LOL....someone wants OPTIONS....just incase...you met another girl. I remember living with my wife for 2 years (had ups and downs). I thought about proposing (same girl forever?)......then she forgot to take that little pill. The choice was made.....there was no reason to wait anymore (she worried about telling me....but my hesitation lasted about 5 minutes). Been married for 17 years....together for about 20.
I've been thinking about proposing a ton the last year, but the last several days have been unreal. It's actually much less scary than it has been in the past now being forced to imagine life without her. I also don't think she'd want me to propose this second, but also may be difficult getting back into the relationship with just words, if ya know what I mean? A few times she's mentioned she doesn't need a ring or a wedding. Just me.
I totally understand her for having this conversation — it's mature. It's not the financial aspect, it's the thought of marriage and "this is forever" kinda idea. We've lived together more than a year and I still love her. We live together well and still enjoy every day together.
I guess I'm embarrassed to say I've been in relationships of a year, two-years, five-years and now this two-years. This is the most serious I've ever felt.
Gatsby, you seem to be talking out both sides of your mouth. You say she's the one but then you're not ready to get married. You've TOLD her that she's the one and about the great future you envision with her but then you're not doing anything about it. Why wouldn't she be extremely frustrated? It's like you going to a car dealership, getting a test drive of your favorite car, telling the salesman the car is amazing and you want to buy it, but then you just keep test driving it every day until hopefully you feel you're ready to put down the down payment. If I were the salesman I would too would finally say, "Hey! You buying it or not? Because you're wasting my time and I can find another committed good owner that deserves the car!" I don't get the feeling this is a ring chasing tactic. Obviously I don't know her or either of you) nor was I there for this argument, but I get the feeling this is NOT an ultimatum or some dramatic ring chasing tactic. If so, I think there would have been a LOT more drama and she would have been somewhere else other than the sofa. She's a 27 year old woman wanting to make a life for herself with a man she loves who is telling her how she's the one for him. Like others have said, you need to search yourself as to why you feel you can't get married right now. Outside of not getting that "feeling", you haven't really said what those reasons are. But, like JeapordE eloquently said, you need to forget about THAT feeling. Is she someone you can wholeheartedly trust... in ALL things. Will she fight for you and see the best in you if you "fall". Will she be by your side and/or be there for you through the rough times? Will she support you? Does she make you laugh? Heck, does she laugh at all your stupid jokes? But, is she the woman YOU honestly want to make the commitment to make her happy every day for the rest of your life? Is she someone you can and want to put first before yourself? I think 2 years and living together should have given you enough of these answers. I think you either know or you don't, you can't have it both ways. If you don't know by now then (to me) there's a big reason, either with her or with you. You need to have a heart to heart talk with her about it. But if you don't see yourself getting married any time soon, then you need to love her enough (and man enough) to let her go to find her life on her terms and to be with someone who WANTS to be married. You can't be selfish, holding on to her, continuing to "test drive" and make her wait on when YOU'RE ready. It's not fair to her and THAT'S not love. That's just calling dibs so no one else can have her. It's got to be a partnership, not a one way street. Gatsby, I believe you're a good dude and I don't think you're trying to hurt her. But you need to be honest with yourself and with her so you BOTH, even as much as it could hurt depending on the outcome, can move on and find what you truly need and/or want. No matter what, I pray for both of you guys and wish for the best.
Wait, OP is 27, and he still thinks that he's going to wake up one morning to harps playing, birds chirping, and his GF draped in white cloth and a halo?? GROW UP. You're old enough to know if what you're feeling is real, or if you're just scared to be by yourself.
I've been in your shoes before gatsby, it lasted for 7 years. But I'm a very instinctual person and my instincts said not to push for marriage. I moved on and I'm a lot happier because I found a better fit. If there's something that doesn't make sense and you can't reconcile it, I'd part ways. If you can reconcile everything, JeopardE has unbelievably solid advice. Not that you're not a man already, but this is one of those man decisions you'll face in life. Here's to you making one you're happy with in the long run.
If you say you love her and she's the one, then why the heck haven't you proposed? Are you waiting for it to become more than a feeling?? Grow up man! Best years of your life will be when you're married to the right person, and young enough to enjoy it (I got married at 25)
