WHOA. I will have to disagree with that... I am NOT insensitive. I do care how they feel. What do you have to say about divorce, though? I mean, sure, you can be my shrink and all, but... what do you think... stay unhappily married or take the easy way out?
There must have been some good moments in order for people to get married. Is the marriage past that point of no return??? Stick it out a while, I say. See if those initial moments can be rekindled. If not, get a real good lawyer.
That's ignorant to say, but you're entitled to your opinion, vato. Marriage is not a game and sometimes, given the circumstances, there is no other way out but divorce. Not everyone can suck it up and be unhappy...Trust me, I'm reminded every 1st and 15th that I'm divorced... Myself, I tried everything to stay, and did the therapy thing and everything, but it just didn't work out...Does that make me a quitter, NO, but I'm a better person because of it and enjoy being single and happy...
I just got done talking to her on our cell phones. There are times where I think that we will never separate and that the marriage will last forever. But then something will happen (usually in a couple of days) that makes me think otherwise. Look, I (and this is really directed at butthole Swoly) am not looking for an "easy" way out of this. I take very seriously the vows and committment that I made to my wife on our wedding day. As a Christian, I feel that it is my fiduciary duty to stick things out. I mentioned in the other thread that if things continue to get worse that I would have us go to counseling. If she refuses, then I would have a very tough decision to make. Yet, I think I can continue to work on this for another 8 months. After 1 year of marriage, I'll need to evaluate how I feel. If the worst case scenario happens and I do get a divorce, then that is it for me. No more marrying - I'll eventually probably go back out and date but I would not want to ever get married again. One other thing to say - my wife has a 6 year old girl. We don't plan on having any kids. So far, it has been hard for me to develop the bond with our daughter (I feel she is spoiled rotten to the core but that is not really her fault). I'm just not used to spending time around little kids but I guess I am going to have to.
I voted to stick with it but that was based on my situation with kids involved in my marriage. I'm not going anywhere without my kids and I'd never subject them to the hell that was divorced parents that I had when I was growing up. Manny - It's tough being a step parent. I know I put a couple through helll growing up. Good luck in your situation.
manny, i don't like the sound of this. you guess you are going to have to get used to spending time with little kids if you want this to work you need to embrace the situation, spend LOTS and LOTS of time with the daughter. she is part of the package. does she live with you guys? i don't mean to seem harsh here but you will need to be an active part of this child's life, and that means addressing things like her being spoiled, if you are really in it for the long haul.
Depends I think if I was like 55 age range. I'll just stick it out. I mean what options you got??? Well if your loaded than I guess that will work.
ManRam, How long were you dating this woman before you got hitched? Were you spending a fair amount of time as a test-family during the courting phase? I have been married for almost 6 years. What I have learned, is that as a couple, both you and your spouse must work very hard to have a happy relationship. If only one of you is trying, you are doomed. With kids (especially stepkids) involved, that goes double. If things seem like they're going south, keep thinking of the good times you had, and the good times ahead. Remind your wife of what brings you together. And she should also do the same. I know that there have been times where I think that things are falling apart. But after it blows over, and I make up, it just seems like only a speed bump. Also, (and this is the most important), make sure you maintain healthy and frequent "marital relations". And I mean healthy as in "make sure she cant walk for the rest of the day" marital relations. When this goes away, along goes the passion that holds your marriage together.
Manny, I can't really advise you what to do having never been married myself and not knowing anything about your situation. All I can say is that you seem like a stand up guy that is willing to do the right thing, whatever that might be and I admire that.
Agreed. And I agree with thegary. You may have to "let go" of some of the single and personal things you have become comfortable with...and that may require more changes with you than them.
Come on think of the children, stay married and work it out. No children, toss her to the curb before it is too late.
I will admit that I am biased against marriage. I tend to see all of the negatives related to marriage and not many of the positives. Marriage seems pointless to me. Some might look at it as a way to make a bond with your partner that you'll always be together. However, you can always get a divorce. People might have all intentions of staying with their spouse forever when they get married, but sometimes people change. Think about your mentality as a 15 year old, then an 18 year old, then that of a 25 year old, 40 year old, and so on. People change dramatically and, in a lot of cases, I think that the change is a natural progression that happens to all people. The changes we experience in our personality and outlook on life are, in a lot of circumstances, beyond our control (in my opinion). Things happen to us that make us different people. For example, a death of a family member, a dramatic change in physical characteristic (maybe you lose a limb), or maybe even something that indirectly impacts you such as a major political event. In response to Swoly, To say that divorce is simply the "easy way out" is the easy way out from stepping back and realizing that each situation people face in life is different. In some instances, getting a divorce may be taking the easy way out, maybe a person was never seriously committed to their partner and only wanted to get married for sex. What about the guy who is a very conservative person, married his wife, who at the time of the wedding, was conservative herself. What happens if his wife, when she turns 40, has a mid-life crisis and wants to start going out and party/drink all the time? The man shouldn't divorce his wife immediately, he should attempt to talk with her and see what can be done to find some middle ground with his wife on whatever it is that is bothering them, but at some point--especially if he had kids, it might be time to file for divorce. What if his wife simply wont change? Is it the right thing to do in order to subject his children to seeing their mother go out and party every night of the week and neglect some of her duties as a wife and mother? She's not committing adultery or beating her husband, two circumstances that most anyone would find as an acceptible reason to file for divorce, but she isn't being a good wife or mother. Is it really the "easy way out" for the father to seek a divorce and more stable situation for his children if the wife simply won't change her ways? I've never even thought about marriage, and don't know if I will ever want to marry someone, but I think it is probably one of the hardest things any two peple can succeed at...sometimes it just doesn't seem to work out. In my personal life, I have seen people within my family get married and divorced for all sorts of different reasons -- I don't think any of them would consider the experience they went through an easy one.
God, marriage scares the hell out of me... Manny just remember, the hardest year of marriage is the first...
I'm probably wrong anyways...I was just trying to come up with some reassuring words... LOL, i don't know anything about marriage. Carry on. :]
Thanks finalsbound. I feel the same way - I feel if I can make it through the first year, it will get a lot better. However, I understand people like MB who don't feel that way. Hell, my wife feels like that (that the first year isn't the hardest, that it is on down the road).
