Stay Unhappily Married or Divorce??

Lol, what are you like 19 years old ~ you have quite a strong perspective on marriage and life in general.

 

I've been meaning to update that thread. I think it's working, but I'm not exactly very happy right now.

Basically, my wife wants to separate right now. She wants to go back to how it was in the beginning, before we made our respective mistakes of which we can't seem to let go. She wants us to start dating each other again. Get the spark back. And this time, we don't make the mistakes we made in the past. This gives us time apart to work on what we want to work on ourselves to make ourselves better people, both for this relationship and our lives outside the relationship. She's also made it clear that this won't mean we can't see each other everyday if we want. There wouldn't be any arbitrary groundrules to the separation.

My wife is a very straight-forward, no bull**** person. She wouldn't say this if her real motivation was to help herself get over me or to slowly move on. I know that's hard for a lot of people on here to believe, but it's the truth. That being said, I'm not excited about this prospect at all. I know how I am. I know that while working on the issues that I want to fix in my life, I will also spend a lot of that time upset that she's not living with me. I'm afraid that it will affect how we are when we do spend time together.

I really don't want to do this, but am willing to give it a try if that's what she wants. One of her co-workers just did the same thing and they're back together and happier than ever.

What I do know is that whatever happens, when we work it out and back to where we should be, I'm going to recommend going to the counselor once a month or so. It's a good lesson in communication, if nothing else. It's so easy to fall into bad communication habits that ultimately lead to bigger problems. Going to talk to someone who will remind you to listen to one another will be very helpful in fostering a long-term healthy relationship.

 

go to counseling pronto

 

RM95 let me know if you need to hang out, medicate and talk.

 

It's not lame to give your opinion on this board, in fact I have done so at about 14,000 times, it's just lame to give your opinion and sound like a total douchebag doing it by judging other peoples lives with your own version of "morality" as a third party, which is the way you came off, chico.

But if you do marry, you have to stay married no matter what because Swoly-D said so and will dream evil thoughts otherwise....

 

Exactly, it's easy to talk the talk when you haven't had to deal with real life. I love how people make it like divorce is this super easy decision that isn't a big deal. Trust me, divorce is NOT the easy way out.

3814 and Swoly and whoever else can judge me all you want. Neither of you judgemental assholes have any idea what kind of situations anyone else has been in. Great for you for having perfect lives and perfect marriages. Once you come down off your high horses, you can both kiss my ass.

Manny, I hope it works out for you but you say one thing about never leaving your wife and then you have a poll up asking about if you should stay in a miserable marriage or get divorced. If this is the kind of thought process that you are having, I'd seriously get some counseling. I really hope it works out for you.

 

Why do some folks get married so fast? I must be one lucky b*stard to have such a beautiful woman with so much patience.

Good Luck Manny. Pray for your marriage man. I will too.

 

Thanks man...I appreciate it.

 

I'm not married...but my parents had a divorce 6 years ago (i'm 21)...they're still b****ing at each other yet they both love each other as well. My Dad is also remarried and my mom is dating the guy who's wife my Dad cheated with to cause the divorce...It's ridiculous.

Anyways...i realize i may have stated my perspective quite blunt.

I do stick with my words...however, I also really truly do wish the best for manny and all of those who are in such a difficult situation. I realize it must be extremely tough to live through. But honestly, I believe if you stick with it and both fight for it then you can find the love that was there and you'll make it just fine.

 

Ya'll are making it seem like I said that if someone is a complete *sshole, you can't divorce them. SH*T yeah, divorce their *ss. If you're just all "we argue this" and "we argue that", then you don't want to fix sh*t, you just want a divorce because that's the American way. WTF M I saying, that's the MEXICO way, too... never mind that argument. Anyway, WORK your SH*T out, freakers. Don't just say "WTF? Who is this b*tch I am lying next to? Oh, yeah, this psycho is my wife..." and divorce. That's stupid.

MANNY... OK, if SHE is the douchebag, by all means DIVORCE her ass. What DID she do, anyway???

Exactly. I knew you'd see it my way.

MoBalls, if you get a divorce, you know she's going to keep the house. In that case, I will continue to mow YOUR lawn.

 

Here's the truth: people make mistakes and have a right to live their own lives. People don't have to be jerks to be incompatible.

 

RM95, sorry you're going through this. I truly hope everything works out for the best.

 

wow.

this is the first time in my 4 and some years at this board that i have ever seen you as a prick.i know i can sometimes be perceived this way, just never realized that you could be such an ass.

 

The only way I could see myself getting a divorce would be if my husband had an affair. That would be inexcusable. I would divorce his ass so fast his head would spin.

That is the only thing that scares me about marriage. Being cheated on. I know a couple men who have been cheated on, and have gotten a divorce. Not saying that situation is less painful, but nothing incenses me more than the thought of a woman bearing 3 or 4 of her husband's kids and then him cheating on her with a younger, more attractive woman. That thought is the only thing that makes me nervous about marriage, family, kids, etc.

I feel like I've found the right person, one whom I love very much, but it doesn't stop me from having reservations about marriage.

 

Did you not know that she had a daughter before you married her?

The way I see it, if you're planning on spending the rest of your life with someone that has kids from a previous relationship, you better make sure you love those kids as much as you love the person you are planning to marry.

 

Yeah its totally different when a man does it. Of course you aren't saying that it is less painful but you sure are implying it.

God forbid a man takes care of a woman for years and she screws around on him when he has built his life around her and the idea of them being together. That isn't nearly the same because he didn't bear the children.

It also isn't the same when the man doesn't get to see his kids everyday because the legal system in our country doesn't afford a man the same rights as a woman. To add insult to injury, they let the woman have everything that the man has worked his entire adult life for because she should be comfortable since she has the kids.

So then not only do the men have to rebuild their lives, possessions, and not be able to have their kids but they get to pay that same w**** who destroyed their family and lives a quarter of every dollar they make.

Of course its less painful for a man because we are men. Those women sure come out on the short end of that stick. I'm glad I don't have ovaries.

 

you're a good man, charlie brown.

still in my prayers.