AB I think your experience isn't that common. The reason why guys put up with a lot of stuff to get laid is that for many men its not that easy to get laid. If it was there would be a lot less threads like this. Amen brother. Amen..
This might be a pretty good assessment of the situation. (maybe I'm just saying that because I'm hoping that he wants more than just to get into my pants. He claims that I'm not just a piece of meat, and it's against his religious beliefs to go screw around. On the other hand, I'm not sure which head he's thinking with right now.) I'm not trying to use him, and I have been concerned about that. I'm not sure how much he has emotionally invested in this. Like most guys, he has trouble expressing that. I wasn't especially attracted to him at first, but that is gradually changing. I don't want to be too attracted to him because I don't know what's going to happen. I am trying to keep an emotional distance, but it's not easy. I do have a feeling he's pretty vulnerable right now himself. That's how I got back into this. We were hanging out talking for a while, things hadn't gotten too crazy, everything was fine, then he started bringing up some stuff he was trying to work through. I was trying to make him feel better because I really did care and I didn't want him to go through it alone. I feel too protective of him by now. Of course, I'm too nice. Then you know how it goes. They want a hand to hold. Fine. They want a hug. Fine... I guess... then what do they want? It just starts escalating from there. We probably are emotionally entangled as well by now whether we admit it or not. And I know I need to watch it right now... I keep telling him that. I just wonder why it's so hard for him to back off. (hormones?) Anyway, welcome to rebound central. Desperation station. Not that this couldn't end up being good for both of us... it might be... but what happens when the dust settles? To those concerned about me being a tease: I'm not that kind of person, really. A tease is someone who manipulates guys to get what she wants, or just to feel the power. I'm just a human being who's trying to be honest about the situation. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to get hurt. I'm open about things. It's just hard because I want someone to really care... I'm scared of ending up alone the rest of my life with no one caring. (hey, I'm just being honest and saying what we're probably all afraid of) I guess I just need to work harder on building myself up into someone that people will respect. He feels like I need to go elsewhere to get advice about the Ferdinand situation (true - I just honestly don't know where to go), and that he can't help because he isn't a neutral observer and that he keeps trying to put the moves on me and will probably continue to do so. I don't see why he can't control himself. Honestly. It's not like I'm that freaking irresistible...
Hmm, Nobody noticed that all I did in my first post was copy verbatim what Jeff said in the last Isabel thread. That's right. I'm a blatant plagerist. Oh and look at how I just spelled plagiarist. tsk tsk tsk. I'm a bad, bad young man who needs immediate discipline. But seriously Isabel, If all he wants to do is sit there and paw at your enormous breasts, you should just smack him upside his head with a crowbar and go on a journey to discover the meaning of life, in which you will later write a book about and be portrayed on the Silver Screen by Meryl Streep. k hun?
I noticed. (sorry, I don't do the dominatrix thing, so you will have to get your discipline elsewhere. ) And I'm not letting him near... those right now. They are oversized. I've been trying to wear things that would hide that. I've got enough troubles.
In the immortal words of Britney Spears, "oops, I did it again." But at least this time I'm used to it and we're talking about it...
Shouldn't this have been enough, or is this thread one of those Mars/Venus things where the man/men are supposed to sit back and listen without offering good advice or practical solutions?
I don't know what it is with women that they always seem to want to rush the relationship part, just because you've started having sex together. I think you should start having sex early on in the relationship, and then get to know each other as time goes on. Sex is mandatory, all of the other relationship stuff is just icing on the cake.
Isabel, I feel for you - I really do. From reading your posts on this board, you sound like a great person and would be a great spouse IF you were with the right guy. I think you married the wrong person and instead of cutting your losses early on, you tried to make things work. But all that did was destroy your self-confidence in yourself. Others have said it (I have only glanced at this thread), but you got to love yourself before you can give your love to another. I know, I know, you are just asking about this guy and not really talking about it becoming a serious relationship (at least I am guessing that). What I would do if I was you is first of all, tell Ferdie that there are serious problems going on with your marriage. Have you told him that yet? If he does not want to try to work on making your marriage work by going to counseling, etc., then I would move on, if I was you. You are only making yourself miserable if you think he is going to change and things will work out. If he hasn't changed by now, he won't ever change. Period. Then I would focus on things that give you enjoyment - like friends, family, hobbies, etc. I have met people (mainly women) who feel that they "have to be in a relationship" because if not, they will become an old maid and die. I don't get that. Look at reading "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Peale. I know that any time I get depressed about something, I remember all the good stuff that God has given me in my life and that helps a lot. You may not be religious (which that is okay), but I think you would benefit from doing some meditation/relaxation for a certain amount of time each day. Good luck.
Bottom line is I think you need to clear your head before you even TRY to enter another relationship, even if it is just for sex (pretty much what Jeff has said).
