You are very right. Leaving that comfort zone is ridiculously difficult. All of those reasons are on the money.
Duress means absolutely nothing. Unless she has lived in Illinois for 6 months, she can't file there. If you've filed for divorce in Texas, and can show your family lived here the past six months, the divorce will go through Texas, unless you choose to go through Illinois. Again, my divorce went through Tennessee, even though we never lived there. I didn't fight it, and I should have. Once the divorce is final, it doesn't matter. Fight this. Keep the divorce in Texas. We have one of the better divorce states.
Thats what I'm trying to do is keep it in Texas. We havent lived in Illinois in YEARS!!!. We had been back in Texas for only about a month when I left but according to my lawyer, our residency never changed due to the type of work I was doing. I hope that holds true.
Even if you were out of Texas, as long as your permanent residence was here, you're good. Now, if she can find a way to show another state having y'all's permanent residence, things could get stickier. But she would have to prove that she lived in Illinois for 6 months. It'll be a pain, but keep it in Texas. You filed first. You can prove residency here for 6 months.
I dont know how she can prove residency anywhere else. We never changed any of our stuff and I worked on a per diem basis. Like I said before, I even registered the trailer for my jetski in Texas while living out of state. I still have my Texas DL from before we went to Indy, plus same plates on our cars, and same voter registration. I sure hope it works out that way, I'm just nervous as all hell. This is a huge freaking deal. I'm trying to stay as positive as I can while still preparing for the worst. Its very nerve racking.
I know. It's been 4 1/2 yrs, and some of the crap can still sting for me. Anyway, yeah, she'd have to have Jackie Chiles to get the divorce in IL. Make sure you get a good attorney. And be happy that she's going to have to come down here for all the proceedings. I wish I could help with an attorney, but, as I said, mine is in TN. Mainly because I didn't fight for it to be in TX. BAD IDEA. Make sure it stays here. And good luck. I'm pretty good with advice on this, as well. Or pretty much what NOT to do during this.
I know exactly what your saying as this is exactly how I felt...After months of arguing, talking, etc., she finally admitted it was nothing I did, but the damage was already done...I wanted to exhaust every last option, meaning counseling, etc, but she never did and the reason was she didn't want it anymore and it was hard to accept...The holidays made it a little easier and we have even gone out on a date, but honestly, it'll never be the same as too much has happened... Don't do the sentimental thing as you'll only get screwed...Listen to your lawyer and I know its hard, but don't make decisions based on emotions...You'll pay more than the court agreed child support regardless of what it states as you won't want your kids to be without...I pay the max due to my income, which is fine as I want very little change in my kids lives...In texas, there is spousal support as well, but its a max of 3 years, but typically only in cases or hardship will you pay the max of 20%... I may not agree with alot of the things she does, but they'll come a point when you'll realize this is the best thing that could have happened...Sounds bad, but really, things happen for a reason...
Yeah, I'm going to max out on the child support as well. We have only been married 8 years so I dont have to worry about the spousal support thank the Lord. I'm really going to push harder to get a better deal. After all of this I feel like I deserve it.
Unfortunately, this is actually very true...Sad, but true...Being single and alone sucks...You go thru banging lots of chicks, but then, it doesn't fill the void...At least for me, I miss the intimacy, closeness, conversation, but there is someone out there and I still believe my soulmate is waiting for me to find her...
In honesty, coma, I view this concept as far more indicative of an unwillingness to accept reality than married couples you think are only staying together out of fear or money. All alcohol does is blur the senses and cause you to wake up with EXACTLY the same set of problems. It is an escape, not a fix for anything. While my marriage didn't work, I don't view the institution as something that is done out of fears or worries. I'm sure it is done for those reasons at times. But, love is a very strong emotion. It is an attachment built into us through evolution and designed to help us sustain ourselves. Married couples live longer, have healthier lives and experience fewer emotional problems on the whole than those who remain single if you just go by the numbers. There is NO QUESTION that society places an undue burden on most of us to get in line, get married, have kids and follow the status quo. But, that doesn't make the institution the problem. It is the perception of what that institution means that is the problem and, in that respect, you suffer from the same problem with just the opposite effect. For some, marriage is the be-all-end-all of their lives. For you, it is something to be avoided like the plague. Both are perceptions based on assumptions that are wholly subjective and have little to do with reality. Marriage isn't for everyone. But it is very beneficial for some even when it ultimately doesn't succeed.
I love how you can manage to extol the virtues of closeness, intimacy and conversation in the same sentence where you are "banging lots of chicks." Awesome!
Stay strong bro....do what is best for the kids and yourself.. Dont let her bend you over thru a misplaced sense of decency towards the mother of your kids...from what you have said...she doesnt deserve it.... As a child of a nasty divorce...let me add this...make sure you reassure the kids over and over how they have absolutley no reason to feel that any of this is their fault...cause trust me..that is a feeling they will have. as one of the few that have met you outside this board.....IF you ever need anything...let me know...Im here for ya.
I would first have to have access to talk to them. She wont answer her phone (that I'm still paying for so that she will have a damn phone) even to let me talk to the kids. When I can talk to them again, I will definitely do that. My parents divorced as well and I know what you mean and will definitely do that. I appreciate the offer and you never know when I may take you up on it.
Haven't been on the BBS for a few days, thought I would click on this thread thinking that Jeff has a recording Single out, but found a depressing thread. My heart goes out to all who have marital or relationship problems. I know it's tough, I've gone through some of those trenches myself. Best of luck to everyone from Jeff, MB, Isabel, and others...
Just think about how big a thread would be about a "Single Indian rapppr who dated a p*rn star would be".
The reality, as it pertains to marriage, imho, is that it is an unnatural act. To each their own, of course. Chalk it up to personal experience and an incredibly horrible taste in my mouth. There's the stat of 54% of all marriages ending in divorce, but of the remaining 46%, how many are truly together out of happiness. On top of that, of those who claim for happiness, how many are lying to themselves? I agree, 100%. Everything in moderation. Everyone can use an escape now and again. You aren't making me out to be some kind of perma-drunk, are you!? For me, love is enough. What's the benefit of marriage, outside of the material? Our will is something that can never be enslaved. If we love a person, then we choose to be with that person. If I'm with someone, it's my choice, not a piece of paper. I don't think that mating with one person for the rest of my life is natural. I'll leave this at that, as I don't want to play D&D. This is a fine example if why I enjoy you as a poster, Jeff. Incredible lucidity and fairness to all sides of an issue. It's a great point. My only argument is that I'm not suffering. I come and go as I please with no nagging and/or guilt.
