I thought of her and that I didn't want her around until she grew up.

It's like Shroopy said- you have to earn or keep respect, no matter what your relation is to someone. I hold people in my life to a pretty high standard because I treat them pretty darned well, too.

 

A sharp pair of scissors?

DD