I will return call him tomorrow and let him know there are obvious advantages and disadvantages with his new attachment, but to let him know there is also a choice of letting things cool down the natural easy way with "I can't meet", or "I'm busy doing this or that"...He doesn't have to be blatant, but this should get her to cling elsewhere eventually. I agreed with a poster who said the scary wheels of feelings have already turned (female feelings nonetheless), and we have all heard the horror stories about extra-marital relationships and how they could end up..But I do know my cousin (who has been married longer than me) has told me of problems for the past year. He just wants happiness and that's what gets me...He has been there for me when I was down. It will be a difficult speech, but he was my best man on my wedding, and my closest cousin of the bunch in regards to being a friend...(Most of my other cousins don't stay in contact)..I almost don't want to say anything...
Without knowing either of them I can't say for sure. I've known guys who I am not very close to brag about infidelities.
I agree both share the blame but you seem to be laying more of the blame on her including ending you last post with "slapper". I don't want to take sides but it seems to me he is more to blame since he is the one that is married. She isn't the one who has taken a vow of fidelity.
Step 1. Threaten to tell wife if he doesnt end fling. Step 2. Console girl when fling ends. Step 3. Pick up where he leaves off. Step 4. Tell wife anyway. Step 5. Console Wife. Step 6. Pick up where he left off. Step 7. Dont do any of the above, tell him he is an idiot and he should feel really crappy about doing this to his wife. Tell him to never tell his wife but end it with the girl and if he ever sees her again deny he knows her. Keep it real, but sometimes keeping it real can go wrong.
Have you considered that your cousin is not that good of a guy? He has sex with this woman only to go home to his wife and young son. Not a good thing to do.
He will ignore anything he doesn't want to hear and resent you later for being right. Trying to help is only a good idea if you actually think you can make a difference. Otherwise you run the risk of making things worse. The only exception would be to suggest that he make it very clear to this girl that he has no interest in leaving his wife. Remind him what happened to Steve McNair for a point of reference.
Fourteen years doesn't seem like the most drastic age difference if think historically, and unfortunately some couples should get and stay divorced (my own parents come to mind). An unhappy marriage can easily be just as unpleasant, and destructive, as a happy affair. Get your cousin to find out what the girl's long term plans are, and then he can decide between a divorce or marriage counseling.
The problem is that you can say whatever you want he will still do what he wants to do. You should tell him that you think what he is doing isn't smart and could end up hurting a lot of people (his son his wife his girlfriend and himself). But if he is determined to continue what he is doing, let him work it out. If you pressure him to much your friendship could suffer. And he still will not do what you want.
Sounds hetero to me. Roxran, kick his butt. No really... tell him you will if he doesn't end that crap.
LOL, we can definitely blame the woman. I would never touch a girl who's sleeping with a married man, I would verbally berate her every chance I get. This girl has been places, my friend, and she's going to keep going places at a ruthless pace. Nothing worse than sexually active girls who don't know what they want in a partner and have no self restraint. And a homewrecker to boot. Real classy. As for knowing what she wants in the future, she doesn't. This is her lashing out at all the "immature" boys she's been with and enjoying the company of an established, mature man. Right now they're both at the point where they can't distinguish lust from love, and this situation is going to lead to a destructive path for both. Given her character, they don't stand a chance. As for his wife being a "career" woman with no time for him or the family (I assume), that's his mistake and he's going to have to live with it. That's what you get for not acquiring taste.
You can throw stones at the girl for being a slut. But his cousin is the one who's actually married and committing the bigger betrayal. I mean, if she was some saintly chick (who you KNEW for a fact was a virgin or whatever) it would be okay? your cousin still would be cheating. Some posters are acting as if the fact that she's been around makes this worse when in fact you want someone down n dirty for these type of shenanigans... the sex is definitely going to be better Man up and let your cousin handle this. Dont get involved, you cant make a grown man do something he doesn't want to do. If you get involved are you willing to take responsibility in your cousin's place? If not, dont get involved they're adults. Your role as a man is to not take sides. Be mature and support both your cousin and his wife cuz the **** is going to hit the fan eventually.
Not knowing all of the facts, I think the blame is at least 50-50 here. It's a shame that he is cheating on his wife and it's a shame that she's with a married father.
I'm not suggesting his cousin isn't at fault. He's definitely in the wrong; I'm talking about the character and value of the 23 year old girl. If she isn't worth leaving your wife and kid for, is it really worth thinking about? Milk her for what she's worth physically but pay no attention to the "cloud nine" feelings she's giving you right now, and don't even consider turning your life upside down for her. If you want a divorce for other reasons, that's a different story. But there's a reason married men quietly go back to their wives... the reality of the situation sets in eventually.
Nor should the 23 year old consider turning her life upside down for him. After all he is a cheater as well.
This. (emphasize the part about hurting his son)* I've been in a similar situation before, and there is not much else you can do without making things uglier, quickly. Edit: You can also take it to the bank that he will lose cutody and get screwed in the settlement when they divorce. *Me personally, I'd argue doing this and risking so much is a world-class ******* thing to do. In my case, I took arno_ed's approach, but I still get pissed at what happened when I think about it.
