The Clutchfans 'Speech to Entertain' Project

Search for story time with mlwoo

 

how can you convey someone else's funny factor if you yourself are not funny?

 

I have some funny stories but I'm not going to tell you just so you can spice up your speech.

What topic is your speech on?

 

So you want to buy some Kramer stories and pass them off as Peterman's?

 

Or maybe have his funnier friends purposefully act dark and mysterious so that he'll stand out as the funny one in the group, although this can backfire if the ladies you're trying to impress go for the dark and mysterious type.

 

high school crowd means it has to be appropriate for school?

whats the point of the event?

 

Starting your Stand-Up career with a Open Mic night?

 

you can tell them the story about this guy who needed salt or sugar delivered to his house and started a thread about.

 

<object width="480" height="295"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/uK2jaPQwCRI&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/uK2jaPQwCRI&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="295"></embed></object>

 

Just research the history of the polo shirt. You'll have the entire class in tears, with both comedy and also the eventual, obvious tragedy.

 

This one time I was driving on 1-75 near Dayton, Ohio, with my friend and girlfriend. We turned off the highway for a rest and refreshment stop. My friend and g/f went into the restaurant. I suddenly felt the need to stretch my legs, so waved them off ahead saying I'd join them later. I bought a soft drink, and as I walked toward a Dairy Queen, feelings of self pity enshrouded my mind. I loved the Lord and my ministry, but I felt drained, burdened.

My cup was empty. Suddenly the impatient ringing of a telephone nearby jarred me out of my doldrums. It was coming from a phone booth at a service station on the corner. Wasn't anyone going to answer the phone? Noise from the traffic flowing through the busy intersection must have drowned out the sound because the service station attendant continued looking after his customers, oblivious to the incessant ringing.

"Why doesn't somebody answer that phone?" I muttered. I began reasoning. It may be important. What if it's an emergency? Curiosity overcame my indifference. I stepped inside the booth and picked up the phone. And before I could utter a word I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cat was rare, but I thought Nah forget it, Yo home to Bel Air.

 

come on, only keanu reeves answers a ringing public phone booth. This story never happened.
=)

 

Nice. LMAO.

About a year ago, I was living up in Washington state and one night me and my buddy went to Outback Steakhouse. The town we lived in was about thirty minutes from where Outback was, so my friend drove. On the way back it was normal Washington crap weather and we saw this kid walking down the road with a seabag. For those that don't know, a seabag is the big green duffel type bag sailors and soliders get issued in boot camp.

Well me and and my buddy are in the Navy so we figured he was heading to our base so we stopped to give him a lift. Well he thanked us, threw his bag in the back and got in. When he threw his bag in though, it sounded a lot heavier than it should be, so my buddy was curious. Well the kid was real quiet and would basically give one word answers to everything we asked. It was weird.

So after a little probing, my buddy went ahead and asked what was in the bag. With no emotion, the kid turned around and said, "Kiss my *** and I'll tell you."

At first we weren't sure he just said that, so there about a minute of awkward silence. My buddy asked again, the kid again with a totally straight face said, "Kiss my *** and I'll tell you."

My friend tried to be patient and told the guy how far the walk was and we were trying to be good to our fellow servicemember. He explained that if the guards at the gate wanted to do a random search, he wouldn't want to be caught with anything in the bag that shouldn't be there.

By this time, I'm trying not to burst out laughing because my buddy was fuming. He asked him one last time.....same response. Still about fifteen minutes drive from the town, my boy went ahead and pulled over and shouted to the guy to get out.

Well when the kid got out he went to the back of the truck and as he reached for the bag, my friend drove away before he could get it. So we left him there and took his bag. Haven't seen him around since, but it was a weird encounter.

Talk about strange people out there!

 

Sorry, I usually like to help out young guys out here but this is your assignment. I will give you some advice though. Think about something that you find funny and talk about that. Run it by some freinds and family a few times to make see if they like it and go with that.

 

Here's a story that my friend told me, he swears it's true and is crazy enough to do something like this, but I can't vouch for it.

He was 19 or 20 in the early 90s and lived somewhere off 1960. He went deer hunting with some buddies up in East Texas. They hunt Saturday and then get rained out in the middle of the night Saturday Night. Rain filling up their tent and everything. They pull up camp in the rain, throw everything in his Bronco and head back. They get back to town around 3:00 AM. On 1960, they spook three deer that start running along the road, in what was then a developing commercial area. My buddy yells at his buddies to wake up. He has a police spotlight mounted on his Bronco that he turns on, and tries to spotlight the deer. His buddy grabs his rifle, rolls down the back window and shoots at one of the deer, while they're slowly driving down the road. He misses badly, and hits the road behind the deer. The deer spooks and runs directly into the side of the Bronco at full speed, and knocks herself out. They get out, slit the deer's throat and let it die, then bring it back to my buddy's apartment complex, string it up on a tree and clean it.

 

One of my favorite movies of all time.

DD