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The Jeremy Lin Joke Thread!!!

Discussion in 'Houston Rockets: Game Action & Roster Moves' started by heypartner, Mar 19, 2014.

  1. tracymingreedy

    tracymingreedy Contributing Member

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    HAHAHA, this is funny.
     
  2. pahiyas

    pahiyas Member

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    :grin: This thread will not end well or will be transferred to the catch basin or both. :grin:
     
  3. PositivityDome

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    After the Houston Rockets won the NBA Championship in 2014-15, in which Jeremy Lin played a key role in the title winning run, Daryl Morey called Jeremy up to discuss offering him a new contract.

    With big names on the market that year, Morey was excited to retain the young PG at a reasonable price and as such, scheduled a meeting with Jeremy at Yao Ming's restaurant.

    Morey and Jeremy then met and had lunch together, firstly discussing their current on-goings in their lives. Morey told Jeremy about raising a family and Jeremy told him about his faith in the lord. Eventually, Morey finally got down to business and asked Jeremy how much he wanted in his new contract, to which Jeremy replied... "Uh... I need about tree fiddy." "Tree fiddy?" Daryl Morey mused confusedly...

    Well, it was about this time that Daryl Morey realized that who he was lunching with was in fact not Jeremy Lin at all, but instead a 500 foot tall prehistoric monster from the Paleolithic era.
     
  4. PositivityDome

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    One day after a grueling loss in which both Jeremy Lin and Omer Asik played little minutes, the two had a private conversation together in which they discussed wanting to play on another team that would give them more minutes.

    "But," Jeremy said, "I don't know what to do. My contract is not easily tradeable and so I'm basically stuck here in this role for now..."
    "I understand," Omer replied, "This is also my situation... What I don't understand though, is why you never requested a trade like me?"
    "It's just not who I am!" Jeremy fired back, "Besides... I wouldn't even know how to begin that conversation..."
    "It's actually really simple," Asik smiled.
    "How did you do it?"
    "I walked up to Morey and I said, 'A-sik a trade.'"
     
    2 people like this.
  5. Panda23

    Panda23 Member

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    What do have when a LOH is buried up to his neck in sand?

    Not enough sand
     
  6. Haymitch

    Haymitch Contributing Member

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    Jeremy Lin eats a cherry turnover. The baker says Oh, so you like turnovers? We have apple turnovers as well. Lin is like, well I can only have so many baked goods. Game night tonight. Then the baker says Well, that's probably true. How about some to go? Lin, being polite, says sure. I'll take one of each flavor to go. The baker rings up the sale and wishes Lin luck in the game that night. Lin says thanks, and exits the bakery. That night, McHale screams at Lin to stand in the corner of the court when on offense, then benches Lin during the 4th quarter for being Asian. Both the Lin is a joke thread and the Fire McHale thread get bumped on Clutchfans.
     
  7. PositivityDome

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    Jeremy Lin was practicing his 3-Pointers on the court before a game against the Oklahoma City Thunder and was soaked in sweat. Lin had been practicing alone for some time, until Kevin Durant arrived at the arena and spotted him working out.

    "Wow," Durant said walking up to Jeremy, "You're working hard. How long have you been here?"
    "About two hours," Jeremy replied.
    "That's dedication," Durant said, "But why are you working so hard?"
    "Well..." Jeremy started to answer before his voice started cracking and his eyes filled with tears, "I want to be a great three-point shooter... but last year I shot 33% and this year I'm shooting 33%! I tried so hard in the summer to improve but I'm still at the same percentage! I just want to be better!"

    Touched by Jeremy's desire to become a great shooter, Kevin Durant placed his hand on Jeremy's shoulder and told him...

    "Jeremy... I am confident you will be a great shooter if you keep this up."
    "Really?!?" Jeremy delightfully asked like a 10 year old child whose hero had just placed hope in him.
    "No," Durant chuckled, "You'll never be as good of a shooter as me."

    Durant then stole the ball from Jeremy and hit a half court shot while closing his eyes.
     
  8. PositivityDome

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    Jeremy Lin walks into a Bar Exam and passes.
     
  9. PositivityDome

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    After winning the MVP Award in 2014-15, Jeremy Lin was asked what happened to inspire the quantum leap in his level of play.

    "It was Coach McHale," Jeremy stated simply.
    "What about Coach McHale?" The Media asked.
    "Well... during timeouts he would just keep telling us, 'Play harder! You've got to play harder! Rebounds up! Pace up! Scoring up! Play harder!' He said things like this to us since I first joined the team... and honestly, for two years I didn't understand what he was trying to say. I thought, 'Hey, I already am playing hard... I can't play any harder...?' and so the things he was saying just seemed so vague... but this year I understood that it was actually so simple! I just had to play harder than playing hard and score more than I was already scoring! And so I did! And now I'm the MVP, and it's all due to great coaching."
     
  10. PositivityDome

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    After winning the MVP Award in 2014-15, Jeremy Lin was asked what happened to inspire the quantum leap in his level of play.

    "It was Coach McHale," Jeremy stated simply.
    "What about Coach McHale?" The Media asked.
    "I stopped listening to him."
     
  11. yummyhawtsauce

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    LOL ba dum ching. So that's an assist right for the pass?
     
  12. PositivityDome

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    Jeremy Lin was on the highway driving in traffic when he got stuck. Not sure what to do, he called his Houston Rockets teammates for help. None of the Rockets were in a positions to help him though, and so they just gave him advice. "Just do what you always do in this situation during a game," James Harden said. Jeremy Lin then revved up his car and made it jump, flipping over in the process.
     
  13. PositivityDome

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    One day in a Houston Rockets practice, Jeremy Lin asked James Harden how to improve the efficiency of his drives.

    "I have a great first step," Jeremy said, "So I can get past my man on the perimeter at will. But once I get past my man, then the lane clogs up. So how do I get past that wall at the rim?"
    "You have to be smarter," James replied, "You can't just muscle through the bigs in the paint because they're bigger than us... You have to outsmart them."
    "How do you do that James?"
    "Well, firstly, I have to tell you what you're doing Jeremy! Because you drive in a straight line to the basket, so the bigs know exactly where you'll end up shooting from! You need to change that a bit! What you need to do is have misdirection. Left-right-left. That's why I use the euro-step. They don't know which way I'm going!"
    "Yeah... I've seen that. But even still, the bigs still challenge you at the rim right?"
    "They do! But when they challenge me, then I just stick out my arms and throw my head back when I shoot on drives."
    "But wait... how are you supposed to score if you're doing that?"
    "Exactly," James said as he winked, "How am I supposed to score when I'm getting fouled?"

    In the next game, Jeremy Lin shot 26 free throws.
     
    1 person likes this.
  14. Lovemachine2000

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    LOL PositivityDome is killing it! So much fail that it's hilarious.
     
  15. Houstunna

    Houstunna The Most Unbiased Fan
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    Funnies
     
  16. Throttle

    Throttle Member

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  17. Akkuron

    Akkuron Member

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    Dude, give it a rest.
     
  18. PositivityDome

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    Patrick Patterson called Jeremy Lin one day in a fit of tears after his girlfriend had broken up with him. To console PPat, Jeremy gave Pat advice to take his life slow and to not to pick up any girls on the rebound. PPat then said that wouldn't be a problem.
     
  19. redearth

    redearth Contributing Member

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    What's the difference between StayFree Mini-Pads and a couch?

    They're both the same to Lin!
     
  20. Honeybager81

    Honeybager81 Member

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    After Jeremy Lin is traded away, all the Lin haters are feeling so miserable for their unemployment. Without burgers to eat, Dei, King1 develop deep depression, they start hating James Harden.
     

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