i've never been married or have kids. i've seen some bitter divorces from my friends. in fact, one of my friends wanted to do serious physical harm to his ex-wife after she almost cleaned him out. luckily we talked him out of it. but what i don't understand is how can two people who use to be so attached end up hating each other so much that he/she would go out of their way to make the other person miserable? and in some cases use a child to do it. is it not enough for her to just separate and just not deal with hassle? does she blame you for xx years of her youth wasted? from my experience, it takes alot of anger and energy to purposely make someone miserable. if i do have a child someday, i ask for the strength you've shown in caring for him/her.
This is what I documented. I'm mentally drained. I have my son and he is sleeping soundly. I told him my door would be open if he had any trouble sleeping. Ex wife called at 5:58 (1:37 conversation) asking for son to stay with her. I responded that we would follow the mutual agreement and that I would pick him up at 9:00 p.m. Ex’es husband called at 8:30. (29:13 conversation) Wished to speak “man to man” and voiced his concern that my son did not want to come over and he did not think this was best for son. He stated that he did not agree with what was going on for son’s sake, and would back up his wife. I told him I would pick up Son and talk to him before I made a decision and would call him back. Pick up son at 9:00pm Spoke with son in private about what he wanted to do. He expressed to me that he was afraid to tell his mom how he really felt because he was scared of how she would react. He wanted to see his cousins because he was forgetting what they look like, and wanted to go with us to NASA and Houston museums. Return ex’s husbands call at 10:06 (11:31 conversation) Told ex’s husband that son wanted to stay here. Ex’s husband said that he knew I knew this was wrong. Son’s mother asked to speak to son. I passed son the phone. (Speakerphone ON) She asked if son wanted to stay here or go back with her. He stammered and I told him to just tell her the truth and what was in his heart. He told her he kind of wanted to stay here. She re-asked if he wanted to stay with his dad or come back and he said he wanted to stay here. She did not say another word to him and ex’s husband came on the phone and told him “I’m very disappointed in you” at which point I took the phone away from Son and told ex’s husband “You don’t talk to my son like that. This conversation is over” and hung up. Son cried in my arms and Tara and I consoled him and told him how much we love him. We had a long talk about what he wanted to do and he reiterated that he wanted to be here. Ex calls at 11:14 (17:19 conversation) She stated that we need to do what is best for Son and said that we could go back to Tu/Th/Sun if Son could go back with her. I told her that we need to do what’s best for son and any new agreement must be put in writing in a modified court order and it would be FAIR. She said she would agree to mediation with co parenting counselor and asked for son to come back. I explained we had out of town plans and at this point would have to continue following the vacation schedule and I would call counselor to make the appointment. She said that if she did not get son, not to bother and we would continue the decree as it is written. End of conversation.
What a b****. I can't tell you how pissed it makes me to think about having to talk to the ex's husband. To say I'd have lost my temper is an understatement. I really hope that you persue getting the court order modified. I absolutely respect how you are handling what you are going through.
Getting ready for church. Going to pray for strength for my son, myself, and my family. From here on out, I really have nothing more to say to her. I'm no saint. I did point out that NOW she wants to talk and work things out. NOW, that she is feeling what it's like not to see my son for extended period of time like I do in the standard order that she continued to want to enforce until now. I probably shouldn't have said that, but my goodness, the first words out of my mouth when she called were that I was in no mood to talk after how her and her husband treated my son, and I was at my wits end.
Falcon, I just want to echo what others have said here. It's really great what you are doing for your son. I've watched my brother go through similar custody issues with an irrational ex-spouse, and it is heart wrenching. Stay strong.
Falcon, Stay strong, your ex using your son as an emotional football is beyond ridiculous. I would tell her new husband that it is none of his fricken business, and applaud you for telling him to butt the frack out. Her trying to take the child back and stop him from going on a cool vacation to Nasa is just beyond selfish. If she tracks this down on the internet, I hope she reads this post.....GROW THE "F" up and stop treating your son as some pawn in a game of "Get back at your ex" Your son is too important for that.... DD
From the way you the story reads, it sounds like your biggest issue is that your son has to spend 50%+ of the time with a woman and her husband who are assholes. that could definitely impact him growing up.
Falcons, Is she still angry with you about the divorce, were you the reason for the divorce? I seem to recall a bit about you and Tara from 2001 threads. Here is a post from Tara about your ex previously You guys need to get this fixed, it has been 6 years since the above post, and it sounds like you are still having issues, that is inexcusable between 2 adults. DD
well i see one part where u may have messed up... she is a woman and u thought she would think logically women think more with emotions than anything i would take the decree to a judge and have the judge enforce it or try to work it out with her (which of course is the 1st option)
You are cooler then I could ever hope to be in that situation. I would have beat the living crap out of her and her husband.
Don't take my advice on this. I am the last person you want to ask. I have a tendency to let my emotions and testosterone take over in situations like this. HOWEVER...now that you see how the ex's husband is trying to manipulate your son against you, you have to ask whether that is a good environment for him.
Finally...A ray of hope for my son's well being. His mom called and spoke kindly to my son, hoping that he has fun while he's here with his family. Why did it take my son suffering through what he did for her to see that. I'm still following through with what I have to legally do.
Because from the sound of it, you have let her trample and control the situation, and now that you are trying to take control back, she is fighting it...typical human behavior. If you read the earlier thread, you stated you would do anything to appease the situation and see your son, I understand that, but it gave her too much control. People set boundaries all the time, and they react within those boundaries, it seems like you set some (which you thought would help you see your son) but then found out that they were worded differently to your advantage, then you decided to take a stand, which probably blind sided her and her neat little "I am in charge" attitude. Now, she is probably going to have to be more respectful to you, but that is up to how you handle this......IIRC you left her for Tara, correct? Which probably still pisses her off. Set new boundaries which are fair to all, and don't let her control the situation. If I am off on all of this, I apologize, it just is how it reads from all your posts on the matter. DD
She likes to blame Tara for me leaving, but Tara was not in the picture until after I had left. After that blowup years ago (baptism), I went to some counseling and learned to be true to me and my family. We had some battles, but nothing like standard visitation thing.
Dude, Falcon. Guys like us, I have found, are too far and few between. I'm currently going through a difficult divorce and all I want is what is best for my 4 yr. old son. I even ended the custody battle because I didn't think it was in my son's best interest for both me and his mother to be completely broke from it. But, it's not like I had a fighting chance anyway to win. The lawyers and court see so many guys who don't give a f***, that is ruins it for those who want to be the best father they can be and want what is best for their kid(s). Your story haunts me as I look towards years of this crap from my ex. Her and her mother have already used my son against me a couple of times through this process. They treat the time I have with him as if it's a privilidge for me. They both act as if my son is "theirs'". It makes me sick. Under a court-ordered temporary order, I had my son since the day he was let out of school for the holidays until noon today and I'm completely broken up right now. I miss him so much. This is the one subject I'm not afraid to admit I ball crying about. It's absolutely heart-breaking not to be with my son everyday all because the ex thought it would be the best for everyone (including my son) for her to have an extra-marital affair with another married man. I'll pray for you and your son.
Well, not much to update. He went back at 6:00 pm last night. She wasnt even at the door to greet him. She sent her husband to greet him at the door. I woke up sad. In my half awake morning state, I imagined that I walked to the livingroom and all my boys were there and they turned to me and said "Good Morning Dad". When I fully woke up I was in tears. I scheduled a 3:30 to retain my attorney and have cash in hand ready to go. Please pray for that all goes well for my son.
Ha. It wreaks of 'cowardice.' What was it like with HIM letting HER save face? Did the dude say anything to you after you told him "... you don't talk to my son like that..."? I would suppose if he were gentleman enough, he'd apologize or at least seek an understanding from you. How is he with your son? Does your son speak well of him? Be well, FT.
It is all about control, that is how it reads to me. Your heart is in the right place FT, and now you have the upper hand, be gracious, but get it in writing. DD
After reading this whole thread it sounds as if you have done everything as best you could under the circumstances. Good luck!
