I respect your opinion, especially from a woman's point of view, but I have to disagree here. Nothing he's said points to her giving him a stern ultimatum. Obviously I'm not in their lives, in their argument or know them what so ever, but I don't get the sense she's saying, "Marry/propose to me now or I'm gone!!" I feel like she just needs real reassurance. And why not? Again, they are living together which, no matter how you slice it or excuse it, it's living a faux married life already. Plus he's telling her he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. I think a woman in her late 20's has the right to know if he's really serious about that. Just like you said it's his right not to feel ready but it's her right to want to move her life forward, want to get married and start a family. How long is she supposed to wait... 1 year, 2 years, 4 years? I can see how she doesn't want to waste years waiting for the man she loves, and wants to grow a family with, to want the same. I believe they both love each other very much but sometimes two people just are in two different places in their lives and it doesn't work out and, when there is real love involved, it REALLY sucks! But that's when they both have to honest with themselves and love each other enough to let each other go. But I don't believe that's the case here. I think these two have a great future ahead of them together. Sometimes a couple, as great as they are together, needs to fall apart in order for something better to fall together. Gatsby, I'm glad it seems you two are working it all out. Take it day by day my man. If you truly see her as the woman you can wake up to every day, rain or shine, for the rest of your life then step out in FAITH and do it. Don't let fear of the unknown or fear of ending up like some other marriages going through rough times mess with your head. Heck, don't even label it being married. Think of it as you just telling each other there is no other person you ever want to share you life with. I think, if you can get out of putting certain boundaries or labels on it that people/society tell you it's supposed to be, and just think of it in those terms (shape it the way YOU and HER want it to be), then you'll be just fine. God bless!
imagine she said: the moment I walk out that door ,the next guy I see is going to be better than you", she end up marrying the mail man . True story happened to a guy who works for the post office
She slept on his couch, and she came back to talk. In terms of drama, I think she's as good as it gets. As for being a keeper, I need pics to confirm. OP, I too had parents who didn't divorce but wrecked any ideal aspirations of marriage among my siblings. We're all flawed beings dude. I can relate to your worries, but you have to commit to something. You're not going to be an exact copy of your parents and you are not going to live through the trials, pains, joys and happiness of them. It is not mathematically possible, but you yourself can skew the odds in either direction. Those trigger points you have or are worried to have in a committed relationship are not portents of being your parents. If and once you're engaged to someone, you both need to do real talk. What are each of your plans for careers, children, finances, places to live. When, how many, how big, how critical it is for each of you. How much are you willing to bend? Don't dick around with 50/50 even if you're equal minded. Don't do this after the wedding. After three years, you both probably have a good handle of each other's goals, but are likely pussyfooting around the critical issues because it hasn't been important in the here and now, especially because the "marriage talk" puts that cloud of binary uncertainty. Marriage counseling such as through a pastor (cheaper) is also a good chance for a second party to help mediate. You've both talked as much as you honestly can about the feels but now you gotta talk honest details, how to make things work. At the very least if you do it now, you don't have the pressure of following through an engagement, and then following through a marriage, and then following through a dysfunctional family, and then.... I get the feeling you feel you're being led by fate/genetics/circumstances rather than you taking responsibility for the choices you want but have chosen not to act upon. Check out this podcast I just listened to in my weekly commutes. It may or may not apply to you, but it shares several insights people don't normally talk about in marriage. http://www.wnyc.org/story/work-life-balance-bonus-andrew-moravcsik/ Most of all, it's okay to make decisions or plans that don't play exactly to your mind. But if you share them and you both understand it's better to learn from and accept them, that extra bit of kindness from each and both of you goes a long way.
