Hmmmm, touch a nerve did he? You know he's most likely Catholic right? (mexican stereotyping?) I see both sides: You shouldn't take marrige lightly, going in to it or getting out of it. When you get married you need to understand you are in for a lot of compronise, you are going to do a lot of things you don't want to do and put up with a lot of crap you don't want to out up with. You are going to have to forgive and forget some big ticket items. Your wife will too, make sure she knows exactly who you are and what you want (p*rn, laziness, football, nights out etc etc.) If you get to the point of divorce you and your spouse will experience a lot of damage, it's gonna hurt. But, people are people, they do make mistakes. Most marriges arise when we are young and horny. A lot of guys will marry the first girl willing to have sex with them, regardless of compatability. A lot of girls will marry the first guy that asks them so they can get out from under certain family situations or because all they want is a wedding or babies. You do only get one trip on the planet Earth, it would be a shame to waste it in profound unhappiness (mildly unhappy however is about normal). The way to stay happily married is to want to. I'm on 32 years. I will admit to a 7 year itch, I had gone back to school and succumbing to the temptation almost got me in trouble, but we both wanted to stay married so we did.
Those of you that think divorce is an easy way out have never gone through a rough divorce. Sorry, but you can't lump everyone in the same boat. Things happen in life and things change. I'm once divorced with a child and have now found my soul mate.
Dude. I asked you as a favor, and I even said "please", don't call me that. Please. You know what I meant. Why did you even MARRY, if you weren't going to keep your vows? What, is this a game? You can just start over? Dubious, you are right, I am Catholic, but I am not basing my marriage views on my Catholicism. I just think it's an easy way to plug a hole that has been ripping apart, but no one takes the time to fix it before it gets too big. They prefer to just buy another one. LOL Now I am a butthole, MANNY? Nice and mature response . OK, I will take that one. MANNY, I am not even going to argue what you say to me, all I would say to you is work it out... because, if you really love your partner, you or your partner shouldn't leave each other. To all those that think that it is not an easy way out, WHY DID YOU MARRY Why did you even take the plunge? It's funny how you make Government work. I wonder how much they make from divorce proceedings. I wonder if anybody has that fact... WHERE is the love you swore to one another? SUCK IT UP. MARRIAGE is not a game, dudes and dudettes. Why even make babies with or marry a person whom you won't stay with? Pathetic. NEED I REMIND YOU, or did you forget: I , ________, take you ______, for my wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. WHICH PART DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
LOL, so let me get this straight, other people should have to live the rest of their lives in misery because of your fanatical aversion to people admitting that they aren't perfect and might have made a mistake? I'll also tell you, being a man and admitting that you might have done something wrong and taking steps to change your life for the better, no matter how painful they might be, is not the "easy way out" by any means, the easy way out is deciding that it would be too difficult and staying in the same rut. Why don't you ask some of the posters here who have had unsuccesful marriages how "easy" it was? Chill out, stop being so judgmental. If people are happier and better off getting a divorce (which many are) then it's very selfish of you in particular to condemn the rest of their lives based on your own preferences even though it has zero effect on you either way.
SamFisher, did YOU get a divorce, or did your parents? Or, better yet, how "easy" was your unsuccessful marriage? That's a rhetorical question. Either way, so... I can't comment on MARRIAGE is supposed to be? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be hurtful. I DID, however, meant to tell them the truth. Sorry, man. Nice EDIT, btw.
When you were young and your heart was an open book, You used to say live and let live. (You know you did, you know you did, you know you did) But if this ever-changing world in which we live in Makes you give in and cry, Say live and let die! Live and let die, Live and let die, Live and let die. What does it matter to ya, When you've got a job to do you gotta do it well, You gotta give the other fellow hell! You used to say live and let live. (You know you did, you know you did, you know you did) But if this ever-changing world in which we live in Makes you give in and cry, Say live and let die! Live and let die, Live and let die, Live and let die.
Part of me agrees with Swoly. I just don't really have a strong opinion on the issue, but I do know many people get married for the wrong reasons. I guess people can fall out of love though, which is a really depressing thing for us younger folk who have never been married before.
Neither, fortunately. Nobody asked you to give your pronouncements on marriage, the man was asking for advice, and you appear to be condemning him (and millions of others) outright for the crime of wanting to be happy and not wanting to throw away the rest of their lives for the sake of your idea of principle - that's just plain lame.
SD, things change. What happens when the love is gone for whatever reason, and the only means of communication is to argue and firght? I understand how you feel about marriage. I used to feel that way as well. Things change my friend, and I could not imagine going back to the way I lived before. BTW, after reviewing my application for a dissolution of marriage in the Catholic Church(annulment), the church advocate believes I have a strong chance to be granted a dissolution of marriage. What I've learned through this whole process is that there are situations where a person after marriage is not the person before marriage. Behaviors that are not evident during the "courtship" manifest themselves after marriage vows.
I agree with that completely. I don't want to get into specific details (because it really is nobody's business), but my wife last week did something that I found to be unacceptable behavior. If she had done this while we were dating, then I can safely say that it would have caused us to break up (we might have gotten back together though). When I confronted her with this, she first lied to me and then after admitting that she did it, she tried to place all the blame on me for it happening. I'm sorry but I don't care how much you love me - you are not going to pin the blame on me for something that is your fault! And that is the thing that scares me the most - the unwillingness to compromise. I have always heard and read that marriage is a lot of give and take and I have felt that for the most part, I have been doing a lot of giving and my wife is doing all the taking. Now, we have talked about this and she knows my frustrations with her. She had convinced herself last week that I could leave her at any time. I had to sit down and tell her that wouldn't happen. She would know when things were over (which hopefully it never gets to that point). And I know some people are saying to go to counseling now, but trust me - things aren't really at that point. When we are constantly fighting and arguing or not speaking to each other at all, sleeping in separate bedrooms every night, not doing anything around the house to help the other one out, etc. then it would be time to go seek counseling. Believe me - things could be a lot worse and thankfully they are not and hopefully this latest thing is just a speed bump.
Manny, going to counseling will prevent any of those drastic situations to arise. It seems that there are some issues that need to get ironed out. Don't wait until it's too late.
I meant to ask you if you felt that counseling has helped things with your marriage or it hasn't helped much at all. I don't know guys - I really want to see what happens in the next month or so. We (along with my parents) are going to Gulf Shores, Alabama starting this Saturday for about 3 days. I am hoping that this trip will turn out to be something special and be exactly the thing that we both need. For those that believe in prayer, please keep me in them. Thanks.
It's LAME to give an opinion on this board, huh? Silly ME. Here I was trying to tell people to stay together... how silly of me! Sorry, man! Giving an opinion on a bbs... how silly! MANNY, stay together. It's funny how you say "I don't want to go into details," but then you do. STAY TOGETHER, man. You don't need counseling. If you're honest and come out from here <3 , you can be your own counselor. SPEAK truth, let the other person speak it, too. finalsbound, don't listen to these dudes. If you and your partner love each other and are sure, then marry. If you have some doubts, don't marry.
I agree with Swoly. "til death do us part" yeh...death. not. "til i change a bit and it's convenient for me to back out"...not "til i realize how stupid i am for doing this." it's til death ****ing do you part. damn...what don't you understand about it. you made a freaking commitment. if t-mac were to sign a 5 year contract (commitment) to the rockets and then retires the next day for no reason whatsoever, you'd all be pissed, because of the fact that he made a commitment. i don't quite understand what's so difficult to understand. "COMMITMENT" stick with it - if people can make it work in arranged marriages, surely you can ****ing make it work with someone you once loved. it's just so typical of American (and yes, Canadian) culture though - easy come easy go...whatever's good for me right now is good for me right now. that's why American's on average don't save money and are so damn spend happy on their credit cards. you go in over your head and figure - "what the hell, i'll deal with it later." but seriously...stop doing that **** with marriage. it's not cool. make a damn commitment and stick with it. ...now b**** at me for this post, see what i care.
Manny, I'll say this one last thing and leave you to your decision. You have an idea of what I've been through. From my divorce, to Tara, to almost splitting up with Tara, to now. After Tara and I had a few arguments, we finally had the "big one" and we split up for a very short time. In that time, I went to counseling, and found where many of my issues came from. Surprisingly, many of our issues were rooted in dealing with my ex. After counseling, we still have some issues, but nothing that can't be discussed. If either of you brings in issues to the relationship that the other has trouble dealing with (and not just accepting it even though it bothers you), you should really seek counseling. It can't hurt, only help.
