Women are not only evil, they have their wires crossed.. so the best way to fight for a girl's affections is to not fight for them at all. Or do it subtly while acting like you're a bad boy and don't give a **** Love guru has spoken. Soon you will be asking your fellow Clutchfans "Should you fight off a girl's affections?" instead
Vwiggin, Just my 2 cents, but the more you care, the more she won't. IMHO, don't give it another thought. If she isn't into you at this moment then forget the whole situation. The worst a guy can do to himself is to kiss the girl's @ss and fawn over her when she's not interested. Start dating other people and before you know it, she might all of a sudden have a change of heart. Whatever you do, do not become her cuddlebitch.
My advice would depend on whether or not you are handsome. If you are, pretty much any tact will work. If you're not you have to go the 'get to know me' route. The advice I do give all the sight unseen here on the BBS is 1. smile 2. have a sense of humor 3. have some confidence Ask her a question, listen and make some small talk about her. If she smiles back you ask her out, if she doesn't don't. If she says no, smile move on. You might want to revisit the same chick in a couple of weeks and see if you can get a smile out of her. But never, ever look desperate or pathetic. The evolutionary hard wiring of women makes them look for a man that will produce sucessful offspring.......... or the love they never got from their daddies, one or the other.
I haven't read through this thead, but I'd just like to say to remember one thing... Girls don't fall in love with you all the sudden after realizing you are the better guy. Thats a bunch of Hollywood horse****, the other guy may be a jackass but he probably does it for her.
Sorry to hear that FB. Hey, at least you got a kiss out of it, which is more than what I've received so far. Thanks for sharing your personal story. I know it is not always fun to talk about these bad beat stories, but they really do serve as great teaching tools! A little update: I've taken the advice from you guys and stopped fawning over her. I just treat her like everyone else (in my usual funny, charming way of course) and things between us are back to normal (i.e. we pretend I've never asked her out before and she is back to the light flirting stage). Thanks for the great advice from everyone. It appears the general consensus is the correct one: Just start dating other people and forget about her for now. (I especially liked Dubious's wording on this, btw.) Now, if only I can find an owl to carry on my shoulder....
vwiggin, This partial quote of Dubious' is the best advice in the entire thread. Realize that you will probably get rejected from time to time but that is alright. Someone is out there for you. Good luck.
Women...I guess all women, at some point, want someone to fight for them...If you think she's worth it, why not... It's not like we're in high school and she rejects you in front of the entire school or anything... You only live once so live like there's no tomorrow...
OK, I just kept getting more and more pissed off at my situation, so I ended up emailing her tonight letting her know how I felt. Jeez. 34 yr. old men aren't supposed to have school boy crushes anymore. My response: Alright. I debated whether I should write this or not. Considering that we've known you for a few months, I feel I need to get this off my chest. The way you sent me that text on Sunday along with the way you were acting Saturday night left a bad taste in my mouth. I'm sorry. I liked you. That's why they're called "crushes," I suppose. If you hadn't known that already, you were the only one. But I never tried to grope you or make a pass at you or anything else inappropriate. I always was a gentleman and a friend first and foremost to you. I'm not sure what I could have done to make you feel otherwise. The ironic part was that I stopped worrying about anything romantic with you a couple of weeks ago. In my opinion, if it wasn't there, that was no fault of your own. Then last week you leaned in and decided to kiss me. I certainly wasn't expecting that at all, and it took me aback. Last weekend, you just seemed to possibly be interested. It certainly wouldn't have been the first time. I've had women before get romantically interested after they get to know me. Regardless, I thought it might have been a fluke or an intoxication thing, so I didn't really worry about it that much. I just thought that there might actually be some chemistry, so I figured I'd just let the cards land where they may. When I asked you to come out with us Saturday night, it was primarily as a friend. I have no idea why you felt so uncomfortable, but that was obvious. Que sera sera. Believe me, I won't bother with it again. The whole thing just seemed hurtful and arbitrary. Especially if you already knew that I liked you. There are much more tactful ways of going about it. And if I actually did upset you somehow, I'd prefer hearing what it was. It certainly wasn't my intention. I'm sure I'll hear people telling me this was a bad idea. I really don't care...
Very weak. She probably showed it to all of her girl friends and had a good laught witht hem. Rofel. Next time tjust tell her that she neds to repsct your authoity. PAYCE
#1: Learn how to spell. #2: That's the main reason I wrote it. She's from Louisiana. My friends are all she really has. I was the person who brought her into the group. I guess that's why I'm so pissed.
The plot thickens... Her response and my reply: ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Shannon Date: Jun 19, 2006 10:30 PM I am sorry about the bad taste in your mouth. If anyone put it there it was you. I know a little more about what has been going on than you think I do. About the kissing accusation...I don't believe it for a second. Davis said that you and I were standing outside and he asked me if I needed a ride. His exact words were"you seemed anxious to get away from that guy and relieved when you sat in my car". I don't know about you but I don't usually want to run away from people I am "trying to kiss". Look Jim, I am sorry that your feeling are hurt. I have really enjoyed you friendship. If that is something that I truly ever had. This is not the first time that this has happened and it is the main reason why I don't have friends here in Houston. I guess I was a fool to believe that I had finally found a group of guys that I could hang out with like the friends back home. To tell you the truth, this is really just a little too much drama for me! I am sorry again about you feelings but now you have pricked mine. I will not be hanging with you guys anymore. Thanks for the laughs and best wishes to you. Shannon Once again, you're spewing venom. I truly don't get it. As I said, two weeks ago, I decided to not worry about it. That's why I started dating again. To be fair, I spoke to Costas. Apparently Todd and Bobby did stuff to you. You may have spoken about me to him, as well, but he never relinquished that information. As I stated earlier, I had accepted that you didn't like me two weeks ago, and decided that you were just a friend. No offense, but I don't lie. "Accusation?" Either way, you're really just being mean to a guy that honestly liked you. Romantically or otherwise. I was totally willing to accept you either way. To be honest, if you had just told me your feelings towards me in a normal manner, I would have been fine. As I said, I'd come to a similar realization a few weeks beforehand. This is really sad. We are a good group of people. Mysel, included.
I would have done the exact same thing in emailing her so you won't see me saying it was a bad idea. Personally her response comes across as her knowing she was in the wrong in kissing you, yet not wanting to admit it so trying to place the blame on you. Women, sometimes they don't even understand themself.
Hmmm... so this has happened to her before? How long is it going to take before she realizes that if you keep having the same problems with different groups of people, perhaps you are the one with the problem!
This is mostly a dead end. You could play the d*** in waiting card. As Chris Rock puts it, "In case of emergency, break glass." Just play it cool and casually date other girls. It's low to some people, but it works. You won't get anywhere far, unless you knock her up, but you'll probably think about it if you're weighing the risks of fighting for any piece of her.
Ouch...Talk about twisting the knife...But you know, I would have written the note as well, so its out there... Not to create drama, but if you can suck it up, just tell her you can still hang out as just "friends" as that is all you really wanted, because you enjoy hanging out...Maybe you can hit it in about a year... Or just give her e-mail to me and I'll talk to her for you...
