Tips : Dealing with a breakup/ended relationship

NO NO NO !!!!!!!

That is a bad recipe for a major pity party !!

You need to get out and get drunk with some boys, chase some skirt, hit the booby bars......

It will snap you out of it faster than drinking Chardonay and feeling sorry for yourself.

If you can, take a holiday and hit Amsterdam......all will be well then.....

DD

 

The best thing to do is to keep yourself occupied. The hardest times are always in the morning when you wake up and at night lying in bed, when all you can do is think and harp on the relationship.

There are tons of good suggestions as to how to occupy your time, so depending on your personality, choose some.

I agree that going out drinking is a good idea, but DO NOT DRUNK DIAL her!

Also, when you see her, act like you are not depressed at all, but be nice. Distant, but nice. Trust me

 

You need to listen to some Cohen as well as "On the Beach" and "Tonight's the Night" by Neil Young and "Blood on the Tracks" by Dylan. Worked for me.

 

Damn...what a soap opera.

keep us posted.

 

Care to elaborate on why she broke up with you? If it wasn't anything that would completely destroy the relationship, then maybe it's not over.

Either way, if you do start talking again you probably need to make sure she's serious about it and not just jerking you around. If it is over, you may have a tough time working with her since it sounds like you work pretty close together.

As far as getting over the relationship, you've just got to give it some time, and suck it up in the meantime. I see so many people that are completely dependent on relationships, as if they cannot exist on their own. Seems like many people get into relationships just so they don't feel like they are alone. Personally, I think it's best to learn how to exist on your own and be happy first, then worry about finding someone. I think ultimately it leads to a better long term relationship when both people are happy first as individuals, and don't have that dependency or "can't live without you" attitude.

I am single now after dealing with a relatively abrupt breakup that I wasn't really expecting, and it took some time to get over. But before that relationship and now after it, I felt then and feel now like I can exist happily without being with someone. Not that I want to be single forever, but I certainly don't feel the need to rush into anything...I just want to make sure the next person isn't just using me to fill their need to be with someone.

 

Look man..

I'm sure she has a slight feeling of regret, at the minimum (Almost ALL girls do). Which is why she came out and told you she missed you and kissed you.

But don't let this set you back. What you did was great. "Emotionless, polite but distant". This definitely got her thinking again. But the MOMENT you act like you're trying to get back with her, she'll be turned off again. I'm warning you man, don't look too much into the hug and kiss. Act as if it didn't happen. It's better for you. Think about it this way: After she broke up with you, ALL she has to do is hug you and give you a quick kiss?? And that hug and kiss was all that was needed to get your hopes up again? How easy was that?

She shouldn't have broke up with you in the first place and that's how you should look at it. If you act any different than the way you did last time, like showing interest or act like a wuss being emotional, I guarantee you she'll send you subtle messages that "we're just friends now" or "we're not together anymore". In other words, she'll just be rejecting you (without actually saying it) one more time, and soon other dudes will be chatting her up in your face again. I promise this will happen.

 

Ok, reading this. It's clear what happened:

The girl lost interest in your SLOWLY and eventually got to the point where she didn't want to be with you. Of course you never saw it coming because you never looked out for the warning signs. But it was gradual and didn't happen overnight, although it may have seemed like it have.

So getting back to what I said earlier, this is exactly the case when you don't falter and act like a wuss again. What she did was a test, conscious or subconscious, she did it. She's feeling you out, if you bite - it'll confirm her perception of you. In other words, she'll know she made the right decision.

So don't act like anything changed. Act like you're over her already even if you're not (because girls hate when you get over them quickly) and surround yourself with new girls. Even subtly let her know that you've met new girls, without appearing that you're trying to make her jealous. Have girls call you or text you random times throughout the day and she'll take notice. It'll be healthy for you psychologically as you truly move on.

 

Are all these shallow things (drinking, chasing women, "acting" not hurt) really going to do anything for you but distract you? You could also go out and buy a new car.....

You need a new perspective not a distraction from the pain.

Live out your own STRENGTH rather than giving anyone such control over your life.

Do some volunteering. Come face-to-face with someone whose daily life you would not trade even for your current suffering one for and you are on to a cure.

 

The lesson is don't get hooked up with co-workers.

Having a false hope in the back of your mind is just prolonging the inevitable. Being decisive with her will make it shorter. Get even with her by leveling the field of feelings. Tell her that you thank her for the break up because you feel good and free, even if you are lying, and never look back.

Get a pet, a dog, a cat...having something alive beside makes you feel less lonely.

 

Having a decreased libido is natural after a bad breakup. If you can't stay focused on your interests, looking into doing things you've set your mind to in the past but never had the time to do is a good start.

Giddyup's advice is solid. Volunteer and realize that things can look way up from here.

 

I have to agree that you shouldn't bite at the bait of going back with her. It will drive her away further.

I would say don't worry about setting up a show of having other females call and text you, have them call and text you, because it will distract you, and will be good for you to talk with people outside of her, and those that were around your relationship.

You may want to volunteer. It feels good to help others. If she does ask you to call her which she might, tell her you'll need her number again. She may act confused or whatever, but you don't owe her an explanation. At this point you don't owe her anything.

 

Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. Either that or she wants the best of both worlds, being able to play the field as a single and have you to keep her happy too. Which isn't fair to you if you are serious about her and really care.

I honestly don't have any new suggestions for you other than to wait her out. No more touchy-feely unless she specifically says that she wants to be back together. Even hugs. Though it may feel good at the moment keep in mind that it hurts like hell after.

Most of us can sympathize with a break up, but some of us have the good fortune not to have to work with them afterwards. Good luck when you see her next week.