You sound a lot like my boyfriend (7 years) with the whole "don't take **** from anyone" attitude. We get into arguments about the same stupid stuff. I nag him about some of his habits and he thinks I'm trying to stifle his personality or something. He gets angry and starts acting like an *******, I get mad and then things escalate from there. The things I nag him about are bad habits that I am hoping he will eventually drop as he gets older. They're all things that I feel have or can have a negative effect on his life and I feel like I'm only looking out for his best interests. I feel like I'm pushing him to become a better version of himself, and it has worked in many instances. She probably feels the same way, even though she is misguided wrt the smoking thing. I think your solution to that problem is to drop your kid off at Grandma's, make your wife a nice dinner, then finish the night off with some very special brownies and season 1 of Weeds. Maybe her perspective will change.
Your wife is right. Drop that weed. It won't get you anywhere. <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_1phPovdIto&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_1phPovdIto&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
i'm guessing you don't smoke now, and probably experienced with it before a long time ago, it's easy to give up, i haven't been smoking for 6 years, but i like it. it really helps me to relax and see things in a lighter, more sensible way. it doesn't make me paranoid, it doesn't make me dumb, it just kinda chills me out. and i don't do it often like i've said. yeah, i'm going back and doing it right, but she won't know. what she doesn't know won't hurt her. as far as compromising, trust me, i'm trying. but we're so different, she's so good. good character, honest. while i'm the complete opposite, i suppose it's growing up on the streets, i know it's a cliche, i mean i wasn't homeless or selling crack, but i did spend much of my youth with friends (maybe the wrong crowd) rather than at home or church, church groups, christian camps, etc. compromising with her is to give up a lot of my beliefs, and it's very difficult, i think that a lot of people would say that smoking is not a big deal, that most people do do it, doctors, our former president, etc... i'm willing to compromise, as long as she is willing to meet me halfway. on all issues including smoking.
she's smoked before, we went to thailand, phuket and smoked on the beach watching the sunrise and sunsets, it was great. she loved it. it was ok, until i started hiding it from her. she was pregnant and i didn't want her to think that i was smoking, but really i was smoking because of the stress. but she couldn't smoke and when she found out that i was hiding it from her, then she wasn't alright with it. now she's completely against it. which is good, because like you said she just wants the best for me and the family. i understand that, but if i smoke on my own time, when i'm not around her or my daughter, i don't see a problem with that. brownies, you know, i've never tried that. i've done the evaporation deal... but never brownies. you can send me a batch if you'd like? and yeah, i do sound like your boyfriend from 7 years ago, it's a weakness, but in my head i don't think that. i'm willing to do a lot for my wife, hell i'll give up drinking, cigarettes, gambling... but i don't wanna give that up.
that's not a drug, it's a freakin plant sir. george washington liked it, clinton liked it, and just about anyone you know has experience with it. you've been repped, you're the man. thanks for the advices. i'll write some of what you said down and read it day to day.
you're not willing to give up weed for your wife? that really doesn't sound like you're willing "to do a lot" for her then...
My wife and I have been married for 14 years now. I can tell you one thing, it's been a heck of a ride. Marriage is a lot of work. We have 3 kids and I will admit that if it wasn't from them, we probably wouldn't of made it this far. Just remember to put your spouse first, don't try and fix her problems. Just listen attentively when she has an issue. I can honestly say that I love her more as the years pass. And I thank God we never gave up!
So you are willing to lose a job because you like to smoke pot? Perhaps your company doesn't do random drug testing now, but they may in the future. Also, future job applications may require a drug test. Plus, regardless of how you feel about things, it is currently illegal (I assume you live in a country where it is illegal). To summarize: 1. Your wife does not like this behavior and it is affecting you relationship. 2. It could cost your job. 3. It could handicap future employment opportunities. 4. It is illegal. Exactly who is at fault here?
I have know people who have tried this and thought they could handle it. 99% of the time it never works, ends in divorce..........
Coming in late on this thread but it will be 4 years for me and my wife at the end of this coming May. Communication is obviously the biggest factor but I would have to say patience as well as knowing when to read your spouse. There have been many times when I was in a bad mood about something or my wife was and it wasn't because of each other, it was due to something else. Yet, we took it out on the other or got pressed about it and as a result, a fight and argument took place when it could have been avoided in the first place. Marriage has been the hardest thing I have ever done but it was something that I wanted more than anything. Anything worth having takes some hard work and that is what a good marriage is about - it takes hard work. Living with another person, especially a woman isn't the easiest thing to do in the world. If you are not ready to give up a lot of your free time then you shouldn't get married and definitely not have kids. Another thing that I think is important is compromise but also putting your ego to the side. You shouldn't think that you have to win every argument. Take the high road sometimes -you'll be surprised at how that works out. You don't want to do that EVERY time because then she may run all over you but you will know when to take a stand on things and not back down. But the secret to that is do it in a loving way that shows love, patience, and understanding. If you come across in a belligerent manner, then that is just going to make a potential volatile situation very volatile.
