Yeah, you are probably right. And that is a huge turn-off to girls, I think. Guys need to show self- control (just like Isabel has been saying) and they will do better.
But if the end goal is to get laid then the display of self control is really just a ploy. If the situation is that the women doesn't really want sex the guy practicing self control is only doing it with the hope that he can win her over for sex. Its another mind game. I'm not saying we need grab women or say "Hey baby I wanna get laid. NOW!" but you can be direct and tactful. I've gotten to the point where I think being honest about what you want is the best policy. While a lot of people might be turned off by that in a relationship I find it saves a lot of problems later on.
It may be a mind game with some guys, but at the same time it shows maturity and self- control, which is something women look for in a man. If you can wait for sex, then you are probably better suited to a long term relationship, because it shows you have some good qualities- control, patience, ability to listen, etc. If you just go up and say, "I'll be honest, I just want sex," I doubt it will work. But I wish you luck! And I hope to see a post about it!
First off, I also want to echo the last bit in Batman Jones' post. I'm sorry you're unhappy, Isabel, and I'm also rooting for you to get through this. I don't know how you felt about saying this out loud, but I applaud you for admitting this to yourself. If this is something you're truly scared about, it takes A LOT of courage to deal with it face to face, and I respect you a lot for beginning the process. Like others have said, I think the main thing you need right now is to spend some time with yourself and learn to tame this fear or come to terms with it. It sounds to me like it's inseparable from your relationship issues. I've brought this up before, but if you're not seeing counseling or getting some sort of reliable support from a pastor or a professional, you really should consider it. These are significant issues you're struggling with and I think being able to work together on it over a period of time with a counselor can be instrumental. I have a good book that I think you might find relevant. It discusses a number of things that others have echoed in this thread along with other points I think you may find applicable. The only potential downside is it's geared to Christians, and the Christian worldview references may be a turnoff if you don't share them (I'm only marginally Christian myself). However, the authors are professional psychologists and the principles they discuss are right on in my opinion, whatever your faith. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...f=sr_1_2/104-2544909-6150338?v=glance&s=books Some other books by the same authors you might also consider: Boundaries in Marriage Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You I think we struggle with some of the same issues; like I said earlier, I am rooting for you and I hope things get better. I also have full confidence that you can get yourself through this.
You know what? You should just accept your fate and sleep with the guy, obviously he finds you attractive and at this stage in your life, really now, who are we kidding? You're running out of options, just take it for what it is, rebound sex, and move on to a real guy after you stop being so frigging emotional over your ex. If you sleep with him and feel cheap afterwards, at least it will be something different than depressed, and if you feel good afterwards, hell more power to you then. It's a winning situation for everyone.
I'll chime in on this one... You can't be just friends with this guy. He wants more and will do anything to get more. About 2 months ago.. i started dating this girl who had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship. We clicked and things happened. 3 weeks into it, she decided she was getting "emotionally attatched" and cut it off. So for a few weeks, we tried to be friends, but it was too awkward and we ended up hooking up a few more times(damn alcohol) . Now, we are finally coming around. You have to make it PERFECTLY CLEAR with this guy that you don't want anything else but a friendship. If he can't accept that then he needs to go. Are you giving him signs that you do want him there even after he told you that he will keep making advances? It seems like you are putting yourself in a self-destructive situation.
Wouldn't it be interesting if this Mystery Man were posting on a BBS somewhere so that we could see what he observed and what responses it garnered? I wonder if gay men have this kind of problem with one another?
That is true and I'm not saying just go up to women and say "Hey honey lets go slam bellies!" What I'm saying is about being clear what you want and what your expectations are. It seems to me the main issue of this thread is about expectations between a man and woman not matching. The woman wants emotional support but not sex the man wants sex and emotional support. My point is from the man's POV just be honest about wanting sex and if its clear that's not what the woman wants move on rather than try waiting her out in case she changes her mind. We are sexual beings and there are plenty of women who want sex also so it strikes me as just as another mind game if you think by waiting her out you can bring her around to wanting sex if that's not what she wants. This doesn't mean you expect to get sex right away and if it doesn't happen by the 3rd date you're out of there but somewhere in those early dates making it clear that you eventually you would like the relationship to move in that direction. If she is willing but wants to wait that's fine as long as she's aware that that is where you want the relationship to go. That's different than if she really doesn't want sex at all and is just looking for some emotional prop. As I said there are ways of being direct but tactful. Every situation with every woman is different and what I find works for me might not work for other guys and certainly doesn't work for every woman. I'm not going to say like Another Brother that it is easy getting laid and I'm not having sex left and right. What I will say is that this attitude has worked for me a few times and I find it far less frustrating than engaging some sort of mind game. Sure there are women who are put off by it but there are also women who appreciate men who are clear about what they want.
That ain't true. I'd rather have a bunch of women as friends than guys. Guys are great for sports and get-togethers in front of a big screen or moving furniture. Them wimmin-folk are great for pretty much everything else...
This is true. My objective is to find a good female friend in the next week who is an expert horticulturist. How long does it take to make a friend and get them to do your gardening?
