The "It's not Yao, it's not Steve, it's not Jeff, it's not the forwards..." Thread

Guys, I know why the Rockets are really struggling. It's not any of the players fault, its not the coaching staff's fault, it's not because of good ol' CD or even tough-times Eddie. These silly threads and posts are getting ridiculous, especially knowing the real reason behind all of the Rockets troubles. It happens day in and day out, sometimes with less blatant results but always with startling regularity. And it began before the season even started.

My roommate was surprised, even repulsed, by my hardcore dedication to the Rockets as I counted down the days to the Spurs-Rockets preseason game being broadcasted on ESPN. I was ecstatic watching us trounce the Spurs, encouraged by the teamwork and selfless play from everyone on the Rockets. In fact, I was so excited, I decided to simulate every Rockets game before it was actually played. I bought ESPN Basketball and took control of the Rockets to see how they'd fare against their daily opponent. And so far, I've simulated every single game, putting it through a rigorous ESPN Basketball test. And therein lies the source of our struggles.

In the simulations, the Rockets invariably devastated opposing teams. Francis regularly put up numbers like 75 points, 27 assists, 20 rebounds, 13 blocks, 12 steals. But for some reason, in real life, he struggled to put up the same numbers, and the team did too. A blowout 150-65 win against the T-wolves never materialized. And yesterday, I realized why the game was so inaccurate. I had the gameplay set to Pro, the second easiest setting, when it should have been set to All-Star against teams like the Spurs and the T-wolves. I think the Memphis, Toronto, and Phoenix losses were just aberrations.

So there you have it. Guys, it is seriously time to stop fighting and having heart attacks because we can't pinpoint the problems with this team. We are all passionate about the Rockets and that's probably why we get so upset and easily fall into heated verbal warfare. So I take the blame upon myself, and I will stop simulating games on the wrong difficulty setting. Hopefully this will alleviate our team's struggles and the Rockets will find their way en route to a 55-game winning streak to close out the season and begin their rampage through the playoffs and eventually the championship. Hopefully people will stop getting mad at each other because their opinions differ regarding our fair team's maladies. It is Christmas after all. And it is just a game. God bless.