This is NOT a political thread.

The following has absolutely nothing to do with politics, the 2000 presidential race, religion, abortion, drugs, race, government conspiracy, guns, animal cruelty (well, maybe a little), food, living in the bathroom, arena issues, Napster, the XFL, or LHutz's, well, you know what I'm talking about.

In the spirit of topics going WAY off on tangents that have nothing to do with the origional thread -- I thought I would offer the chance to relate a relatively neutral, silly (stupid?) concept to any of the above. Twist this thread as you will. Have fun!

http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/story.hts/entertainment/842193

March 7, 2001, 12:20PM
Hide the cats, lovable space alien ALF is back
By ROB OWENS -- Copyright 2001 Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

The '80s are back on Nick at Nite this week, and tonight the fur will fly. As part of Nick's "Revenge of the '80s" week, a block of ALF episodes will air.

He may be the '80s star with the biggest hair, but he's not alone. Each night from 7:30 to midnight, episodes from a different series are airing. Diff'rent Strokes ran Sunday, Silver Spoons on Monday, Facts of Life airs tonight. 227 is set for on Thursday and Square Pegs on Friday. ALF is the only puppet star in the bunch (if you don't count Gary Coleman). The cat-eating alien starred in his own NBC series from 1986 to 1990, befriending the Tanner family's sitcom-cute kids while terrorizing befuddled patriarch Willie (Max Wright).

ALF has been pretty much out of the public eye since then, but he recently agreed to a phone interview to plug Nick's '80s stunt.

Q: So ALF, how are you doing?
A: I'm fine, considering I haven't worked in 20 years except for a Love Boat incident.

Q: Why do you think work has been scarce?
A: Ageism. I'm 247, I think. We stop counting after 200, much like the Gabor sisters.

Q: Really? Can casting agents tell how old you are?
A: I think so. You know, Hollywood is a very bitter town. Look what they did to Mindy Cohn. You don't see her on television anymore.

Q: Her sitcom, Facts of Life, is also part of Nick's theme week.
A: Oh, boy. Just keep her away from the cake or there won't be enough to go around.

Q: So if you haven't been working in show biz, what have you been doing?
A: Waiting for the phone to ring. I was investing in a lot of bad business ventures, like a pet barbecue and Mr. Gin's House of Chicken and Collie. Nothing exciting, just trying to get into business and raise some free-range kittens, boneless kittens, but that doesn't go over well here.

Q: I know cat is a food staple on your home planet, Melmac, but how does that go over here on Earth? Do you get in trouble with PETA?
A: Pita? That's a nice bread to put a cat on. No, they won't let me do that here; I had to swear off cats.

Q: Do you watch much television now?
A: Once in a while The X-Files to see how far they take the concept. They stretch it a lot, there are no endings. The Weather Channel is pretty good. I watched something on Discovery last night: a documentary on the shovel. Exciting.

Q: Do you ever visit the Tanners, the sitcom family you lived with on your NBC show?
A: No, they're living in Reykjavik. Yeah, I miss them terribly. Actually, I don't see them, so I don't miss them. Ha!

Q: You're not of this world originally, so what do you think of the International Space Station?
A: It's kind of a primitive thing. Once you've grown a few crystals, what else is there to do? The novelty of a zero gravity toilet wears off after a while. You don't know what it's like to have a toilet back up on you in zero gravity.

Q: Any thoughts about writing a tell-all book?
A: I think that's kind of a last resort. I wanted to write a book that would blow the covers off the upholstery business, but nobody went for it. There's a lot of scandal in that business.

Q: What about the ladies, ALF? A big star like you, you must have stories.
A: Let's put it this way, I'm not allowed to date outside my species. I'm a lot like Linda Hunt that way.

Q: You're the only one of your kind on Earth, so there's no one special in your life?
A: I've got a woman who comes in once a week and vacuums me. That's the highlight of my week. Thanks for reminding me.

------------------
Stay Cool...