You know, I think that is a pretty novel idea. Even having kids it seems like you could pull it off some of the time. People need their space, they need down time. Seems like it would help a marriage go the distance.
never raise your voice. women are pretty irrational, so you need to stay calm and keep it rational. otherwise it will just escalate dont be selfish. if you are doing all the cleaning, cooking, etc don't keep score. both people are doing plenty of stuff. you just dont realize it. especially with kids. communication is key. you might consider some marriage counseling if you have got to this point
If someone wants to cheat, they'll find a way. Whether you're living together or not. Best to just have realisitic expectations in the first place. Making them be monogamous by keeping them under lock and key at your home, when they obviously are not 100% into you, is just going to create bigger problems than an affair.
agreed. there's such a social stigma with it, but two secure people could do it and i think it would really work well. especially for double-income-no-kids.
when I pitch the idea of an non-traditional marriage (not living together, open relationships, etc) to people, they freak out and act like I have some kind of mental disease. it is funny to me that all of this is basically rooted in personal insecurity and for some, moral righteousness.
exactly. and it's impossible to undo those societal expectations in others, but you can do it in yourself. what works for someone and makes them happy shouldn't be looked down upon. it's like if you don't fly into jealous rages over your relationship, people look at you like you have horns growing from your head or something.
In the novels of Patrick O'Brian (Master and Commander is the first), one of the main characters... (don't read spoiler if you haven't read the superb series, as it's an important part of the story arc) Spoiler spends several volumes pursuing a beautiful woman, marries her, and they choose to live in separate residences, he keeping his bachalor flat in London, where he can happily dissect wombats, or whatever the ardent naturalist/spy has an interest in, but sometimes spending the night at their large house, also in London. She staying at the house and leading an active social life, in which he has no great interest, but sometimes participates in because he loves her, while ignoring the fact that she sees the physical act of sex as being purely for pleasure (except with him), having a tumble when the spirit moves her with a man who's attractive to her in a physical way, with discretion... in short, she acts as men often do, scandalous during the era, the physical act having no effect on her love for him, or vice versa, just as she puts up with his often exasperating behavior. Works for them, for the most part.
She is. This was the hardest thing for me to grasp, but once I did, we were both much happier: you must come to the realization that your life is no longer exclusively your own. She is invested in you, committed to you for life and, as such, has a say in what you do with your life. And the same thing applies with you for her. In many ways, you are no longer two individuals. What one does DIRECTLY effects the other, so you both have a say in almost all decisions. You need to get past this mindset. You're thinking about the individual before the marriage, and you are no longer an merely an individual. If you can't put the marriage first, you are in deep, deep trouble.
For a man, its marrying someone that you think is out of your league or the best you will ever going to get. If you think you can actually upgrade, your marriage is doomed.
i'm reminded of a line from bill maher: "men are only as loyal as their options." i just think humans should stop fighting their natural instincts when it comes to sex.
