I can't say that I am 100% against spanking, but I think other methods should be used before spanking. When I was a child, spanking was not a good punishment for me. This is probably because of two reasons. First, I was severely physically and emotionally abused as a child and as such, any sort of physical "violence" used on me would much more psychologically damaging than helpful. Second, I had always been well behaved, kind, rational, and introspective child, even form a young age. Talking to me about things or grounding me if necessary were far more effective deterrents. Most of the time, if I did something wrong, I already knew I did and my own guilt acted as its own punishment. But this is merely my experience based on my personality. I don't think there is a single method that works on all children. Also, certainly there have been psychological studies on the effects of various forms of punishment on children. Instead of relying of so-called common sense, we should look to what psychology has to say about this issue.
I will not spank my kids (when/if I have them) and I will not spank other people's kids when left in charge of them even if given the OK to do so. I am completely against it but if you would like to spank your children fine, go ahead just don't go overboard with it. I was at the ENT the other dy and there was a woman there with her child and she threatened to "tan his ass" if he didn't behave, very loud. Things like this are totally unnecessary in my opinion.
spanking is a last resort when u see a child getting spank trust and beleive . .it was not the 1st option people wonder why children to day are more unruly . . i think the taking spankings out of school Kids didn't threaten teachers in my day Hell . . is a kid slaps a teacher . .and the teacher slaps him back . . the teacher is fired and the kid is back .the next week . . . Spank is use as a negative stimulus to bad behavior Rocket River
I think spanking can work for small children (other things are just as affective for older kids) but should never be done out of anger and never done if the parent is angry. If it can't be a calm rational decision, it shouldn't happen
He wanted to get up and go play at a section of the office where the doctor's keep toys and such for kids and before that he was just sitting there but when he saw the toy section he wanted to go play.
Spanking can be an effective form of discipline and you can effectively discipline kids without spanking. The key in either case is CONSISTENCY. It's also important to stay as calm as possible. However, if you give your child a direction you MUST follow through. Just being around parents who can't or won't control their kids makes me feel like I'm getting an ulcer. On a side note- When I went to Pershing Jr High and Lamar High School back in the '80s, we got paddled, hard, with a big wooden paddle. I can tell you that it was a significant deterrent. Does anyone know if they still do this in HISD. And if not, when did they stop? While I think this was a somewhat effective means of discipline when I was in school (there was very little open disrespect to teachers), I also think the potential for abuse is probably unacceptably high. I would never give permission for my child to be paddled by another adult, (nor would I ever use a paddle).
depends on the child. children are people and don't all respond to the same forms of discipline. depends on the circumstances. either way, it should be done not as some vengeful, "i'm lashing out at you because you're pissing me off." it needs to be explained as a consequence for an undesirable action. my son gets spanked on occasion...but he's tough and laughs it off...and then it's hard for me not to laugh. i find that taking away toys or priviliges works better. then he freaks out. and if he's had a "bad day" towards my wife, i find that a long talk with an understanding that a similar report the next day means his star wars toys are mine for a week usually gets the job done.
LOL, no offense but if your kid laughs at you spanking him then you arent doing it right. I dont spank my kids often, maybe only a couple of times a year tops, but when I do, they know it. It leaves a lasting impression. As a kid, I was spanked and I got it a whole lot more than my kids get it and I do not think my was deserved most of the time. Thats why when I spank my kids it is when I feel it is warranted. I think that most people believe we are hard asses when it comes to our kids. I honestly dont care if people like it or not because I cant stand kids that misbehave also. It drives me insane. My kids know better than to pull any **** when we are in public. It means their ass. Not only do we make our kids behave, we make them do stuff around the house. This also blows peoples minds. My son is almost 7 and my daughter is 3 and a half. My son can empty a dishwasher, fill a dishwasher, vacuum the house, clean his own bathroom, take out the trash, make his bed, fold his own clothes and towels, etc. My daughter is now taking over emptying the dishwasher and she can make her own bed, gather up all of our garbage in the house, and pick up her own stuff. We do not make them pick up after us because we try to teach them that they are responsible for their own stuff just as we are responsible for ours. We try to lead by example so that they can never say, well why do we have to do this when you dont.
MB -- he doesn't always laugh. but he knows i'm a sucker for a smirk or a little laugh. it makes me laugh. so he plays comedy against me. i used to do the same with my parents. it's the curse of having a kid who's like me.
I know how that is. We are having our first child in less than a month, and already she will be a handfull. She already starting. She kicks my wife in the ribs and gut every chance she gets. It's just karma.
I've never spanked my kids, and at this point, I don't think I ever will. I've never found the need to. I don't know where they got it from, but both of my kids are very well behaved and have been all their lives. When we go out today, I'm usually the one most likely to act up. On the occassions that they have acted up, sternly telling them no has worked just fine. The rare times that didn't work, sending them to bed did the trick (and, oftentimes, when they were acting up when they were younger, it was probably because they were tired). When we were out in public and they started acting up, I found that leaning in and, with a stern whisper in their ear, telling them to shape up actually worked. Now that they're older (they're aged 15 and 11 at this point), it's possible to deal with them in a logical manner. Explain what they did was wrong and why it's wrong (and they tend to respond better when they know why the rule exists) and, if necessary, ground them. That works, and they don't get in trouble very often (and they would get in trouble less often if they lived with me since I would not be as strict as their mother and step-father. They have all sorts of crazy rules there, including not being allowed to watch The Simpsons. What kind of crazy parents won't let their kids watch The Simpsons?)
Spanking or no spanking? I don't know if one way or another is better! I have an 8 yr old girl and I just know it is not easy. I never had to spank her until this yr. Even now, she is well behaved 95% of the time. Then there are ocassions when no amount of explaining will do any good. After I exhausted the talking, I would give her a warning to follow my order, if she refuses again, I'll send her to her room and/ or taking a privilege away. It worked a few times. Then she refuses to go to her room and/or tells me that she does not care for what ever privilege it is that I take away. She insists on staying where she is at and continues to do whatever she wants. I'd carry her on my shoulder up to her room while she hits me in the head and back. Putting her in her room does not stop it, she would run right out, yelling and screaming. For a time, I put her in a closet or a bathroom where I can bar the door. I don't do that any more because she and I talked and we agreed to not doing that. I don't think I can keep doing that anyhow, she knocked the hinges of 2 doors already. Recently I started spanking her. First I used my barehand to slap her on her bottom. It worked at first, then she proceeded to put on 4 layers of clothing and challenged me to hit her! I then use a ruler or a chop stick on her hands or bottom of her feet. To make sure that I don't hit her hard, I would hold her hand in mine and hit her hand and mine at the same time. I will hit her once or twice, stop and tell her she has a chance to go to her room. It worked a few times, it now seems she is getting used to it. She just stands and bears it, screaming and yelling. I do not know what to do with her when she goes into one of these moods. When it is over, she is the sweetest girl. She hugs me and apologizes softly. She tells me I am her most favorite person in the whole wide world .... (and I do the same) .... Until she misbehaves the next time ...
I have noticed this pattern too. Children seem unusually attentive and devoted after they've been disciplined firmly (with hand). It goes way beyond checking on their approval.
Start buying stock in Kotex and Midol. I bet these moods happen once a month. J/K Yeah, it sounds like your daughter needs a good ass whipping.
I was spanked, but my 12 year younger brother never was. My parents grew up. The Rev. Kobutsu Malone, Buddhist priest and prison chaplain, Engaged Zen Foundation, Ramsey: I can only speak from the perspective of a simple Buddhist priest. Working over the years with my own children, students, prisoners, and my fellow human beings, I have learned that any form of punishment, be it corporal or psychological, is counterproductive. It is uncivilized and serves no purpose other than to perpetuate oppression. The practice of punishment involves the deliberate infliction of physical or emotional pain by one person who has power over the other. It instills fear, creates trauma, and damages the punished as well as the punisher. The net result is humiliation and degradation for the giver and the receiver. Each time we are punished, we are taught that punishment is acceptable. Out of fear, we modify our behavior in the presence of our oppressor. When our punisher is no longer present, we feel resentment. In time, these feelings can turn into hatred for ourselves and others and lead to depression and alienation. When these feelings are directed outwardly, we oppress others. We come to believe: "I was punished; therefore it is justifiable for me to punish another." We, in effect, have learned to become the oppressor. We pass on the cycle of violence to our families, our children, and our society. Inflicting pain after a child has misbehaved does not change the original event nor does it educate the individual. Communication, education, restraint, and discipline are the only effective means for parents to direct and guide their children. Punishment, corporal or otherwise, is unacceptable and inexcusable, because it destroys any possibility for real healing and learning.
Personally, I think spanking is only effective until the child gets to 5 or 6. After that, taking away treasured possessions and privileges seems like better deterrants.
