This was brilliant. Read it twice, maybe three times. I agree 100%. I'll tell you something. I'm a relationship junkie. I have always fallen very quickly and ended up in long relationships that ultimately didn't work. You know what? Not this time. No way, Jose. I've made that mistake already...several times. I'm not rushing into ANYTHING this time around. It goes completely against my nature and I've had to totally change my responses to people, but it is FAR better than ending up in another relationship that is doomed to fail.
Great advice although some people have a hard time with this. I know I would. I was in a horrible, abusive relationship and didn't wise up and get out until I knew I had another one lined up. I didn't cheat but I knew it was a pretty sure thing. Luckily it worked out for me b/c I've been happily married for almost 5 years now. It's just the fear of being lonely and sometimes being with someone you are unhappy with is better than being alone. Sad....but for some very true.
Then learn to be happy with yourself. In both the general sense of self worth and in the physical sense as Batman pointed out. I am having similar frustrations with my sister right now. I will never understand why women have such a hard time understanding that they have strength. Until you take charge of your life and become an active player in Isabel's happiness IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT and you will deserve what you get.
Why can't you keep your hands to yourself when you talk to her? Why can't you be there as a friend? Is there no self-control? You are like speaking a foreign language here. If we did not behave the way you mentioned above, we would have to turn in our man cards.
Time to get out of the hetro game Izzie. Try it on wildside and see if it's really a problem of gender. (and post the pics )
Sorry to hear about your misfortunes Isabel. All I can say is that you will know when you find Mr Right because this will not be an issue.
Thanks for the support. I realize that my current official relationship is probably not going to work out, and I am prepared for that. Just trying to make the transition... As for the other guy, I do believe he cares and is trying to help, but he said that: he was a single guy, he was attracted to me, and I needed to be aware of that. He feels bad for putting the moves on me given that I'm technically attached to someone else, but he seems to feel that he can't control himself and will still try at every opportunity. This is what I don't get. I don't understand why we can't hang out, talk, be friends, work through this slowly. (even if he is desperately horny, which is about the only thing I know for sure right now) I'm trying to set boundaries lately, but it's hard sometimes. He keeps saying he cares about me as a person, and I do believe this, but he seems to have trouble backing off. WTF? It's not like we've gone very far together anyway...
I'm assuming this has already been posted and discussed. But just to be safe.. http://www.laddertheory.com/
Isabel, you need to watch Bring The Pain by Chris Rock to understand everything you need to know about "the friend zone"...
i agree with everyone else (Batman Jones) and primarily, isabel, you need to stop making excuses and asking why HE'S doing these things. it's good that you have told each other where y'all are coming from, but he is human. he should be able to respect you more and do like you ask but that's not gauranteed. it's up to you to do that right thing. you really need to figure out your current situation with your husband on your own or with friends that KNOW you (not a random new guy that is interested in you). then figure yourself out....then things will happen and you'll meet another guy. this method worked for me, then again it wasn't a hubby, just a bf. good luck but you really need to address the bigger problem before you question this new guy for making the moves on you.
Sounds like a rebound play, guy plays the sympathy card and gets into your pants. "Working through this slowly" doesn't get the job done for the rebound move. At the same time, there's something the guy is picking up on to make him think he's got a shot.
Since you have sent a clear message, he should be able to control himself. I didn't know you were married.
