Thank you for sharing that. I had taken part in the 'having fun without drinking' discussion, but to see now the reasoning behind it all just shows what a strong person and a caring parent that you are. I wish I could show you an outlet for your pain, sorrow, and misfortunes, because it's never good to pent up all these feelings. I hope opening up to your BBS bretheren relieves some of that. Still, life may seem so horrible at times, so unforgiving and cruel... But in the end, life is finding something worth living for (and in your case, likely a son that loves and appreciates you), and pursuing it till the very end. Sorry, I just watched the movie Ikiru like a second before reading your post, so it kind of struck me hard. If you're looking for a few hours to re-examine your life, check out this movie!
Bro just take it on day at a time, just need to work towards closing that chapter in your life close (exwife). and move on and apreciate that you still are alive and are able to enjoy the undying love from your son.. remember your not alone in these hard times you have God within reach.
Bingo! If you haven't already, call a kick-ass divorce lawyer on Monday morning. It will be worth it. You can't trust her, and since you're still married, she can continue to rack up the debt (and you'll be responible). A lawyer will help prevent this.
my deepest sympathies and apologies I am sorry this happened to you it is one of my deepest fears and probably why i will never marry I comment you on your stance I know I would have busted ole boy to his wife I would have a been a bull in a china shop why should he have his happy life after ruining mine? Why should she still be living well . . while I am in hell? I don't know if i could do . . . so I must commend you again on your strength. It will take some time. . . that is all. . . . I hope and pray in time you will get beyond it. . and moreso that you don't transfer the pain to another. .. [the next girl] and i know it may not seem so now. . . but there will be a next girl and perhaps a RIGHT GIRL Be strong my friend. . . sorry again this happened to you Rocket River
*sigh* his wife deserves to know turning a blind eye to her situation won't get you anything either but If this walking dick sticks it in someone who is not clean [disease free] then it is back on her . . I don't think that will make u very happy knowing you could have prevented it Rocket River
There is no debt in my name. It's all in her credit cards. Credit cards that included family vacations. The shock was that I thought we were paying them down, when they were actually delinquent. And when that happens, the interest rate goes up. In one, it was 30%. What I really think I need to do is stay away from her for now. Her cool little secret that she was enjoying is now over. Living separate, costs more. What she did was wrong. Now she's on her own. As angry as I am at her, I don't wish any harm on her. I just cleaned out the attic. All the stuff needs to be separated, or thrown away. I just hate setting up the house for selling, because of this. There's a pit in my stomach and I'm not sure if I need to blow off steam or break down and cry. Or maybe it has something to do with the attic being 200 degrees! I still need to get a dry-wall/texture guy to patch up my bathroom ceiling. I was thinking of walking across the street and asking these hispanic guys if they wouldn't mind a little cash on the side.
(virtual hugs) So sorry this happened to you. You must be a really strong person to be handling it this well. I agree that revenge is not the way to go. It's got to be weird to have this happen after so many years, but... at least you were so young when you started that you're not that old now. There will be a great future for you. Just might be different from the one you were expecting.
I had a situation not quite as serious as yours but I found once I finally let myself go and broke down to cry that I was able to start putting it all behind me. That emotional release is very important in moving on IMHO. Best of luck to you.
Stay strong man, you gotta stay strong. You are a big man for doing what you are doing, if it was me I would documented everything, sent a package to the wife of that man and ruin his life as much as I can. I would take the advice of some of the people here and document EVERYTHING. All the emails, stories, credit card bills, etc. That will help you a lot in court. Best luck to you.
This is not going to court. She had an affair and mismanaged our finances, but she doesn't want to ruin me. I know this sounds strange and uncommon to many. We will divide the debt, to allow both to manage on their own. I'm not paying them all off. She makes the same amount of money as me. I'll pay my portion that I was involved with. She even told me to keep the money from the house and not to worry about her credit cards. She knows that she hurt me. I'm not going to ruin her. She's the mother of my son. This is very sound advice though.
I wouldn't assume that it will be viewed as her debt, swilkins. (and you probably aren't) Texas is a community property state, which complicates things a great deal. Half of that debt is yours, as I understand it. I would follow ToothYanker's suggestion, and get an attorney, ASAP. A good friend of mine was in a similar situation, and ended up saddled with debt he had nothing to do with, among other things. Good luck. it sounds like you're going through hell, but dealing with it very well, all things considered. You are doing the most important thing... being strong for your son. Just don't forget yourself.
The profit from the house will cover the one that has 23,000 on it at 30% interest. I'm fine with paying half. I just want to move on. There is another one that will get covered when I sell the truck. The rest is hers to keep. We agreed to it. We'll stick to the plan. I'm pretty good at getting out of money messes and she knows it. We had problems talking to each other for some time. She let it get out of hand and didn't want to freak out. It then got worse and worse. If we're lucky and boy do I mean lucky. We could get the debt down to a manageable level in a few months. Then we start knocking out the rest one by one. MadMax might be getting his referral soon, if I can sell my truck. It has equity in it and the balance is low. I could get 15k easy, but am trying to see if individuals are interested first as I could get a few k more. We'll see how that works. I just found a crew to do the dry-wall in the house, so that will save me a few bucks in getting the house ready to sell. Next I need to find an exterior guy that cleans the eves (sp?) and gutters. I might do the pavement pressure washing myself. Also, get someone here to clean the outside windows. It's getting to crunch time. I move in to my apt Aug 1st. As much as I hate living in an apt, the light bill will be lower and the water bill will only be $14. All added bills will be necessity only (including web access). The most difficult thing that I have had to deal with are my mood swings. I go from high to low to high enough times to make a head spin. I don't think it's all quite set in yet. I think I'm due for a cry only the likes of man-boobs on "Fight Club" would understand.
I second Tooth Yankers advice too. Even if your wife says that she will be assuming most of the debts these situations can get very mess and confusing. As Deckard said Texas laws might still make you liable if your wife can't pay. We hate to think about money in times like this but unfortunately money matters and the sooner you can get that figured out its one less problem off of your hands. Other that that it sounds you're dealing with an incredibly difficult situation very well. Much better than I could imagine I would handle it if faced with such a difficult position. When I read that you were married at 17 I presumed that your wife was too and that part of the problem might've been that she felt like she had been stuck with only one man her whole life but that doesn't sound like the case. Anyway I commend your maturity for marrying at that age and sticking with it. I can't offer you an opinion on whether to let the other guy's family know about his infidelities. While yes the cheating b*stard's family should know but at the same time that might destroy his family and then you have two families destroyed. That's not advice I can offer without knowing the people involved and what sort of people they are. Otherwise hang in there. I'm sure this hurts like hell now but time is the best healer.
Keep your head up. You are obviously a good man and it will reflect well on your son. I'm proud of the way you handled the situation by thinking instead of just reacting. Many others would not have been so calm.
I'm glad you shared your story S. You have provided a schematic as to how to handle a volatile situation with class, dignity and respect and you should be applauded. You're gonna end up on top Man, and when you do... ...flip her over and do it again.
September 27-31 at the Laff Spot in Houston, if you're in Houston. Hit me here cop2comic@aol.com and I'll arrange everything...the O'Douls too!
I know it's a drag but this is sound advice. I stayed with a straying wife for two years trying to repair the marriage; we had a 4YO and a 6YO. After two years it was still not working, so we split up. That was 1990. I gave her the "children's" interest in our family home of 8 years so that she could be sure to be able to stay there. A year later she coaxed me into letting her move an hour away for a job; she promised to come back in 2 years. Within a year, unbeknownst to me, she arranged to buy a house in that new city an hour away. That was in 1992. When push comes to shove, your ex- will do what is good for her-- not what's fair, not what's right, not even what's in the children's best interests. I honestly can't think of any arrangement (financial or otherwise) where I came out EVEN or AHEAD in the settlement arrangements. I was the wronged party; I made all the sacrifices and still got taken advantage of whenever possible. Do not assume any pleasant outcomes. Your son is of majority age, so a lot of these considerations will not affect your situation, but she's gone crazy once... just assume she is still crazy and will act accordingly.
