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The Greatest Corporate BS Speak

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by Buck Turgidson, Jan 14, 2022.

  1. Buck Turgidson

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    Our best practices will be utilized to coordinate the synergies.

    Please add your own examples of jargon and bullsh!t.
     
    Yung-T, plutoblue11, GIGO and 2 others like this.
  2. boomboom

    boomboom I GOT '99 PROBLEMS
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    Synergy was the first thing that popped into my head when I saw the thread title.

    Anything to do with "the box".
     
  3. Xerobull

    Xerobull You son of a b!tch! I'm in!

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    Reach out to the AVP to put a pin in it in the morning scrum.
     
  4. Jontro

    Jontro Member

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    we are family

    [​IMG]
     
  5. CrazyJoeDavola

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  6. Phillyrocket

    Phillyrocket Member

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    We will align our strategic objectives with actionable customer centric focused key performance measures.
     
  7. Summer Song Giver

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  8. dmoneybangbang

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  9. Xerobull

    Xerobull You son of a b!tch! I'm in!

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    ****ing awesome
     
    plutoblue11 likes this.
  10. Ubiquitin

    Ubiquitin Contributing Member
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    Pain points or pressure points.
    Stakeholders.
    Moving forward.
     
    plutoblue11 and Buck Turgidson like this.
  11. Buck Turgidson

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    That basically closed the thread right there.

    I still want more personal anecdotes.
     
  12. Dr of Dunk

    Dr of Dunk Clutch Crew

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    I was going to contribute, but this pretty much was my life for over 2 decades. I'd sit with co-workers coming out of meetings with people like this wondering what in the hell was just accomplished. I don't remember hearing the term "action item" in the that video, but I'll forgive them. They pretty much got everything else.

    I'll just add that pretty much any "mission statement" is BS. If it's not making money as quickly as possible, it's probably not part of the mission. lol.
     
  13. Buck Turgidson

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    Please do.
     
  14. MadMax

    MadMax Contributing Member

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    People inquiring on my “bandwidth” to take on a new file
     
  15. Dairy Ashford

    Dairy Ashford Member

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    But let's take it offline for now and run the traps.
     
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  16. Dairy Ashford

    Dairy Ashford Member

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    "We were prosperous without income taxes before 1920, MLK day is the only holiday named after a person, and Bill Clinton is the first black president because he cheats on his wife with white women and doesn't pay taxes. (cc: black coworker)" - Interoffice emails when boomers run out of stand-down meetings, Fibonacci based deliverables difficulty ratings and corporate jargon.

    "Please accept this joke in the spirit in which it was given."
     
    plutoblue11 and Nook like this.
  17. Haymitch

    Haymitch Custom Title
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    "We are one ______."

    Where the ______ is the company's name. That's been a saying at the 3 large employers I've been at.
     
  18. Os Trigonum

    Os Trigonum Contributing Member
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  19. DonkeyMagic

    DonkeyMagic Contributing Member
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    Automate the system in order to harmonize reporting efficiently and optimize our resources
     
  20. Buck Turgidson

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    This thread needs a paradigm shift.
     
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