Stay Unhappily Married or Divorce??

As far as marrying after only a certain amount of time, my wife and I are going to be receiving some advice from a couple that was engaged less than a week after their first date. They've been married for over 16 years now.

 

what's surprising isn't that she married him after 2 months...it's that Manny married her.

 

This is a pretty sad turn of events. I guess it could be worse. One thing that could have made it worse is if one married a hooker or stripper with a kid. There's plenty of stories about how some guy goes to a strip bar, hooks up with the dancing girl, and ends up marrying her. Then, the stripper turns on the guy and takes him for all he's worth.

I hope it works out for you, Manny. It definitely reaffirms that marriage is never to be entered into lightly. As sure as you thought you were about it at the time, how do you really know someone in that short of a time frame? How long did you live together prior? Plus, some of the comments you've made about this kid of hers is as if your talking about this was just baggage along for the ride. I mean to say...I'm not feeling you as parent-ready...especially with someone else's kid.

Good luck, Manny. I hope it works out for you. Your definitely discovering the "real" her and it doesn't appear you like what you've found. How many stories are there out there about someone who gets married and the person turns out to be not even close to what you thought this person was prior? Some people don't become real until they quit pretending and they can't pretend forever. The truth always comes out. Just one of the reasons to take it slower next time. As far as I'm concerned, if you entered into vows with someone you thought you knew but come to know you really didn't know as well as you thought you did...then that is entering marriage under false pretenses and those vows are meaningless (although not in the eyes of the law).

 

Lazy ass. That's why you're THEIR father. Because you can do sh*t that you think would get them hurt.

 

Of course there are cases that work, you can find that in any situation. But in general, it isn't a good idea to rush it and the majority of rushed marriages don't work out in the long run. Most all relationships are good in the beginning. Once that initial lust fades then the fun begins.

 

We lived together for 4 years before we got married, but that obviously isn't for everyone.


Manny, to tell you the truth, I'm more concerned about your wife's child than either one of you. If you really think you're going to dive out of this, you aren't doing that kid any favors by dragging it out. This is all a brutal thing for a kid that age. Or any age, really, in my opinion.

 

agreed. he keeps refering to "it" as "her" child. it is his child too, no

 

It's his wife's child from a previous relationship (is my understanding)...nonetheless, when you get married you should try and assume the father figure role.

 

hey manny, I skimmed through some of the pages...well the first thing i would have said to you is


"what is causing you to feel so miserable in the first place?"

then i see you make a post where you say its nobodies business...well, in that case, all i can say is this, whatever she did to make you feel bad, it might happen again, in that case would you forgive her and be happy? or would it be the end? because the REASON she did that bad thing, might prop up again and cause her to do it again...ive been engaged twice and noticed patterns repeat themselves...

you either need to accept her mistakes, not be controlling, let her do what she wants and if your not happy with her being her, then you will be unhappy the rest of your life...just skip to about 15 years from now, and imagine her still doing this behavior (which she probably will be) would you want to live with that or not??....if you can, then stay, if you cant, then leave NOW...the more time you invest into something that wont make you happy, the more regret you will have when your older for wasting that much time on her

people do make mistakes, and i forgave my girl for cheating on me, but, she cheated again, and again, so i dumped her and now she misses me, but i got the last laugh....i do miss her and would love to be with her, but that would make me the fallback guy, since the guys she slept with behind my back she like more than me, but they dumped her so she came running back to me, but i said "no"

i had another chic do the same thing, so i decided to communicate with them ask them why they left and they told me i was there for them enough, i was to distant, which i then realized and i grew as a person...which will make me a better man for the next girl, i still stay in contact as friends with one of them, and maybe at some point i will get back with her , but im still scared she will cheat again, because she(like most cheaters) doesnt know for sure what she really wants from a man.....if i was so great then she would have never cheated, but at the same time, im lonely and she still sees me sometimes as friends with benefits....i have debated the last several weeks wether to cut off the friendship or stay friends, but after dating alot of girls since her, i realize i still love her and she is the best woman for me even though she cheated, other than that she makes me real happy, enough to marry her, she blows other girls out of the water,...no girl will be as good as her, the reason i forgave her for cheating is because i was young and stupid and also shes really really hot and has alot of money and no other issues,.....

all i can tell you is every situation is different, and you as manny, need to decide how much you can take, and better yet, is there any girl out there thats better? more likely there isnt...you will be dissapointed, girls are using men and have about 5 boyfriends so if you have a long friendship with your wife , then that will be enough for her to love you and for you to love her...its pick your poison...do you want a wife/friend thats "okay" or do you want to be single and date "losers".....i tried the dating thing, i hated it, id rather stick with my best friend(my ex) even though she cheated on me...i had to overcome my insecurities and jeolousies.....it also helped that i got revenge and got sum poon tang myself...but getting 1 night stands doesnt stop you from missing your wife/divorcedwife .....you will always miss her , it might be best for both of you to have some time apart (like 1 -6 months) and see what life is like again without each other...it might be better or it might be worse....it might make you two stronger or might pull you two further apart, but to live in constant worry or misery the rest of your life is not the answer !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I really don't have anything against people that marry after a short period of time. I am however raising my eyebrow to a woman with a small child, meeting a guy, "falling in love" and WHAM getting married after a few weeks. I have no doubt it is "true love"...but come on...I cannot help but to wonder what kind of woman/mother would do that to her child. In my eyes, she is putting her child in danger by doing this.
I think most of us are adult enough to know and understand that you CAN NOT possible know enough about a person after dating only a few weeks. If you want to go ahead and marry someone if you're single without any kids,,,go ahead!! If, however, you have children from a previous relationship, please, wait with marriage until you are absolutely sure that this is the right person for you and your child.

How would you feel if you and your Ex Wife had a young daughter together and she suddenly decided to marry some dude she’s known for about 8 weeks?

Manny, is this the kind of woman you want to have a child with?

 

why isn't manny replying.

the people have given advice.

 

maybe he has more important things to worry about right now.

 

I'm pulling for you Manny. Hope you figure out the right thing to do.

I'm with Deckard though, don't just think about your wife and your self. Think about her daughter also (which I'm sure you are it's just falling through the cracks of the story with such a hard situation to explain to a bunch of bbs strangers)

Good luck.

 

maybe trader jorge knew what he was talking about.

thats it. no more cds, gifts for me. just strippers in the club.

 

I didn't mean to make it sound like marrying after a week of knowing each other is always a good thing. Just pointing out an interesting story.

 

Manny,

All I can say is, I think you will make the best decision possible. If you are miserable, then find out the root, and deal with it.

It may be hard but I believe that deep down in your heart of hearts, you know what you have to do.

Good luck !

DD

 

awesome stuff, manny!!! that's great.

 

Manny, you're easily one of the nicest people here on the board and I'm glad things are working out between you two, you definitely deserve it.. Keep up the good work!

 

As long as you don't cut the BBS drama...

...congrats though man! Great to hear it's going well!